Promises to Keep

Facing the Void

2012-02-06T11:38:00.002-06:00

So, I am cleaning out my house. Closet by closet, every drawer, every cabinet, cubby hole, nook and cranny. Luckily, I have the help of 2 friends who have an “organizing” business. I am by no means a “collector”, but I am amazed at the amount of STUFF that has accumulated over 25 years in that house.

As excited as I am about lightening my load, I feel myself strangely unmoored in the process. Getting rid of vestiges of the past is surprisingly unsettling and more difficult than I had imagined. Everything I see or touch has connections to me, my children, ex-husbands, dogs, cats—most of whom are ghosts long gone. The pantry where Leslie and Sara played, the now useless Walt Disney VHS Movies, the children’s books that I read to my girls, school uniforms, class pictures, soccer socks, dress-up clothes, the doll house in the attic…….each of these relics tugs at my heart and begs to be saved from destruction. What will happen when they are gone? Will that piece of my life disappear, will I lose the memories without the physical touchstones they provide? What will fill the void?

And speaking of voids, I can’t help but think of our teens during this process. Many show up with only a trash bag of belongings. No past relics to remind them of who they are, no photos, no connection to their former lives. I can’t imagine how unmoored they must feel, how disconnected. Luckily for them, we can be the touchstone they need to build good memories, to build a positive past, present, and future, and to come home to.

I’m surprised at my reaction to cleaning out my house, but keeping the most important relics will help me get through it. I hope that is what we help our teens do…..ferret out and keep the most important relics from their pasts to guide their present and future—whether they be physical items, memories, hopes, or dreams. If we accomplish that, we will surely have filled that void of disconnectedness that all of our teens struggle with.

Have a great week!

'Tis the Season

2011-12-13T09:17:00.003-06:00

'Tis the season.....for depression.

Now, I don't want to be a complete downer, but amidst all the holiday hoopla, festivities, decorations, music, gift buying and giving, food, food, and more food, there are many among us struggling mightily with depression.....and feeling even more depressed, because they SHOULD be happy and "in the spirit".

When I was in private practice, my client load increased exponentially during and right after the holidays. These are very difficult times for those of us vulnerable to depression. Aside from the fact that it's the dead of winter, dark and cold, the stress of the holidays, coupled with the expectations of a "happy time" (promoted so heavily by media), wear heavily on many folks.

How do I know this? Because I've struggled with depression most of my life. Luckily, my last bout is long past, and with the help of a great support system, I have been able to keep the gray ghost at bay for years. But the dark days of winter bring it dangerously close at times; and it is at those times when my heart goes out to those in the midst of the battle.

Depression sucks the very life out of you.....and, by the way, everyone around you. It settles over you like a gray mist, leeching all color out of life. It steals your ambition, hope, energy. It makes you think crazy thoughts and do crazy things.

What's worse is, those who have experienced a bout of clinical depression are likely to have at least one recurrance, worse than the first. Serious depression changes your brain chemistry, and each episode makes it harder to repair the damage.

So, my message this holiday season is, GET HELP if you're feeling down or depressed. There is no shame in seeking a cure for this incidious disease. Set your ego aside, take antidepressants, go to therapy, do what your psychiatrist tells you do to. And if you are a friend or relative of someone you suspect is depressed, INTERVENE. Insist that they get help......which is what my dear friend did many years ago that probably saved my life (or someone else's!).

It is definitely the season......to pay attention to those around you.....and to yourself. Be kind, be attentive. You never know whose life you may be saving.

He's NOT a Pedophile

2011-11-14T10:01:00.002-06:00

I’ve been hesitant to add to the rhetoric about the Penn State sex abuse scandal. However, I would be remiss in my duty as President of an agency whose sole mission is to protect the most vulnerable teens in our community, if I did not express my dismay and sorrow at the events that have recently unfolded. I stand with Penn State leadership in firing Paterno and his assistant coach, and my heart goes out to the families of all affected.

I would like to make an important distinction that the press and media continue to get incorrect. The man who perpetrated these acts is NOT a pedophile. He is a sex abuser. There is a BIG difference. Pedophilia is a diagnosable mental illness spelled out in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV, used by the psychiatric field. A pedophile is usually unable to function well in society, is severely developmentally stunted, and sees himself as approximately the same age as his victims.

This definition does NOT apply to the assistant coach, nor to most sex abusers. Most are “solid” citizens, many have families of their own and would be considered upstanding citizens in their communities.

Why do I care about the distinction? Because of the ability to hold the sex abuser accountable for his actions. If he can use the plea of pedophilia, which can show he is mentally ill, he is many times “off the hook” for his actions. Sex abusers are not mentally ill, by all western standards. Although their actions are horrific, they appear to be as normal as anyone else, even under psychiatric scrutiny.

Sex abuse and sexual assault are primarily abuses of power and of opportunity. To those of us who cannot imagine such acts, sex abusers seem sick and demented. What I don’t want, however, is for them to be able to use mental illness as an excuse for their actions. They must be held accountable by the highest letter of the law, without the distraction of a mental illness diagnosis.

It is the least we can do for the victims.

What is Your Elevator Speech

2011-10-07T10:43:00.005-05:00

What is your elevator speech?

Promise House has struggled with this for years.

How do we say what we do in a compelling, meaningful, impactful 30 second blip? I know we can't be the only agency struggling with this; particularly those of us who offer a myriad of services not only to teens, but to adults and families.

So, when someone asks me, "What is Promise House?", my first thought is, "Oh, god, here I go again......how can I do this without their eyes glazing over???"

Options:
"We drag kids off the street and save them".....a bit drastic.
"We shelter homeless, runaway, and at-risk teens"..........BORING.
"We embrace homeless, runaway, and at-risk teens, giving them individualized skills, encouragement, and hope to live a better life".......too long and a bit touchy-feely, even if it is our mission statement!
"We serve kids in crisis".......too short and doesn't tell the whole story.
"We offer a myriad of services for runaway, homeless, and at-risk teens"........again, true but boring.

You get my drift?

How do we get to the heart of what we do? How do we describe in 30 seconds the transformation we see EVERY day with kids who come to us with literally nothing and leave with an education, a job, money, an apartment, and most importantly, self confidence and hope for the future?

How do we say in an elevator ride that the young homeless parents who come to us become GREAT parents, breaking the cycle of poverty, homelessness, repeat pregnancies, and child abuse?

What are 25 words or less than can describe the energy, the creativity, the passion, and the beauty that are embodied in the teens with whom we work?

How do we change people's perceptions about teens in general, and in particular the teens we serve, in two sentences?

I'm stumped. Ideas are welcome.

What is YOUR elevator speech?

The End-All Ain't Gonna End It

2011-09-23T10:53:00.003-05:00

So, here is why HUD's end-all to solving the homelessness problem, Permanent Supportive Housing, will NOT end homelessness.

Reason One: The requirements of eligibility for Permanent Supportive Housing i.e., persons with mental or physical disabilities, and chronically homeless individuals and families knocks at least 80% of the homeless population out of the running for housing. The chronically homeless make up only 10 - 15% of the total homeless population, and yet currently receive 90% of services. There is something wrong with this equation!

Reason Two: Permanent Supportive Housing does NOTHING to plug the pipeline into chronic homelessness i.e., homeless teens and young adults, teens aging out of foster care and the juvenile justice system (up to 38% of whom will be homeless at least once in the two years following emancipation). 95% of teens and young adults are NOT chronically homeless (on the street for at least a year or 4 homeless episodes in the past 2 years), and we do not want them labeled as such; BUT they WILL be if they are not assisted now. Additionally, most teens do not qualify as disabled (thank heavens!), and we don't want them labeled as such. The teens at Promise House are in school, working, raising kids, and functioning in the world. But they wouldn't be without our help.

Reason Three: Teens and young adults have very different needs than do chronically homeless adults. They need a phased program that moves from fairly high structure and supervision all the way to independent living, which includes housing and support services. You can't just stick a teen in an apartment, or give a teen a housing voucher or 3 month's rent, say "Go be successful", and expect success.

The only way to truly stop chronic homelessness is to plug the pipeline into it. If you were to ask 20 chronically homeless adults if they were homeless as teens or young adults, at least 15 would say yes.

I don't know why this is such a difficult concept to get. Maybe when the "end homelessness by" deadlines pass and there is still homelessness, folks that make the funding decisions will scratch their heads and wonder why.

Maybe they should ask me.

Echoes From Our Children

2011-09-02T09:50:00.003-05:00

It's awesome and a bit scary to see your children speak out on issues about which they are passionate. I have two daughters, both of whom are extremely articulate, are passionate about many causes, and who sounded off recently about the Texas Legislature cutting funds to Planned Parenthood. My oldest, Kat, wrote a commentary on her website, and my youngest, Leslie, posted an article from the Austin paper, adding a few choice words, which I won't repeat here.

Both girls were raised in diametrically opposed environments---liberal feminist with their mother and conservative conservative with their dads. What this forced them to do was forge their own beliefs from the two, which they did very well. Lucky for me, their beliefs landed much closer to mine than their dads' (LOL!). This is not to say, however, that they track right down the line with my beliefs. Leslie, for instance, was heavily influenced by her church experience and holds very different beliefs from me about all that. Kat, on the other hand, is even more "radical" than I on many issues and is totally unafraid to speak out uncensored about them.

What we are very close in belief about, however, is women's health. Kat has used Planned Parenthood most of her adult life for low-cost well-woman check-ups, birth control, and treatment for female ailments. Having had no insurance since graduating from college, PP was a godsend for her. So, to lose that resource is devastating to her. Although Leslie has never used PP, many of her friends have, for the same stuff that Kat did. What none of them has ever used PP for is abortions.

But I am not here to debate that issue. What I am here to say is how strange it is sometimes to hear echoes of my voice in my daughters' voices......how fearful I am sometimes for them for speaking out.....and how aware I am that they are so much more politically savvy, so much more aware of what's happening in the world, and SO much more willing to speak out about it than I was at their ages, that I often stand in awe of both of them.

It has often been said that our children reflect both the best and worst of us. I think I lucked out with my girls. They seemed to have gotten the best of both their dads and me. And though it is a little scary to see and hear them stand up, speak out, take the heat for their beliefs, when I hear those echoes, it does my heart good to know they GOT what I wanted them to get........their OWN, strong voices.

2011-08-31T14:31:00.000-05:00

"Repurpose" the Texas Legislature

2011-08-04T08:20:00.005-05:00

My friend Larry James wrote about this today, and I just can't help chiming in with him about what a disgrace it is that the Texas Legislature actually "repurposed" funds that were raised by "six million Texas power customers paying a little extra each month to provide utility-bill assistance to those who otherwise couldn't afford to stay cool" (Dallas Morning News Editorial 8-2-11).

WHAT????

As leader of a nonprofit like my friend Larry, I, too, would be in BIG trouble if I "repurposed" restricted funds to fill holes in my budget. Why, then, is it OK for legislators to do it.....particularly when it is MY money they are repurposing!!!

I suggest we cut off all power to every legislator's home and office until they gain even a miniscule amount of compassion for those less fortunate than they.

And, I demand a reckoning and an audit of these funds AND an explanation of exactly how the representatives of ME will restore these funds for such needy folks.

I think if I keep writing about this, my head will explode. Suffice it to say, I am DONE with these hyjinks, both at the state and federal level.

It may be time to march......or "repurpose" the state legislature.

Same Old

2011-08-03T09:45:00.004-05:00

So, here's a funny. Over the weekend, I was called at 12:30 a.m. Sunday morning to help the overnight shelter staff find the fire alarm key to disarm the alarm that had been pulled by a 9-year-old resident. The firefighters were going to break down the door of the office where the key was, so I decided to high-tail it up there.

I got to the shelter, unlocked the office, found the fire alarm key, gave it to the firefighters, laughed with them a bit about the false alarm (what IS it about firefighters that is SO engaging?), and then asked about the youngster who had pulled the alarm.

Upon learning his name, I wandered over to him and asked how he was doing. Crying, he said, "Not good." Me: "Why?" Him: "Cause I was trying to escape to find my mamaw." Me: "Did you pull the alarm?" Him: "No." Hmmmmm.......

Then he looks at me for the first time with tears running down his face and says, "You my mamaw!" Me: "You mean I look like her?" Him: "Yeah. Same old."

SAME OLD???? SAME OLD???? Now, I have to admit, I did NOT look my best after rolling out of bed to get here, but really? OLD???

Actually, I thought it was HILARIOUS. Only out of the mouths of kids would something like that come.

When I saw him the next day, he wasn't in a much better mood, but he did remember me. I was tempted to ask him if he thought I still looked "old", but decided not to risk it!

Gotta love 'em.

Were You Raised in a Barn??

2011-07-26T08:43:00.003-05:00

My daughter FINALLY found a job in Austin. At 20 years of age, she was among the 24.5% of young people who are unemployed in this country. The report of 9.something% unemployment that we all hear about constantly is very misleading, since it applies only to "adults".

Looking for a job is stressful as it is, but these days, it is a total whippin'. Leslie did all the right things.....followed the directions......got many interviews......wrote thank you notes......made follow up calls.......and would get NO RESPONSE FROM ANYONE. Even when they told her they would call her back, THEY DIDN'T. What is that about??? What happened to business etiquette? Are the pickings that great that you don't even have to be civil to another human being anymore?

I can't tell you how discouraging it was for her, and for me having to hear it from her. Total silence. Total rudeness. Trying to answer her questions of how can people be so callous, so uncaring made my blood boil, made me want to call those people up and tell them a thing or two, like, "Were you raised in a barn???", "Were you raised by wolves?" "Have you ever heard of MANNERS??" Instead, all I could say was, "No matter how they act, YOU must do your part and follow good business etiquette. Something will pop."

And, finally, it did. After six months of discouragement, anger, anguish.....of "what's wrong with me?" something did pop. But not without collateral damage, not without a not-very-fun this-is-how-the-real-world-can-be lesson.

The one thing I hope Leslie takes from this is to NEVER treat others as she has been treated this past six months. If she is ever in a position to hire people, to think back on this experience and make sure she is NOT silent, NOT rude, DOES call back when she says she will, ESPECIALLY when she is not going to hire someone. That is the least she can do.

After all, isn't that what we all want? To be acknowledged, to be left with our honor and our egos in tact, even in rejection?

Seems little to ask.

Ten Year Tally

2011-06-13T11:05:00.004-05:00

I have been President of Promise House for ten years this month and with the agency 13. Hard to believe. There are days I think I have accomplished absolutely nothing, and then other days when I feel pretty good about what we’ve done. Here’s some of the good stuff:

• I’ve had my same executive team for 9 years.
• I have the BEST executive assistant in the universe.
• We have gone from raising a little over $200,000 in local funds the first
year I took over to now raising over $1,000,000 per year.
• We have had a lot of fun.
• We have had some incredibly funny stories and weird happenings to keep us
from being bored.
• We totally re-branded the agency i.e., new vision, mission, values, new logo
and tag line, new website, new collaterals, banners, the whole 9 yards.
• We jumped into the Social Media world with both feet. I LOVE it!
• I’ve had the privilege of meeting some of the most incredible people across
the country through my involvement with National Council on Youth Policy and
Grant Review.
• We saved our largest state program from total anihilization.
• We’ve served over 40,000 teens and their family members since I took over.
• My Leadership Team (VPs, Managers, and me) has grown tremendously in areas
of conflict resolution, team work across departments, productivity,
connection with and respect for each other.
• Our Street Outreach Team has more than tripled the number of teens brought
into the shelter and transitional living annually. They are awesome!
• We have gone from the best kept secret in Dallas to a pretty-well-known
agency. Long way to go still.
• I have worked with some incredibly dedicated board members over the last 10
years.
• PH continues to have unbelievably dedicated staff.
• The kids—what a blast to be able to interact and hang out with them on a
daily basis.

Here’s Some of the Bad Stuff:
• Government continues to be the bane and life-blood of our existence. With
the recent news of the Office of Adolescent Pregnancy Program totally
closing at the federal level, we are losing our Parents with Promise Program
TOTALLY. The volatility of government funding SUCKS.
• Turn over is still too high at the case manager level. We are working
currently to grade that position to give folks somewhere to go in the agency.
• We STILL cannot seem to get the attention of the important people in
Dallas.
• We still need to grow our board of directors, both in numbers and in
influence.
• We haven’t grown like I want us to. Several attempts at expansion have not
worked out. Still pondering how to do that.
• Raising unrestricted $$ gets harder and harder every year.
• State Government…..enough said.
• Impact of the great recession. Survival mode is not fun.
• Day-to-day grind of never enough, never good enough, never fast enough,
never having time to savor victories or good stuff before something bad
WHAMS us in the face.

So, the rule of feedback is to sandwich bad stuff between good stuff, and end with hope. Therefore, I’ll end with the BEST thing:

I work in an honorable profession, have the honor and privilege of being involved in the lives of some of the most incredible teens on earth, get to work with dedicated and mission-driven staff, get to meet terrific people from across the country, have an incredible network of support when I need it, and, as a colleague from Oklahoma once said, I get to make whatever I want out of this job and the agency.

When I look at it that way, I think the good pretty well Xs out the bad. Here’s to 10 more.

GO MAVS!!

One of Our Own Advances!

2011-06-02T12:15:00.003-05:00

Congratulations are in order for Regina Levine, Promise House Transitional Living Program Manager! She has been promoted to manage BOTH the Emergency Shelter AND TLP services for PH.

Regina has been with Promise House eight (8) years and has progressively increased her skills and credentials to be positioned as an expert in the youth services field. She originally came to PH as an intern working on her Masters degree in Counseling from Texas A&M Commerce. Of course we hired her when she finished and has served as Program Manager for several different programs. Along the way, she has become a Licensed Child Care Administrator and a Licensed Child Placement Administrator (both necessary to work with teens who have children). This August, she will receive her SECOND masters degree in social work! She has also participated in federal grant reviews, giving her a broad-spectrum knowledge of programs and grant-writing.

We are thrilled to have been able to promote from within, which is always our first choice and Regina was the perfect candidate. Her experience with teens and with parenting teens is tremendously valuable; especially since we are currently writing a grant to provide emergency shelter services to young teen parents (under the age of 18) and their children. She will be instrumental in helping to design this program.

It is ALWAYS such a thrill for me to watch employees grow and mature in their profession and aspire to advance, especially someone who has worked as hard as Regina has.

So, congratulations once again, Regina! Looking forward to great things from you!

The Ask

2011-05-13T12:02:00.001-05:00

My father used to say about his mother, who was a Republican National Committeewoman for years in Arkansas (and who tirelessly worked to get women out to vote), that you never wanted to start a conversation with her, because she would corner you and start asking for money for the Republican Party. I have a feeling my friends and family may be feeling the same way about me!

In my role as President of PH, I certainly have my hand out a lot. And here I am again, touting the golf tournament and auction, asking each of you to dig deep in support of our teens. Asking never gets easier for me. I get the “willies” just like anyone else when it comes to asking folks I know for money. BUT, and it is a very big but, the cause for which I am asking is SO critical and SO important to the future, not only of the teens we serve, but of our community, our state, our nation, that it overrides the fear.

So I am asking. I’m asking my board members, my staff, my friends, my colleagues, my neighbors. I’m asking that you sponsor the tournament. I’m asking that you give us names of potential sponsors. I’m asking that you bid on the auction. I’m asking that you secure auction items for us to add to the auction. I’m asking, and I’m offering you the opportunity to save a teen’s life, to give him hope for a bright future, to help her become a productive and independent citizen of our community.

I’m asking and I’m going to keep on asking. I’ll try not to corner you, however.

Have a great weekend. It’s supposed to be beautiful!

Inspiration Amidst Trial and Tribulation

2011-05-12T08:46:00.000-05:00

Amidst all the tribulations of budget cuts, program cuts, outrageous bills being passed, and general dismal news, there are still great and inspirational things happening every day in the non-profit world, facilitated by incredible people. Promise House was recently on the receiving end of one such event.

There is a group in Dallas called The Real Estate Council (TREC), whose members are not only realtors, but other folks that support the industry i.e. attorneys, architects, electrical contractors, etc. Within the group is an Associate Leadership Class, made up of young, promising men and women in the profession. Every year, this class takes on a BIG capital project for a non-profit, and THIS year, Promise House was their beneficiary.

What they did was totally amazing. Our proposal to them was to build a 2,000 square foot storage facility in which to house donations for all of our programs. Well, when they got to Promise House and saw that ½ of the upstairs in our main building was still not finished out, they decided the storage building was not enough, and that they wanted to finish out half of that space as well, for us to use for our teens.

SOOOO, not only did they build our 2,000 square foot storage facility (and build side-walks, plant grass and flowers, and clean up the play area), they TOTALLY created and finished out two rooms upstairs, one for a “store” for our clients and the other (very large) for a multipurpose room for our teens. They erected walls, sheet-rocked and painted, put in HVAC, lighting, carpet, and whatever else was needed to get us green-tagged by the city. Their contribution to PH ended up being well over $100,000.

AND at the dedication ceremony last week, THEY thanked US for being able to do the project for PH! How cool is that??

We have always loved our volunteers, and this project is a very big reason why. Promise House could not do what we do without the help of passionate, committed, creative, and talented volunteers.

I know each of you has similar inspirational stories to tell. I would love to hear them!

The Story Seekers

2011-04-13T13:24:00.000-05:00

While I was in Austin last week, I had the privilege of seeing my daughter, Kat’s, new play, The Story Seekers. She wrote the play specifically to fit the grounds of the Elizabet Ney Museum in Hyde Park. What a fabulous scene! The museum itself looks like a castle, and it is set on fantastical grounds with foot bridges, creeks, tree swings, and winding paths—PERFECT for the fantasy she wrote.

The story involves a princess, a Story Teller, and lost children. The princess, Bet, is about to be killed by a mean General who has taken over the kingdom and dictated that NO stories will ever be told again. The kingdom must live only in the present and future—no history allowed! The Story Teller saves her by taking her to a magical place where there are only children. The trick, however, is that he takes their life stories and changes them as he pleases; and only HE can tell stories in this land. The longer they stay with him, the more they forget their stories, until they no longer even know who they were, where they came from, or what their names were.

Of course, two of the children (along with Bet) outsmart the Story Teller, take their stories back, send him running, and restore Bet to her kingdom (very short synopsis of the outcome).

I was so struck watching this fantastical play at the powerful metaphor of stories. I’ve said so many times how difficult it is for the teens at Promise House to maintain their history, to know and remember their stories; and how important we are in anchoring them to a GOOD and HOPEFUL story. I know this is why so many stay in touch with us. We ARE their story. We ARE their history. We ARE the beginning of their GOOD story.

So many of our kids have had their stories stolen, changed, convoluted, erased, forgotten, or damaged by years in the system, moving from place to place, being abused, being lied to, being forgotten. Thank god we can reconnect them, or connect them back to themselves. Hallelujah for stories and for the power to influence them in positive ways.

Aside from the fact that I think Kat is a genius and incredibly talented (where DID she get that??), I am so grateful to have been able to see this fun, magical, and powerful play. It re-confirmed for me how important our work at Promise House is and how fortunate we are to be in the presence of such great young people, my daughter included.

What is YOUR story? How do you keep it alive?

Stressor of the Day - Promise House Style

2011-03-31T14:03:00.012-05:00

So......I'm sitting at my desk today and see two police cars in front of our building. They were side by side blocking the street, and it looked like they were just chatting with each other.....UNTIL....I see one of the officers get out of her car and walk toward a white van that was parked incorrectly in front of our building. As she started writing the ticket, I jumped up from my desk, ran down the hall to the lobby, asked whose van it was, found out it belonged to a parent who was bringing her son here for help, told her she was getting a ticket, and ran outside to see if I could stop them from writing it. The mother ran out with me, but we were too late.

The police cars had pulled away. I took the ticket from the windshield--$45.00!! I thought the woman was going to faint. Her son came out with her, and she started talking to him in a foreign language. I couldn't understand the language, but I could certainly understand the tone. She was VERY angry. When I asked her what she said, she told me that she told him it was his fault that she got the ticket, because if she hadn't needed to bring him here, none of this would have happened!

NOW......before you judge this woman harshly for what she said to her son, try to remember the amount of stress she is under and what additional stress was added by this $45.00 ticket. She can't pay that ticket! And if she doesn't pay it in 30 days, the amount doubles, and then if she doesn't pay that, they issue a warrant for her arrest. Just what she needs. I did, however, say that maybe she shouldn't go so far as to say the ticket per se was her son's fault. She agreed and iterated what I already knew.....this was one more stressor she did not need.

About this time, the two police cars had stopped up the block at the stop sign. We ran up to the corner and asked if they could reverse the ticket, since she and her son were clients of Promise House and had NO money and didn't know where to park or that parking that way was illegal. Nope. The officer said they can't "undo" tickets once they've been written, but she could call the number on the back of the ticket, give them the circumstances and see if they would dismiss it. I encouraged her to do so and to have the police call me if they needed verification of the story.

This very frustrating story is a perfect metaphor for what our families go through every day. One barrier after another, never enough money, or time, or food, or clothing, or resources to fix what to most of us would have been a minor inconvenience.

Which is exactly why I jumped up and ran outside to try and stop the police. I KNOW what this will do to this mother, her relationship with her son, and the incredible stress it will put on her financially. I just really hope she calls that number on the back of the ticket and that whoever she talks with that day is feeling compassionate, or that they will at least call me. Keep your fingers crossed.

Spring Has Sprung!!

2011-03-25T16:50:00.001-05:00

Spring has Sprung in Dallas!! My Redbud Tree is blooming, as is my Yellow Jasmine. My Japanese Maple has tiny buds just about to burst into beautiful red leaves, and my Jonquils are very yellow! No purple Iris yet, but they will emerge soon, I’m sure.

The dead plants in my various porch planters look REALLY dead now that other stuff is blooming, so I guess I know what I’ll be doing this weekend.

I LOVE Spring and Summer! I’m sorry for those of you up North who are still waiting, but I am jumping up and down with glee over the “bustin’-out-all-over I see happening in Big D. The azaleas are just about to add to the riot of color all over town (my all time favorite!), and The Dallas Aboretum is literally bursting with color and a zillion new flowers! Daylight Savings Time is right around the corner, (Hallelujah!)--I don’t even mind losing the hour—time just seems to expand with the longer days.

Time to get the screen porch spiffed up and cleaned for porch-sittin’ and spying on the neighbors (one of my favorite past times), put some color in the porch planters, clean out the flower beds (of course, I’M not going to do that, but time to do it anyway), and generally do some Spring Cleaning.

Speaking of which, what kind of Spring Cleaning do you need to do? Besides all the house stuff, how about clearing the cobwebs out of our brains and letting in some new thoughts, ideas, and information? Time to take the vacuum cleaner to our heads and clean out all that dead stuff that’s been hibernating all winter. Time to breathe in new life and exhale all that old, dusty stuff.

Or, if you’ve been incubating new plans, ideas, or projects all winter, NOW is the time to put them into action! Paint that wall, put in that bird bath, redesign your living room, create! Spring is the time for birth, rebirth, resurrection. The death of Winter gives way to the newness of Spring and all the possibilities that come with it. Time to come out of hibernation and create something grand!

OMG! I just saw a Robin for the first time this Spring! How cool is that?

FROZEN IN DALLAS

2011-02-10T08:52:00.002-06:00

Well, I sat at home once again yesterday as Mother Nature blew sleet and snow all over this totally unprepared city. Dallas schools were once again closed, along with eight million others in North Texas. I know all you folks up North think we are a bunch of wusses down here in Texas, and we no doubt are!

Furthermore, I really don’t want to become a winter weather warrior. I live in Texas because I love warm weather, even hotter than hot weather. I HATE cold weather! When it gets below 65, I start getting grumpy. Imagine my state of mind yesterday and today at 18 balmy degrees with wind chill at minus one!!

Last week, schools were closed for an unprecedented four days! I have lived in Dallas over 40 years, and that has never happened. And, of course, you all know the effect of the weather on the pre-Super Bowl activities. Thank goodness it did at least become beautiful in time for the weekend. But, geez, what torture leading up to the big game!

And speaking of the big game, what happened to the thousands of prostitutes that were supposed to be transported in? Promise House heard nary a peep from Dallas police, and to my knowledge, only one guy was arrested for bringing in underage girls. Did the weather keep them at home, or was the estimate totally overblown, as was opined by the Dallas Observer, Dallas’ alternative news source?!

And my poor direct-care staff. We should use the Post Office slogan…..neither sleet nor snow or whatever keeps them from coming to work…….because they HAVE to! Kids don’t disappear just because it’s snowing or sleeting. One of my morning staffers left her house at 3:30 a.m. to get to work at 7:00!! That is ridiculous!

We admit it. We have no clue how to handle this stuff!! Last Thursday I braved the streets to buy groceries for the shelter (I live only one mile from work so get elected to do all kinds of fun things), since the Food Bank was closed and no one could leave the shelter. In my brand new Jeep (which I wasn’t too keen about exposing to the idiots on the road) I did just fine, and you would’ve thought I was the Messiah when I brought in the over $400 worth of bounty, which by the way, lasted a whopping 2 ½ days (those kids can EAT!!) I brought my trusty dog with me who I have nicknamed The Hulk, because he is a giant Golden Retriever, and when I left one of the guys said, “Thank you for bringing your dog and THANK YOU SO MUCH for bringing the FOOD!” It’s the little things.

My only saving grace out of this entire debacle is that this summer the joke will be on y’all. When it’s 103 up there in the North 40, you will be prostrate on the floor without air conditioning, and we’ll be cool as little cucumbers with our totally climate-controlled world. For that we ARE prepared!!

Stay warm. It's 18 degrees in Dallas, TX......unbelievable.

A Different Side of the Super Bowl

2011-01-25T11:55:00.002-06:00

As all of you know, the Super Bowl is coming to Dallas. Well here’s a side to it that you never hear about….at least publically. My V.P. of Programs, Alex, was contacted this week by the Child Exploitation Unit of the Dallas Police Department for Promise House to be a shelter for under-age prostitutes that get picked up during the Super Bowl. I’ve been haunted thinking about this discussion and the numbers of prostitutes that will be brought in for the Super Bowl. Is this Las Vegas or something? Geez, I simply cannot get my head around this kind of blatant, slimy, behavior engaged in by so many people. The even more horrific thought is the number of under-age prostitutes, both girls and boys, who will brought in to be used and abused.

Promise House is no stranger to helping prostitutes, both under-age and young adults. Thankfully, not in the numbers that are projected to be dealt with during the Super Bowl, but still, the issues are the same. So many get caught up in it simply trying to survive, trying to get something to eat, have someplace to stay. Teens (both boys and girls) 18 and under on the street will be approached by a “pimp” within 48 hours of “arriving” on the street. Lost, hungry, and confused, they get lured in and the downward spiral begins. They are objectified, bought, sold, used and abused in horrific ways.

Thankfully, the Dallas Police Department is beginning to understand the fact that under-age prostitutes are victims, not criminals. Letot Center, the shelter run by the Juvenile Justice Department here in town, is doing some great work with these kids. Instead of being arrested, these kids are now brought to Letot for special programming and help. This is what we will be doing during the Super Bowl. We have no idea how many will come to Promise House, but I’ll let you know how it goes.

These kids are someone’s children. They had hopes and dreams. They didn’t say when they were little, “Gee, I think I want to be on the street and become a prostitute when I grow up.” They certainly didn’t say, “I’m looking forward to being bought and sold and used and abused when I grow up.” They’ve had their childhoods and youth snatched from them in the most traumatic way. Hopefully, while they are with us, we can give them back a little of that youth and some of their hopes and dreams. At the very least, we can offer them a warm bed, good food, clean clothes, a shower, and a listening ear…..all with no strings attached.

Wish us luck.

On Turning 60....

2011-01-11T08:28:00.002-06:00

Thursday, January 6, I turned 60. Every time I say that, I have such cognitive dissonance that I think my brain will explode. Sixty,sixty, sixty. Maybe if I say it enough, it will no longer freak me out. I have outlived my mother and my older brother, Bill. Fortunately, however, not my father or my other sibs. My brother, Ross, is even more freaked out about my birthday than I; because it means he's NEXT!!

How can we be this old? It really is unfathomable to me that sixty years of my life have passed. Really, I'm stunned. I'm just stunned.......particularly when so much of my stream-of-consciousness thinking encompasses long-ago scenes, activities, memories, thoughts, and events that FEEL so current i.e., when I see a young mother struggling to corral her kids and flash on memories of myself doing the same; I certainly don't feel 30 years older than she at that moment.....it seems I was JUST doing what she is currently doing. Likewise, when I’m hanging out with Promise House teens or other young people, I don’t feel old enough to be their mother or even grandmother (heaven forbid!!). I feel as vital, passionate, energetic, and cool as they are; unless, of course, I try to play basketball or volleyball with them. Then, unfortunately, I am brought up short VERY QUICKLY as to my lack of youth! But when I’m with them, I don’t FEEL any age difference……I am right back in my own adolescence or young adulthood with them.

It's uncanny how ALL of my life is carried around with me, with parts of it being triggered by a scent, a sound, a song.....and I am RIGHT back there.....and it is CURRENT....and it is WITH me.....and I don't FEEL 60.....I feel 20 or 15 or 35 or 5....and then I notice myself in a mirror.....and I am once again stunned.....because I AM 60!

My vanity is really getting the best of me on this birthday. I have friends who have celebrated their graying hair, their increased wrinkles, proudly announcing that they earned every one of them and are happy to show them off. I, on the other hand, want no such part of this celebration. I will go to my grave covering at least some of my gray and fighting those pesky little wrinkles one by one!

I admit that I am of the Boomer group who wants to be eternally young, who is totally vain, self-involved, and bent on turning back time, as impossible as that is. I've often said that I'm going for 120, still lookin' and feelin' good. I have lucked out with fabulous genes, good health, pretty good looks, and a fair amount of athleticism and may get close to that; however, none of these will save me in the end. I will still get old (hopefully) and die.

Since I can’t go backwards, and the only other option is very unappealing, I guess 60 doesn’t look all that bad. I AM still above ground, functioning, healthy, happy, energetic, and optimistic. Hopefully, I have lots more years to wrestle the hands of time, if not backwards at least not so quickly forward. And I will continue to be stunned at the passage of time, the aging of my friends, family, and me; and I will continue to carry my life around with me and be all kinds of different ages all the time.....that is, until I spy myself in a mirror.

2011 New Years Resolutions for our Government

2011-01-10T14:25:00.003-06:00

Happy New Year, Everyone!

During the holidays, I came up with a small list of resolutions our government should make in 2011 regarding the plight of homeless and runaway teens in our country:

Housing – The US Department of Housing and Urban Development and the Department of Health and Human Services (ACYF/FYSB) should get together to offer funding for housing and support services for our teens. HUD should re-open funds for transitional housing, which is critical for the success of our teens—they are NOT chronically homeless and most do not have a severe enough disability to be eligible for permanent supportive housing—and DHHS, through the Family Youth Services Bureau should offer funds for support services directly linked to the housing funds. These services would include case management, food, clothing, furnishings, medical and dental, family planning, and everything else we all currently provide for these kids. So, come on HUD and DHHS, what do you say???

Top Billing – Homeless and runaway teens and young adults should be DHHS’ and HUD’s top priority. They should resolve that in order to truly end homelessness in this country, these kids will be a priority focus this coming year and for at least the next 10 years.

Congressional Resolve – Both houses of Congress should resolve to end their neglect of these kids, as demonstrated by the paltry funding that continues to be dedicated to them, by resolving to dramatically increase funding to the Runaway/Homeless Youth Act, to transitional housing funds through HUD, and to other programs that serve these teens.

I’m sure there are many more I could up with, but these will do for a start. My BIG question to the Universe, Congress, and anyone else who will listen is, “When will we get that helping young people get off the streets is SOOOOO much cheaper and SOOOO much more effective than waiting until they are 45, addicted to everything on earth, in horrible health, with terrible mental health conditions?? It is SUCH a no-brainer for me,

Unfortunately, I know that I am preaching to the choir here. You all know the story. You see it every day. Somehow, we need to find the time and the voice to make sure that our government knows the story, that they see it EVERY day, and that they DO NOT ignore this most important story.

So, perhaps our New Year’s resolution should be to be the VERY loud, SQEAKY wheel that gets the grease!

Happy LOUD, SQUEAKY New Year!!!

The Best Christmas Tree Ever

2010-12-17T15:13:00.001-06:00

I’ve been partying so heartily this month that I completely forgot about blogging. But last Wednesday as we were decorating the Promise House Christmas Tree, I once again became awe-struck by the ability of our teens to be……just kids; and was inspired to tell you.

As we pulled out the decorations, decided how to do the lights, discussed which ornaments to put where, and ate pounds of popcorn, all the trauma, sadness, instability, abuse, fear, and uncertainty of their lives took a very backseat to the fun of the hour. We had babies, toddlers, tweens, teens, young adults, and us old staffers laughing, talking, decorating, and eating together as the tree blossomed into probably our best Christmas Tree Ever!

Even the shy ones got in on the act. With a little coaxing, a very timid 15-year old girl, who hates crowds, accepted the ornaments I brought her and found just the right spot on the tree for them. The older teens were helping the young kids reach to new heights (literally) while the toddlers wobbled around playing with and dropping the shatter-proof (thank goodness) ornaments.

When completed, the tree shone like magic and the kids, stuffed with popcorn and good cheer, shone right along with it. A good time was had by all.

I’ve often said that one of our most important roles in the lives of our kids is to be an anchor in their many-times stormy lives. Although we facilitate family visits, parties, overnight stays, and gift giving during the holidays with our teens and their families, there are always those kids who have no family, whose families fail to show or who disappoint, or kids who can’t be with their family for a variety of reasons. Consequently, it is experiences like the one we shared last Wednesday that serve as the anchor for them; that help them remember they are cared about, even loved. Hopefully, some day when these kids are grown and decorating their own Christmas trees with their families, they will fondly remember a long-ago day of tree decorating at Promise House…..and the sanctuary provided for them on that day.

That is the best Christmas gift for which we could ever hope!

Flavors of the Feast

2010-11-23T13:16:00.005-06:00

Tomorrow, as I make cornbread dressing and cranberry-orange relish for Thanksgiving (my brother is doing the turkey, thank god!), my thoughts will drift to Thanksgivings long past. Voices and images from those times will appear, some randomly, some triggered by a task, an aroma, a taste, some newly escaped from the cobwebs of my brain: the pre-dinner ritual of polishing silver, washing crystal and china, setting the table just so; my grandmother, Hattye, grinding cranberries and oranges with her ancient grinder (man, I wish I had that grinder!), my mother baking and then drying bread for dressing, the chop, chop, chopping of onion and celery, the constant tasting of everything, and the ambrosia.....food for the gods. Each of these memories flavor this year's delectables, are talked about again and again, and with the talking, are passed on to my daughters for future Thanksgiving dinners.

I wonder if we even know how profound the traditions we create as families are. How crucial they are to our children's lives, to their growth, to their sense of belonging. And how devastating it is when there are none to which a child can anchor himself or herself. I can't imagine not being able to draw from the incredibly rich traditions and stories of my family, not having that history to add girth and foundation to my history, having no backdrop for my life.

And yet, there are thousands upon thousands of kids who come to us every year totally unmoored from family, from their history, from anything positive to draw upon. And as their temporary sanctuaries, it is our job to BE that anchor, that history, that positive; to create memories and traditions that will live on in them, that will give them stories they want to tell their children, traditions they want to emulate.

Thanksgiving is a very big tradition at Promise House.....every year.....and this year will be no different. There will be tons of food, fun, and memories-in-the-making; so that on some future day, when one of our teens is fixing his or her family's Thanksgiving dinner, voices and images of a happy, long-past Thanksgiving at Promise House will appear and will flavor their feast.

Gratitude Lists

2010-11-19T09:10:00.003-06:00

Thanksgiving is coming to Promise House today. We will enjoy our annual Thanksgiving Lunch with staff and teens. Our infamous cook, Peggy, has already done the turkey, dressing, and gravy. The rest of us are bringing sides (I hope!) We usually end up with five times more desserts than anything else.

So, what to be grateful for today? All of the twelve-step programs encourage daily gratitude lists to connect with what is right in our lives. In several of the darkest times of my life, these lists have saved me from absolute despair. But, when things get better, we (at least I) "forget" to do them. It's like the saying, "No one in a fox hole does not believe in God".....at our very worst or most fearful or most desperate, we call out, reaching for anything to ease our misery. In better times, we slide into complacency and forgetfulness. We take good things for granted.

But life is only a fleeting moment. What is here this minute is gone the next. There is no tomorrow.....certainly no guarantee of one. To be grateful in the moment, for whatever is in your life is a true gift and skill. To be present, really present TODAY, this minute, this second, is no easy task. Yet, it is the ONLY way to stay in gratitude.

Sounds great, huh? I can only get glimpses of that state of being. I can take baby steps every day. I can text Leslie and tell her I love her. I can "FaceTime" Kat and tell her how beautiful she is. I can look around at my home, my neighbors, my "hood" and smile. I can call my father and yell (he's almost deaf) how glad I am that he is still with us.

Today, I am grateful for Peggy's sweet potato pies, Sonja's green salad, Paloma going and getting ice cream cakes, and the fact that the kitchen and dining room at PH will be crammed with teens and adults sharing a meal together. The smells will be intoxicating, the conversation loud and hilarious, the Turkey games stupid and fun, the amount of food our teens eat, awe-inspiring.

What's on your gratitude list today?

Paloma

2010-10-18T12:49:00.002-05:00

So, this is going to embarrass her to death, but today is my assistant’s five-year anniversary with Promise House. For those of you who have not had the pleasure of working with Paloma, let me just say that someone up their smiled down upon me when they sent her to me. As many of you know, I was beginning to be known as the Murphy Brown of Promise House. I couldn’t keep an assistant to save my life. I won’t go into all the details, but suffice it to say, I had just about given up all hope.

I knew Paloma from her history with Promise House. She not only had gone through our shelter years ago, but had served on the Board of Directors until she moved to Las Vegas. When Sonja, my street outreach manager, told me that Paloma was moving back to Dallas and wanted to interview for the position, I was very hesitant. But, after several conversations and interviews with her, she became my new assistant.....and I totally redeemed myself by hiring her!

Here are just a few of the highlights of her career thus far:
· She totally organized the government grant system (you have NO idea what a mammoth job that is!).
· She has totally taken over grant renewals, including HUD, which NO ONE understands (but her, now!).
· She set up the PH Connect system that we use for meeting and document management and continues to
manage and update it.
· She has created some of the coolest Power Point presentations ever.
· She screens my calls, protects me from weird solicitors, second-guesses what I need before I need it, keeps
all my correspondence catalogued and filed correctly, knows my calendar, and has such a pleasant demeanor
that most people would rather talk to her than me!
· She has served as translator more times than I can count and translates documents into Spanish whenever we
need it.
· She plans and organizes meetings like nobody’s business!
· She ALWAYS gets the catering right!
· She kept an orchid alive for almost 2 years that was given to me as a gift when my step-mother died (if it had
been up to me, that poor orchid would have been dead in a month!).

I’m sure I could go on forever, but here is the best part: I have NEVER heard her say anything but, “I’d be glad to”, “No problem”, “Don’t worry, we can fix it”, “I’ll get right on that”, “I’ll be happy to”, “Do you need me to work late?” Who does that??? From day one she kept a running list of her daily activities (she used to work for a law firm) which she emails to me at the end of each day, along with her plans for the next day. How cool is that??

By now she is probably hiding under her desk, but I can’t help bragging on her. I’ve often said that you can train someone on just about anything. But you absolutely CANNOT train someone to have the kind of attitude Paloma has.
So, thank you Universe for sending her to me…...and thank you, Paloma, for being you.

Happy Anniversary. Here’s to many more.

Fair Frump

2010-10-08T13:21:00.003-05:00

So, am I a frump for not wanting to go to the Fair this year? Fried Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches? Fried Frito Pie??? Fried Beer???? Now, Fletcher’s Corny Dogs are sacred, but I’m not sure a trip just for them is on the books this year. Yes, the weather is gorgeous, but I think it will be much more fun sitting on my screen porch than fighting the madding crowds.

This doesn’t mean I haven’t enjoyed the Fair in the past. My childhood is replete with great memories of the Fair, and the admonishment from my parents that if we got lost, FIND BIG TEX and WAIT THERE! There were six of us, so someone always got lost. I will never forget the first time I rode the big wooden roller coaster with my Dad (I was about 6). As we crept up the first long hill, he’s saying, “See, Harriet, it’s not scary. Look what a great view you have of Dal……..” Then, WHOOOOOOSH, and the bottom falls out of the world, and I am so traumatized that I am unable to speak for the next 3 hours. Needless to say, I NEVER rode THAT thing again!

Then during high school, we bused down to Dallas every year from Sherman to march in parades, ride the rides, and eat all the gross food. It was a blast.

As my kids grew, an annual trip to the Fair was mandatory, with the numbers of kids to be chaperoned growing every year (as you know kids move in packs, with adults ALWAYS bringing up the rear). These were mostly fun times; HOWEVER, the year my kids were old enough to DROP THEM OFF at the front gate, I felt like I had been released from prison!!

I’ve been to the Fair in great weather, when it was 100 degrees in the shade, when it was pouring rain, on Texas OU Weekend (really bad mistake), during pregnancy (another bad mistake), in the evening when only a few people were there, and on a Saturday, when 10 million people were there. I’ve seen all the animals, new cars, pies, cakes, cooking gadgets, exercise equipment, “freak” shows, acrobats, folk singing groups, bird shows, etc. every year for at least 55 out of my almost 60 years on this earth.

I think I can take a year off. BUT…..I will really miss getting to ride the Carousel. It was the only ride my mother would ever get on, and I LOVED riding it with her every year. I just love those horses….and the music.

And....I have to admit, I will also miss Big Tex’s “HOWDY FOLKS!”

If you go, have a GREAT time and ride the Carousel once for my mother and me.............maybe next year.

Terror on Tuesday

2010-09-28T10:26:00.002-05:00

This has been a day of high emotion, and it's only 10:30 a.m. My older brother, Bill, would have turned 64 today had he lived, and there was a shooting at UT Austin, where my daughter is in school. The school is still on lock down as I write this, with one shooter dead and police searching for another suspect.

Even though this incident in no way compares to other mass shootings i.e., Columbine, West Virginia, I am a wreck. My daughter is right next door to the library where the first shooter killed himself, and I will not breathe easily again until the outcome of the 2nd suspect is determined.

When I texted her originally, she replied, "Chill, Mom. All the doors are locked." As if that could stop someone with an AK47???? Yeah, just chill. I think I'll go throw up, instead.

UT did an outstanding job of alerting everyone and shutting down the campus in record time. Leslie is in with 200 other kids in this auditorium-style class and has no idea how long she has to stay there.

More later, as I know more. I was going to write a nice tribute to my brother, which I will do, but not until I know Leslie is totally out of harm's way and OFF that campus.

Little Bee and Other Horrors

2010-09-21T09:26:00.003-05:00

I recently read the book, "Little Bee". It almost killed me. I had nightmares for a week--people shooting me, chasing me, dismembering me. I thought reading "The Lovely Bones" was a whipping (I didn't see the movie, needless to say), but "Little Bee" made it seem like child's play.

The story revolves around a young Nigerian refugee, Little Bee, who flees to America on a container ship after witnessing unspeakable atrocities to her family during the "war for oil". I won't say more than that in fear of having more nightmares, but suffice it to say it's NOT a comedy.

It is supposed to be a magical story of the undaunting human spirit, of the possibility of a transformed future, of love that conquers all; but truthfully, I never got there. I couldn't get passed the nightmare, the cowardice, the absolute brutality, the never-ending evil portrayed in a thousand different ways throughout the story (the women in my book club will have a field day with this!).

It reminded me of a near-death experience I had in graduate school. Due to an exploding ovary, I hemorrhaged internally and almost died before they got me to surgery to patch me up. As I lay on the surgery table, I felt myself leaving my body, floating up and up (like all the books tell you), could see myself lying there on the table, and thinking, "Wow, this feels great!" But then I remembered that I had a 3-year old daughter who was still at daycare and needed picking up, and, oh by the way, raising. So I decided I couldn't throw in the towel yet and had to get back down there into my body.......which, of course, I did. What I didn't do, however, was have that ecstatic spiritual experience that so many people speak of when they cheat death. All I felt was pissed off, depressed, and angry.

The same feelings occurred with this book. I have no concept of how people can call this book "magical", especially the ending. That is not to say that it is not beautifully written, well crafted, and significant. But the tragedy was simply too overwhelming for me to get to the magic.

This must be the way people feel when I tell them what I do for work. It seems to be almost overwhelming for them.....so much so that they are unable to see the magic I see. The magic of kids transforming before my very eyes. The magic of a horrifically traumatized young woman achieving her dream of a college degree. The magic of my staff and the daily miracles they perform. People who hear about my work go automatically to the tragedy, the loss, the trauma, the sadness; and until I can help them understand the magic, it alludes them.

I am those people about this kind of book. So, although this is beautifully written and profound, I think I can't read books like it anymore. And although I can see magic all day in my work, I need a break from tragedy, from trauma, from evil.....even when transformation or magic follows.....at least in the written word.....because I can't get to it.

My father used to wonder why we would go see "movies with meaning", as he would call them. "Why does everything have to make some damn statement? What happened to just plain entertainment?" I used to think that was so narrow-minded of him......until I began wondering the same thing. Maybe he needed "just plain entertainment" to soften all that he had seen and witnessed in his life. Maybe the same goes for me, as I near the age he was when he said that to me.

Some stories need a warning label: Unspeakable horrors ahead. Read at your own risk.

New Life Stage? We Already Know...

2010-08-24T09:39:00.003-05:00

The New York Times Sunday magazine had a very long article about 20-somethings and the new "life stage" proposed by psychologist Jeffrey Arnett. He is calling it "emerging adulthood". Guess what ages this new stage encompasses? Yep, 18 - 24....the age group I have been preaching about for the last several years. Why have I been preaching about them? Because if we don't help these young adults who are aging out of the foster care system and/or the juvenile justice system, up to 45% of whom will be homeless within 2 years of their emancipation--not to mention the thousands of other homeless young adults who are not connected to any system--we will NEVER end homelessness. They ARE the future generations of chronically homeless adults.

Dr. Arnett posits several causes for this new life stage: the need for more education to survive in the information-based economy, fewer entry-level jobs after all that education, young people marrying later, young women waiting to have children, to name a few. The characteristics of this stage include: identity exploration, instability, self-focus, feeling in-between, and "a sense of possibility".

The characteristic we see most in the young people with which we work, of course, is instability. They lack the luxury of focusing on education, or self exploration, or possibility, as they spend all of their energy simply surviving. Like Maslow's Heirarchy of needs, until they have their basic needs met, nothing else happens.

Although Arnett's theory in one way seems to be based upon privilege (only those with sturdy support systems have the luxury of "delaying adulthood"), what I really like about it is his insistence that these young adults have very different needs than either adolescents or adults. Although they look grown, the great majority of them are not, which is now being borne out in neurological study of the brain. We now know that the brain does not fully mature until at least age 25, and many times until age 30. Consequently, although these young people are more mature than adolescents, they are NOT adults, as defined by our society.

This research gives validity to my argument that adult homeless shelters are in no way appropriate for homeless young adults ages 18 - 24. However, neither are teen shelters, which operate on rigid schedules with tight supervision and strict curfews. What is needed is a two-pronged approach: a less rigid emergency center AND longer-term transitional housing WITH critically needed support services tailored to this age group i.e., educational support, life skills, parenting skills, credit establishment, family reunification, etc.

As with most other societal ills, we are currently treating the tail and not the dog. If we intervened appropriately in the lives of homeless young adults at this critical stage of between 18 and 24 years of age, we wouldn't see them at age 40 or 45, chronically homeless, addicted, and/or mentally ill (by the way, up to 40% of chronically homeless adults were in the foster care or juvenile justice systems as teens).

And, by the way, it's MUCH cheaper to treat them at 18 than it is at 45.

Why can't we get this???

Cliff Manor, Continued

2010-08-02T09:06:00.003-05:00

In case you haven’t seen the Dallas paper this morning, there is an Editorial about Cliff Manor and the way DHA has handled the project. It remains curious to me how it is that DHA is taking ALL of the heat on this and Councilman Neumann is taking NONE. It was he who let the town hall meeting disintegrate into the Jerry Springer show, and it was he who chose to wait til 10:00 at the neighborhood taskforce meeting (after we had been there since 6:00) to announce that 13 individuals were being moved into Cliff Manor this week.

There have been recent DHA and Metro Dallas Homeless Alliance cooperative permanent supportive housing projects “installed” in other councilpersons’ districts that have occurred smoothly, with good neighborhood input, and with general support (after much education). The difference is this: the other council members showed leadership and were honest and upfront with their constituents about what and what not they had input. Neumann has continuously tried to play both sides and has caused chaos to reign.

The Dallas Housing Authority and Metro Dallas Homeless Alliance are going to house the homeless. Mayor Leppert has said he is in support of this. As a neighbor of Cliff Manor and an Oak Cliff resident for many years, I totally understand the neighborhood rebelling against anything that would impede our many years of hard work to improve Oak Cliff’s image and economic standing in Dallas. As a representative of MDHA, I know the ins and outs of permanent supportive housing and the research that lends credibility to the model. It works. It does not devalue neighborhoods. In fact, it adds value many times.

The knee-jerk reaction of "not in my back yard" is based upon the premise that permanent supportive housing is intrinsically bad, that it causes problems for neighborhoods, that it has a negative impact on home values, and that the people who live in these projects are bad people. Although the research in no way bears this out, the lay person DOES NOT KNOW THIS. It is our job as professionals who KNOW the jargon, who BELIEVE in the model, and who SUPPORT the individuals moving in to do a much better job of educating our neighbors on the benefits of permanent supportive housing, of the controls in place for the protection of the neighborhood, and of the intrinsic value of the individuals moving into their neighborhood.

Otherwise, the Cliff Manor uproar is only the beginning.

Two Girls, Two Worlds, One Desitnation

2010-07-26T11:25:00.003-05:00

So, my darling daughter, Leslie, goes back to Austin to begin her sophomore year at UT on August 18. It’s been a bit of a bumpy summer for both of us, but all will end well. Lorena, Promise House's star Valedictorian of Carter High School, who has lived with us in our Transitional Living program since January, is also going to Austin in August to begin her freshman year at UT.

These two girls could not have come from any more different worlds; Leslie, somewhat spoiled (actually spoiled rotten!), pampered, dearly loved, bright, with many great things handed to her in life; Lorena, abused, passed from relative to relative, fighting for every good thing she has accomplished. And yet…..they are both teenagers, they are both brilliant, courageous young women…..their hopes, dreams, ambitions, fears, anxieties, are very similar. They both have to get “stuff” ready for their dorm room and apartment. They both had to get registered, will have to get books, will have to manage their schedules, their social lives, their money. They both will be navigating unfamiliar territory (Leslie is changing majors).

As different as the worlds from which they come are, they will be in the same world at UT—the great equalizer. Leslie will have me to call with emergencies, sorrows, joys, accomplishments, challenges, problems. Who will Lorena call? She will call US. She knows she can call Regina, her Program Manager or Sherlyn, her case manager or me or anyone here at Promise House anytime with any question, problem, accomplishment, great news, etc.

For holidays, Leslie will come to her home. Where will Lorena go? She will come to her home…..with Promise House. We have reserved a room for her in one of the TLP houses, so that she will always have a place to come home to while she is in college. And, she will help mentor the younger girls in the house while she is home. Pretty darn cool, huh? Chokes me up a bit.

I don’t know if Lorena has gone shopping for her dorm stuff, yet, but I know Regina and Sherlyn will get that done with her. I’ve told them that if they need my help getting Lorena down to Austin to let me know. Leslie and I will be going anyway, and I’m sure we can cram some more stuff in one of our cars.

I’m tellin’ you…….I just love my job.

Sometimes It's Really Hard to Say Goodbye

2010-07-01T13:02:00.002-05:00

Ashley had been with us in the shelter for about three months. She left today, and we are all sad, hopeful, and anxiously awaiting news of how she does with her mom.

Ashley came to us from a foster placement, because her foster parent could not handle both Ashley and her baby. So, Ashley stayed with us and the baby in foster care (I’m not sure why they would not place her and the baby with us), but luckily, Ashley got to see her baby regularly.

She made great strides while with us. She graduated from High School, became a leader among her peers, got a job with the Texas Network of Youth Services interviewing homeless teens for a research study, worked hard in counseling, got stabilized on the correct meds, and we all fell in love with her.

Since she is in the custody of Child Protective Services, it is their decision as to her next placement. We tried to get them to place her and her baby with us at Wesley Inn, but evidently, she still has life skills she needs to acquire before they will reunite her and her baby. At any rate, if she does well with her mom in the next several months, CPS has said she can have the baby back. Of course, we’ve told her to call us at any time if she needs us, and Alex met with her and gave her all sorts of fatherly advice (take your meds, don’t get in trouble, call us if you need us, etc.).

So say a prayer, send a good thought, or do whatever you do to hope for good things for this child. Cause that’s what she is, and she has become our child over the last three months. And….it’s very hard to let her go…..and sometimes it's just really hard to say goodbye.

The Jerry Springer Show Comes to the Cliff

2010-06-22T09:07:00.004-05:00

Welcome to the Jerry Springer Show! The only thing last night's Town Hall Meeting in Oak Cliff lacked was chair throwing and hair pulling. For the first time in 22 years, I'm embarrassed to say I live in Oak Cliff. I'm embarrassed NOT because people are against this project, but because of the way they have been allowed to act about the issue. MDHA and DHA have done a terrible job working with Oak Cliff on this issue.....that is crystal clear. There are, however, several things that are NOT clear to me.

Such as:

Why did Dave Neumann front load the question line with citizens he knew are adamantly opposed to this project? Those of us who might have had voices of reasons didn't stand a chance and would have had to stay til midnight to get a word in edgewise.
Why hasn't Mr. Neumann met with citizens in Oak Cliff who either support the project or at least are not rabidly opposed to it? He has met only with those persons who are railing against the project. I've heard no call or request from him to hear the other side.
Why did Mr. Neumann allow the meeting to degenerate so quickly? As facilitator, he had a great opportunity to show his leadership as a representative of Oak Cliff. He failed miserably.
Why hasn't MDHA and DHA put together an educational power point showing research outcomes for permanent supportive housing and the impact on surrounding neighborhoods? The citizens of Oak Cliff are badly informed about this and need good, solid, credible information.
Why haven't MDHA, DHA, and LifeNet put together a formal presentation on how Cliff Manor will change for the better, exactly what services will be offered (kind, quantity, quality, frequency, etc.) and the impact it will have on the neighborhood? When asked those questions last night, the answers were vague and useless.
Why didn't Bob Stimson check his research on the saturation of group homes in Oak Cliff? The saturation in Oak Cliff is from unlicensed and/or illegal group homes, hotels, and flop houses; which I would fight against just as hard as anyone. Cliff Manor is not one of these.
If Mr. Neumann knew about this project for a full year, why wasn't he talking about it much sooner?

It's pretty bad when opponents of this project come to the table with more facts and figures (even if they are inaccurate) than the promoters of the project. This is definitely a lesson in how NOT to move permanent supportive housing into a neighborhood.

It is critical for those of us who support these projects to be totally prepared with excellent educational materials, credible facts, information on how the project will improve the surrounding neighborhood, and to be able to second-guess objections and answer them BEFORE the shouting starts. Just because DHA has the ability to move forward with this project without approval from the neighborhood, that is no excuse for inadequate preparation, unconcerned attitudes about neighborhood reaction, and re-iteration of federal law.

On the other hand, just because the introduction of this project has been handled very poorly, that is NO excuse for the behavior of my neighbors that occurred last night. I hold Mr. Neumann partially responsible for allowing it to occur, but ultimately, each citizen is responsible for his or her behavior. I think we need some lessons in manners!

In the end, if we are going to end chronic homelessness in Dallas through permanent supportive housing, which I totally support, we are going to have to do a MUCH better job of educating our neighbors and building strong relationships with ALL the neighborhoods in Dallas. Nobody likes surprises or having something crammed down their throat.

HELP!!! Keep that Homeless Person Away From My Kid!!

2010-06-03T14:03:00.003-05:00

Group seeks to stop plan for Oak Cliff apartments for homeless News for Dallas, Texas Dallas Morning News Oak Cliff News

So, all of a sudden, Oak Cliff folks are screaming about Cliff Manor Apartments housing chronically homeless adults, even though it has been housing very similar clientele forever. One of the primary arguments they put forth is the possible danger to school kids vis a vis the proximity of the apartments to area schools. It's like, all of a sudden, all of the perpetrators in Dallas will be moved into Cliff Manor and swoop down on the kids or sell them drugs or abduct them or god-knows what else. The companion argument is, why not let Cliff Manor continue to house senior citizens and disabled citizens.......as if, once you reach a certain age or if you're disabled, you can no longer be a perpetrator! Sorry folks, but grandpa (or grandma, for that matter) is just as likely to be a perpetrator as is chronically homeless Joe or Jane; and a disability hardly disqualifies you from being a perpetrator.

The folks who will live in Cliff Manor have NO greater chance of being terrible people than the ones already living there. In fact, they stand a much better chance of being productive, contributing citizens, because of the intense support services that will be available to them i.e., counseling, case management, psychiatric services, help finding jobs, etc. There are no such services available to the current residents.

There is also upset about some kind of permit being needed. Why now, when DHA has been operating this apartment building as is for years.....?

So are you really upset about the change in clientele, or is the upset because Mary Ann Russ, CEO of the Dallas Housing Authority, didn't come begging for approval from all 12 neighborhood association presidents who are so up in arms about this? Or, that she dared say that DHA did not require a permit to operate THEIR OWN building?

And, just so you know that I am not pointing my finger from afar, I live AND work in Oak Cliff and have for 22 years. Like all of you, I'm not crazy about this kind of housing, but homeless folks deserve a shot at life just like the rest of us. And this kind of set-up (housing with support services attached) is exactly what can give them that shot.

Here is my question. Would you rather have them living in Cliff Manor, getting lots of help......or in your alley, or park, or on your doorstep?? And, as I've said before, many of the chronically homeless are veterans who, in return for their service to our country, get to end up on the street.

How's that for patriotism on our part???

Dallas Cowboys score often through charitable work | Sports News | News for Dallas, Texas | Dallas Morning News

2010-06-01T10:35:00.000-05:00

Dallas Cowboys score often through charitable work Sports News News for Dallas, Texas Dallas Morning News

We're Crowing!!

2010-06-01T09:21:00.005-05:00

Promise House has lots to crow about lately. Like proud parents, we are bursting at the seams with pride over the success of our graduates! Huge congratulations go out to the following teens for their commitment, tenacity, courage, and brilliance in overcoming countless obstacles and challenges to reach their goals:

Lorena - Valedictorian of Carter High School - Attending UT Austin in the fall with FULL scholarship!!

Courtney - Graduated from Duncanville High School and will attend community college in the fall.

Mustaque - Graduated from Grand Prairie High School. He would have been Salutatorian of his class except for the disruption to his classes while he was on the street. He will attend the University of Illinois on FULL scholarship!!

Shanqwuisia - Completed her GED

Ashley - Graduated from High School

Joseph - Graduated from DeSoto High School

Shanita - Graduated from Dental Assistant School

Congratulations go out, also, to the Promise House staff who work directly with these teens every day. It is because of your belief in their promise that each of these teens was able to succeed. I hope you know what a powerful presence in their lives you are.

I've said so many times how much we love these kids. Teens get such a bad rap on so many levels. Yet, here is living proof of the unstoppable spirit and strength of even the most challenged.

We expect great things from each of our teens. And if they stay with us, work the program, do the deal, they succeed beyond their wildest imaginings.

I've often said that we have future astronauts, artists, architects, teachers, actors, and even a U.S. President or two at Promise House. Well, I think Lorena may just end up in the White House as the first female U.S. President. Wouldn't that be something (but no pressure, Lorena!).

Whatever these kids choose for their futures, they will succeed. And most importantly, I know they will lend a helping hand to kids coming up behind them bearing similar burdens, facing similar challenges.

THAT is TRUE success.

A 12-Year Old Philanthropist??

2010-05-23T10:59:00.005-05:00

What possesses a 12-year old kid to strike out across America on foot on behalf of homeless kids? And how does he talk his entire family into joining his crusade? I'm not sure I have the answers to those questions yet, because Zach Bonner, the kid in question, is so very quiet and reserved about his mission.

He and his team, The Little Red Wagon Foundation, came to Promise House last week on their way across the country. Zach is a typical 12-year old in many ways, and oh-so a-typical in so many others. With flaming red hair and crystal blue eyes, he politely shook my hand upon introduction and looked to his big brother, Matthew, before answering any question. When I asked him why he decided to do this, I never really got an answer. "Well, I started in 2004 helping victims of Hurricane Charlie and ........." His answer sorta faded into the woodwork (just like ALL 12-year olds' answers), so I still don't know why exactly he became passionate about helping homeless kids.

Here's what I do know. He created the Little Red Wagon Foundation and is currently engaged in his "Walk Across America" to raise awareness about and funds for homeless kids. He does school on-line, his sister Kellie and brother Matthew trade off handling PR, logistics, and shepherding him across the country. His mother, Linda, travels with him in an RV. They have a REALLY cute VW bug decked out with the foundation logo and an actual red wagon on top! How cool is that?

Last Thursday, he took the PH shelter teens to Six Flags for a fun-filled day (yes, right in the middle of the monsoon). Typical 12-year old behavior: "Mom, I TOLD you I did not want to get wet on any of the rides, and I got REALLY wet on that last one (like it was her fault!)." A-typical 12-year old behavior: to my shelter manager, "I am so sorry the film crew is late. We are off schedule, and I know that is inconvenient for you." What 12-year old says stuff like that??

On the tour of PH, he was very subdued until we got upstairs to the classrooms. Dallas ISD furnishes us with two certified teachers, computers, smart boards, and TONS of books and supplies for our classrooms. He lit up like a Christmas tree! "Wow! It is so cool that the kids don't have to leave here to go to school! And a Smart Board! How cool is that?"

He and his crew went out with our Street Outreach team on Friday night. He was VERY excited to get a Street Outreach t-shirt (seriously?), as was the entire film crew (really, seriously???). According to my SO manager, Sonja, they had a fabulous time talking to kids, asking questions, and visiting the places we frequent. Supposedly, they've had the best time with us of those agencies they have visited (could be blowing smoke, but I doubt it, cause we really are tons of fun to be around!).

They are headed across the Southwestern US, headed for California with ETA of October. It's gonna be a REALLY long, hot summer for them. They have a film crew with them documenting Zach's travels. When the film comes out, I'll let you know.

It really is unbelievable what kids can do. Zach has the support and love of his family to back him, and there is no telling what other great things he will accomplish in his life-time. But even kids with NO support can do great things.......like graduate Valedictorian of her class.....graduate from nursing school and become an Army nurse.....complete a degree in Electrical Engineering from UTD....attend nursing school while raising a child.....complete Mortuary School and own a funeral home.....be happily married and have children that are loved and supported.

These are all true examples from lives of teens that have been at Promise House. Defying the odds, overcoming unbelievable obstacles and challenges, becoming brilliant and unforgettable, they have already left their mark on life in such an outstanding way and will continue to do so for a very long time.

Maybe I do know why Zach is walking across America for these kids.

Check out Zach at: http://www.littleredwagonfoundation.com/.

Promise House Cat aka Grizzabella

2010-05-17T08:16:00.009-05:00

Animals love Promise House. Over the years, we've had racoons in the attic of our "yellow building", litters and litters of kittens under Wesley Inn, chickens and roosters wandering around our back yard, squirrels that almost eat out of your hand, and scruffy stray dogs by the dozens. There is always one of us taking home a stray dog or cat to raise.

There is one resident cat who deserves special mention. My assistant, Paloma, calls her Gray Kitty, but I call her Grizzabella. She has to be as old as Methusla (sp?) and has been around PH as long as I have (almost 13 years!). Shaggy, ugly, matted, and steel gray, she persists. She is the mother of countless litters of kittens (or so we thought--more on that later), is a hunter supreme, and claims PH as her kingdom.

Paloma is crazy about her (course Paloma is crazy about ANY animal). If a day goes by without spotting her, Paloma worries. When she does appear, all is well with the day. Try as Paloma has to endear me to this cat, I just don't feel the love. But Paloma does, and so Grizzabella has become part of the family.

Feral as this cat is, Paloma somehow caught her one day to take her to get fixed. BIG MISTAKE. Evidently, Grizzy went nuts in the car (I can't remember if she was in a cage or not), spit, peed, puked, yowled, growled, pooped, and literally through hair everywhere (how did she do that???) all the way to the vet. But Paloma soldiered on, determined to do this cat a favor and save her from a life saddled with kittens.

She finally gets to the vet (how she got the cat inside the vet's office is still a mystery) only to find out.......Grizzabella was ALREADY fixed!!! "How do you KNOW that?" a totally shocked Paloma asked. "See this notch on her ear? That's what we do to feral cats after spaying them." says the vet.

OMG!!

So Paloma has to get the cat BACK into the car and BACK to PH. I won't go into THAT story.

Well......poor old Grizzy was not seen for weeks. Paloma was bereft and convinced she had traumatized the cat so badly that we would never see her again. I was sorta hoping that was the case!

BUT, fate would have nothing of that. About two weeks later, here comes Grizzy ambling across the street just like in the "old" days. It is true.....cats have at least 9 lives. Paloma was so happy, she started jumping up and down, hugging everyone. I tried to show a little enthusiasm, but Paloma, of course, saw right through me. What can I say?

Grizzabella is still with us. Paloma took some pictures for posterity one day, so we would always remember. It is always a better day when Grizzy is spotted (at least for Paloma).

All this leaves just one question: WHO IS BIRTHING ALL THOSE KITTENS?????

The Building is on Fire!

2010-05-13T12:13:00.004-05:00

Grim news for kids aging out of Foster Care. A recent study (Youth Today's most recent issue) of 600 midwestern foster care alumni who were tracked beginning at age 17, and who are now 23, showed the following results:

1. 94% did not have even a two-year college diploma.
2. Over 1/2 were unemployed.
3. Eight in ten males had been arrested at least once.
4. 2/3 of the young women had at least one child.
5. 44% of males were responsible for parenting a child.
6. 1/4 had been homeless at least one time.
7. Over 1/2 had serious, untreated mental health issues.

Geez....where do I begin? We have been hearing similar statistics in the youth services field for years, so the results of this study are no surprise to me. What continues to surprise me, however, is how totally unresponsive government and the private sector continue to be regarding the plight of these kids. It truly baffles my mind on a daily basis how we think we can really end homelessness without attending to these kids. How many different ways do you have to say, "FIRE!" before people finally start to leave the building?! These kids are burning right before our very eyes, and we just continue to sit around and pretend they don't exist. Will SOMEONE please explain that to me????

My last blog post had a long list of "what needs to happen to solve this problem", so I won't go into that again. What I will say again is that these are kids who were supposed to be taken care of by the state, who were removed from their homes through no fault of their own, who were bounced around their entire lives, who were caught in the unbelievable web of bureaucracy that is government, and then who were flung from the web and told to fly......but given no wings with which to do it. It makes my head explode.

How can we as a nation be so uncaring? How can we continue to allow our legislatures to cut critically needed services for these kids, or even worse, ignore the fact that services like transitional living programs are so desperately needed?

Sometime I'd like to do an informal study. I'd like to sit a group of people down and show them various slides of animals, babies, children, teens, and young adults......all of whom needed rescuing from some type of abusive or life-threatening situation. I would bet my house that teens and young adults would be the LEAST chosen group to be saved. We care more about puppies than we do these kids!

Until we face THAT reality, the reality that as a whole, we just don't really like teens, especially those who look weird or scary or angry; or at the least, we just don't think about them at all when we think of groups that need help; until we face that and the fact that even though we may not like them, they still need our help; and the reality that up to 48% of chronically homeless adults have history in the foster care system (if you don't like them as teens, wait til you get to deal with them as chronically substance abusing, mentally ill adults!), I guess we'll just keep pretending the building is not really on fire.,

As for me, I'm leaving the building! I hope some of you will come with me.

How to REALLY End Homelessness

2010-05-08T18:25:00.005-05:00

There has been positive press lately about the Annual Homeless Count conducted by the Metro Dallas Homeless Alliance. Stories have described the progress made in providing housing for chronically homeless adults, the success of the Bridge (the homeless assistance center), and the work of many influential individuals in the community to help end homelessness. Mike Rawlings, the Homeless Czar, said that although we haven't won the race yet, we can at least see the finish line.

There HAS been much progress made....BUT.....and it is a very big BUT.....once again a vital component has been left out of the conversation, out of the stories, out of the press. The only way to truly end chronic homelessness is to stop the pipeline into homelessness....the biggest one of which is the 20,000 eighteen year olds who age out of the foster care system every year in the United States.

The statistics are dismal. Within two years of aging out, up to 48% of these teens will have been homeless at least once. One in four will be incarcerated. Only 58% of foster youth receive highschool diplomas as compared to 87% of the total teen population, making them very UNemployable.

Worse than these statistics, though, is the fact that these kids know NOTHING about how to survive in life (the failure of the Foster Care System is another story). Without intense support, they flounder, they drift, they become the next generation of chronically homeless aduts. IN FACT, a significant percentage of chronically homeless adults were in the foster care system as kids!

The equation seems easy enough to me. Aging out with no support equals high risk of becoming homeless. Why, then, have we created solutions only at the end result i.e., chronically homeless adults, but none for shutting the door INTO homelessness through support for the young people who are most at risk of becoming the next generation of chronically homeless adults?

The tragedy of this is, they are in this highest risk category THROUGH NO FAULT OF THEIR OWN. They were removed from their homes with no say in the matter, most likely shuffled through many different placements throughout their young lives, and then told "Bye!" at age 18.
AND, instead of helping them THEN, when prevention services can have great impact at a reasonable cost, we wait until they are deep into chronic homelessness, mental illness, substance abuse, etc....when the cost of help for them is extraordinary! What is wrong with us?!

To win this race, it is time NOW to turn our attention to these kids. Here is what needs to happen:

HUD (The U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development) needs to lift its restrictions on the type of new projects Continuum of Cares can propose. Currently, the only new projects eligible are permanent supportive housing projects, which are for chronically homeless adults with a disability. Eighteen - 24 year old kids are too young to qualify for chronic homeless status and most do not have a long-term disabling condition. Transitional housing projects for this specific age group should not only be allowed, but encouraged or mandated by HUD.
Congress should appropriate MUCH more funding for the Runaway, Homelesss Youth Act, through the Department of Health and Human Services, in particular the Transitional Living Program funding. Further, DHHS should lift its restriction on this funding that disallows foster youth from taking advantage of these transitional living programs.
Every state should have a line-item in their budget specifically for transitional housing funds WITH supportive services for this age group. The State of Texas, through the Texas Department of Housing and Community Affairs, agreed to funding for several large cities to help end homelessness. However, the funds were for chronic homelessness.....again.
Every county and city should channel funding into transitional housing projects for homeless young people, again, WITH supportive services. Dallas County decided to divert all its Emergency Shelter Grant funding as of January 2010 to the Bridge, instead of dividing it between several shelters, as it had done in the past. Again, this funding now will help only chronically homeless adults.
Mike Rawlings, Homeless Czar, Mike Faenza, CEO of Metro Dallas Homeless Alliance, John Castle, incoming Chair of the Metro Dallas Homeless Alliance Board of Directors, the MDHA Board of Directors, and all agencies who are members of the alliance MUST turn our attention to these kids and ensure they are taken care of . It's time, and it's the next logical step. Aside from the moral issue of ignoring these kids, the economics of prevention v.s. the economics of long-term intervention are stunning. Why can't we get this?
The Dallas Morning News needs to turn its attention long-term to this group of homeless young people. The News' influence in this city can go a very long way to bringing attention and funding to this issue.
We need the influential individuals in this city (you know who you are) to rally around the cause of these homeless young people just as you did for the cause to end chronic homelessness. These kids are the missing piece to completing the task.
Every discussion regarding ending homelessness MUST include solutions for this age group. AND institutions that regularly deal with young people i.e., school systems, colleges, churches, should be at the table and should be offering help.

It would truly be a shame to be crossing the finish line of the race and think we have won, only to look over our shoulder and see thousands of homeless young people coming up fast behind us.

Is that what we want?

Cinco de Mayo and Immigration

2010-05-06T08:30:00.003-05:00

Promise House had a rockin' Cinco de Mayo celebration on Tuesday. Over 300 children, teens, and adults enjoyed music, dance, fabulous food, and inspiration from our Citycouncilwoman Delia Jasso and State Representative Roberto Alonzo.

As I sat enjoying the festivities and visiting with guests, I couldn't help but wonder if near this many people would have come to such a celebration in Arizona? After all, we had several police officers stop by to visit, as well as an officer patrolling our parking lot for safety.

How much fear and loathing the Arizona bill has already caused. How much more it will cause as arrests are made, lawsuits filed, protests continue. How much more polarizing politics will become as each side digs in their heels, blames the other for whatever happens, postures for reporters, and debates, debates, debates. Meanwhile, people suffer. People hide. People become suspicious. People worry. People fear other people.

I don't have an answer to the immigration issue. I just know THIS is NOT it. Promise House welcomes teens and families for services with no questions asked......no questions about income, legal or illegal status, ability to pay, or even sometimes where they live. We are so fortunate to have funding that allows us to offer services at no charge to any of our clients; and we just never have asked any of the other questions. Our goal is to embrace whoever needs help.

I worry that even though this is not Arizona, fear may keep people from seeking the help they need. That is so unfortunate. I feel like putting a sign on the door in Spanish saying, "We ask no questions" or something.....to let everyone know they are safe with us.

After all, we are here to mitigate suffering, not cause it. I have seen the ramifications of parents being deported with their children left behind. I have seen the trauma caused by teens transported across the border illegally for trafficking. And I have seen first hand the struggle of some of our clients to become citizens....to do the right thing....and the enormity of the obstacles placed in front of them. We are not a very friendly country to immigrants...period. Even though we ARE a country of immigrants.....go figure.

Honestly, I am ambivalent about the issue. I really see both sides and don't have a solid opinion either way. I just see the suffering and feel the loss and sadness of those who get caught in the web of the issue. That's all.

As I watched all 300 people having such a good time on Tuesday, I was just so grateful that we weren't in Arizona.

Motherless Teens: Braving the World

2010-04-28T14:17:00.003-05:00

Mothers Day is fast approaching. Although my mother has been gone for many years, this day is still full of ambivalence for me. I love being a mother and having the opportunity to spend time with my girls. At the same time, I am always acutely aware of the too early loss of my mother. I was only 28 and pregnant with my oldest daughter, Kat, when she died. I have already outlived her. Neither of my girls ever knew her; and although Pat, my stepmother, was an incredible grandmother for them, there has always been the poignancy of wishing they could have known my mother.

If Mothers Day carries such feelings for me, I can only imagine how painful the day must be for our teens, many of who have never known their mothers, were abandoned by or taken from them, or whose mothers are no longer living. It is easy to forget for those of us who work here that all of these kids come to us out of some form of tragedy—broken family, abuse, abandonment, forced removal….the list goes on. Try as we might, we cannot always give them their mothers back….and that is what they ALL want…..regardless of what they say or how they act or how old they are.

It is a fine line that we walk with our teens. For although we must be there to support them, dry their tears, talk with them about their sadness, encourage them, hold them accountable, help them make the best of themselves, we must NEVER try to be their mothers—even when they want us to. Why? Simply, they already have a mother—good or bad, present or absent, alive or deceased. We cannot and should not take her place.

We can love them, be proud of them, pick them up when they fall, welcome them back when they run, always and always be there for them. But we cannot be their mothers….and we must always remember that their first choice would ALWAYS be to have her back. And it should be ours, also.

If your mother is living, hug her extra hard this Mothers Day. If she is deceased, light a candle for her…..and for all the missing mothers of our teens….and for our teens…..who brave the world without her. It was not easy at age 28 to be in the world without my mother…..imagine how hard it is for our kids.

Who Protects Teens?

2010-04-07T11:33:00.004-05:00

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month.

When we hear "child abuse", we normally associate it with young children. However, there is a large group of kids that is mostly ignored who endure many kinds of abuse from family members, peers, institutions, churches, and communities. Teens continue to be left out of the child abuse discussion; and yet, 95% of the teens who come to Promise House have experienced some form of abuse....recently....not just when they were young. Abuses such as: being hit or slapped by a parent repeatedly; sexual assault by a parent, step-parent, family acquaintance, or peer; being kicked out of their home because they are gay or lesbian, or pregnant, or are old enough to "fend for themselves"; being "pimped out" by parents or other adults; living with drug addicted adults; being used as "drug runners".....the list goes on and on.

Why does concern for kids stop at age 13? Where are the systems to protect these young people? Child Protective Services rarely rates an abuse call about a teen as Priority 1--partly due to the overwhelming number of abuse cases, period. I guess they figure teens have a better chance of saving themselves than does a child. BUT, and this is a BIG but.....that is rarely the case. Very few teens are actually able to escape an abusive situation on their own---think about it---where are they going to go, besides the street??

I've said it many times....just because teens have grown-up bodies.....it doesn't mean they are grown up. They still love getting stuffed animals when they come here; love being read to, getting their hair brushed, doing "make believe" nails and hair, playing silly games. They still cry at night, are still scared of the dark, still have bad dreams. They are kids. Yes, they are big....sometimes REALLY big....but they are kids....in need of protection.

Please remember them in the discussions about child abuse this month. And, please remember, they need our protection EVERY month, not just in Child Abuse Prevention Month.

The Third World Dark Ages Have Arrived

2010-03-17T09:18:00.004-05:00

I am on such a tear this morning. First I read that the number of MIDDLE INCOME ($48,000 - $85,000) persons without health insurance has increased by 40%! Then I think about the Texas School Board, and I'm apoplectic. What is wrong with this state and this country? We are becoming so third world.....AND.....the Dark Ages have come to Texas.

How can we allow a few fundamentalist right wingers to totally re-write history?? How can we allow our neighbors, co-workers, friends, and children to be left with NO health insurance?? Where is the outcry? Why aren't we marching?

Here's the problem: The Centrists and Liberals who support Health Care Reform and objective reporting of history just aren't irrational and emotional enough. We think that SURELY people will see the insanity of what's happening. We talk rationally about it.....try to persuade with facts.....feel morally superior......meanwhile, we are getting our butts kicked!!

Until we are willing to meet the insanity and over-the-top emotion with the same level of power, we will continue to see a few totally bulldoze the majority. I'm not saying that we have to be insane or totally irrational. BUT, and this is VERY important, we MUST be willing to get back in their faces and shout them down, bullhorns and all.

There's a saying in AA....insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. That is what we are doing. We keep trying to persuade the Right to be rational, objective. NEVER gonna happen. Where is our Glen Beck? Where is our Rush Limbaugh? Come on, guys....you have to give it to 'em....they know how to get folks riled up! We, on the other hand, are pitiful. And Obama isn't helping. He could use a few lessons from the Right on how to get his troops mobilized. As it is, we are SUNK!

As it is, a few radical extremist folks will set the direction for this entire nation. And I am not speaking of Conservatives. I'm speaking of the one or two on the Texas School Board Commission, the few in the Senate and House, the one or two who know how to work the media. Until we learn from their tactics, we will continue to have our faces pushed in the dirt. Is that where you want to be?? Not me.

I'm ready to march. Anyone want to go with me?

New Beginnings

2010-03-02T15:57:00.004-06:00

Today is March 1, and that means Spring can't be that far away! I learned this morning that Daylight Savings Time starts Sunday, March 14, AND I saw jonquils blooming yesterday. Now, I know that I could never be so lucky as to think we won't have any more crummy weather. But, by the time March gets here, I feel like there is at least light at the end of the tunnel. Sun is shining today, and that is ALWAYS good news.

We associate Spring with new beginnings, new life, hope. My father always has a bunch of new foals in the Spring, hibernating animals venture forth with their new families, rivers swell with melting ice, grass grows, leaves turn green, flowers bloom.....the earth wakes up. What a burst of life!

And speaking of new beginnings and a new life, I just heard from one of our case managers that she is moving to Austin to work with foster kids who are aging out of the care of the Department of Family and Protective Services. She is a former foster youth herself and has an incredibly deep passion to help these aging-out teens know what services are available to them as they transition from the care of the state to being on their own.

Did you know that foster teens are eligible for tuition waivers for college? Or that they are supposed to get a transition allowance? Or that they can stay in care as long as they are in school if they want to? Or, that they can go back into care once they have aged out if they find they aren't making it on their own? Most foster teens have no idea that these services are available to them. There are a myriad of reasons for this, but Courtney, our case manager, knows EVERY service for which they are eligible.

Although her moving to Austin is a real loss for us, she is living her dream and will have such a meaningful impact on the lives of young people in the foster care system. She came to see me today to thank me for the opportunity to work with our teens at Promise House. I think we are the lucky ones. With her heart and passion for this work, she will go far.

What a thrill it is for me to see our young employees progress through their careers. Even though Promise House is many times the first stop on their ladder to success, watching them gain experience, confidence, and expertise here that they will carry with them throughout their careers is well worth it.

Like many of our teens, our young employees may move on from Promise House; but they carry us in their hearts forever. I'm not quite sure why, but it is VERY hard to ever really leave PH.

There are always endings before beginnings. The end of winter brings spring. The end of service at Promise House brings a new opportunity, the opening of a new door. Another young professional will join the Promise House family, and life at PH goes on. And.....spring is almost here!

Alot of Help From Our Friends

2010-02-16T16:15:00.006-06:00

People ask me all the time how we do the work we do. Well, actually, we do it with a lot of help from our friends. Through our many collaborations, Promise House provides over $1,000,000 worth of in-kind services to our teens and families every year! If we had to pay for these services, we'd be in big trouble, and our expenses would almost double.

So, what are these services? Well, when you think of everything it takes to raise a child, that is what we provide. Here are just a few:

Medical Services through the Parkland HOMES Van and Parkland Hospital Services
Dental services through the First Presbyterian Stewpot's dental program and Parkland's Dental Van
Food through the North Texas Food Bank
Child care slots through the Vogel Alcove
STD education through Planned Parenthood
Hygiene supplies from individual and corporate contributors
Shoes through the Wilkinson Center's annual shoe drive via Pay Less Shoes
Two on-site DISD classrooms with certified DISD teachers
Baby supplies from Captain Hope's Kids
Baby showers from various churches

On top of those listed above, Promise House is connected to ALL metroplex colleges and universities. Via our training institute, graduate and post-graduate level psychology, social work, marriage and family, and counseling interns receive free clinical supervision in return for providing counseling to ALL our teens and family members. Talk about win-win!

And, we continue to develop new collaborations. This summer, we will be working with the University of Dallas on a 7-week math/science/astronomy camp, with the last week being a trip to Western States University in Colorado to view the stars through a HUGE telescope--all paid for through a grant written and submitted by the university. How cool is that??

In addition, we are hoping that Junior Players will be awarded a grant they submitted that will provide on-site theatre and drama training for our teens. AND, we recently began discussions with Junior Achievement to take part in their Finance Park financial literacy program this coming year. Finally, we will be working with Dallas Metrocare to provide psychiatric services to our teens this coming year.

These collaborations are so exciting and SO beneficial to our teens. And instead of a little help from our friends, Promise House is incredibly fortunate to be getting ALOT of help from our friends.

Thank you. The part you play in healing our kids is immeasurable.

Snow Day!

2010-02-11T13:54:00.003-06:00

Dallas is blanketed in snow. Really a beautiful sight. A snow like this brings out the kid in us. My assistant just got back from running errands and told me she never saw so many different kinds of snowmen--she even saw a square one! If I had the right parka on, I'd go make snow angels--my favorite thing to do as a kid.

Snow this heavy quiets things. It hushes footsteps, makes you want to whisper. The world seems brighter, even with gray skies. Because it is such a rarity here, everyone's talking about it, watching it, wondering how long it will last. I'm sure if it did this all winter, I'd be sick to death of it, but today it is beautiful, almost heavenly.

When I let my dogs out this morning, they were like, "Huh? What? What is this?". Millie, the prissy one, tiptoed through it to do her business. Tucker, the hulk, went barreling all over the yard, jumping up and down, having a great time. Neither one could find a familiar scent--the snow covered everything!

The mermaid in my fountain looked like the Snow Queen, my Japanese Maple was gorgeous, with each limb lined with powder, and my crepe myrtles looked like a row of huge snow bouquets. Even the garbage cans looked better with their coats of snow!

In a few days the beauty will turn to ugly slush. But for today, Dallas is dressed in her finest white coat of the season! Enjoy!

Rise Up!!

2010-02-03T11:50:00.007-06:00

So, it's February, the ground hog saw his shadow, and spring seems very far away. I'm sure it seems especially far away to those teens who are sleeping outside, trying to keep warm. We continue to bring in three or four teens a NIGHT directly from the streets. With the help of our fabulous Street Outreach, Shelter, and Transitional Living teams, they have all been taken care of....so far. If going home was an option, they went home, some with the help of Greyhound's "Home Free" program (free bus ticket for runaways to go home), others were moved into our transitional living program, some were helped to find a job and apartment, and a couple are in our shelter. But we are out of room, and yet, they keep coming. So, they sleep on pull-out couches or cots in our living room.

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY, UNTIL THESE KIDS ARE TAKEN CARE OF, WE WILL NEVER END HOMELESSNESS??? We have 30, count them, 30 girls on our waiting list for an apartment. What do they do while they wait? Double up, sofa surf, stay with someone they shouldn't be staying with, roam the streets.

These are GOOD kids. One young woman in our transitional living program is on track to be VALEDICTORIAN of her high school. And she has done this while dealing with a totally unacceptable living situation. Just think what she could do with support???

Now I know why I haven't posted much in a month. I just didn't want to get angry all over again. Where is the justice for these teens? Where is the help? The Family Youth Services Bureau is the only federal agency that provides funds for transitional living programs for teens; BUT they only fund about 90 a year NATIONALLY. The Department of Housing and Urban Development will not accept any new projects unless they are permanent supportive housing for "chronically" homeless. Well, guess what? These teens haven't been on the street long enough to be chronic---but they WILL be, I promise you, unless they get help.

I'm also tired of being nice about this. Why don't we WAKE UP and see what is around us?? Those of us in this field have been saying for YEARS that the population of teens aging out of foster care is going to cause a second homelessness crisis. Statistic? Forty-two (42%) percent will be homeless at least once within two (2) years.

One glimmer of hope, the Department of Family and Protective Services is developing programs for teens to stay in care up to age 21; or to come back into care if they have aged out and haven't done well. But there is soooo much more that needs to be done,

So, if any of you out there are looking for a cause, are looking to change a life, want to witness miracles; or if you have alot of money just sitting around, and you're wondering what to do with it??? HERE IS YOUR CAUSE.

We were all teens once. We know how tough it is to get through those years,even with help. Our teens are trying to navigate those years under horrendous conditions. As I say over and over again, if it was your kid on the street, you would want all the help you could get.

I'm not asking for your help anymore, though. I'm challenging you to take up this cause for the sake of these kids, our community, our country.

They are the ones who need all the help they can get.....WILL YOU RISE UP?

Way Too Young

2010-01-29T15:53:00.003-06:00

So, I’ve been doing some research on teen prostitution. Did you know that the AVERAGE age of teens getting into prostitution is 14??? And that a girl on the street will be approached by a “pimp” within 48 hours of her arrival on the streets? And, that the age of girls that “johns” want is getting lower??? And, that teen prostitution crosses all socio-economic levels, all races? And, that 99% of girls who get into prostitution were sexually abused as a child? And, that law enforcement was arresting these girls, but not the pimps or johns? And, that it takes less than a week for a girl to believe she has no alternative but to stay with her “pimp”? And, that although the average age is 14, it is not unusual for 12 year olds to be picked up for prostituting? And that many of the girls who come into PH directly from the street are prostituting?

The good news? There is finally some attention being paid to the fact that these girls are VICTIMS, not criminals. Law enforcement has begun to change their philosophy on arrest of these young girls. Youth-serving agencies are becoming educated on best practice treatment for these kids and on attending to their critical needs. One of the most immediate needs of these girls is medical attention; most have some kind of STD, could be pregnant, or HIV positive.

As long as law enforcement fails to focus on the perpetrators of these girls, NO progress will be made. Unfortunately, historically, the perpetrator was the LAST to be arrested. However, I've yet to meet a girl who entered prostitution willingly. I don't think they wake up one morning and say, "Hmmm, I think I'll become a prostitute". Let's change the focus to where it will have an impact--on the perpetrators of these young women.

Don’t mean to be a downer on Friday, but these are our kids…..they are lost children. It behooves us at PH and as a community to know all we can about this issue, and embrace these teens just as we do others.

What I Learned on My Christmas Vacation

2010-01-02T11:42:00.003-06:00

My holiday is almost over, and since I like to have everything wrapped up in nice packages, I thought I'd do the same with my time off. So, here is what I learned this holiday season:

If you sit around all day and watch T.V. and/or movies, you WILL gain weight.
As I said in my pre-holiday missive, all families are dysfunctional--and mine certainly is--but I had a blast with them this year.
Snuggies were the top White Elephant gift.
Milk Duds call to me at ANY movie theatre at ANY time, day or night.
One can tire of going to movies.
Promise House CAN survive without me.
Great surprises are in store if you're open to them.
I LOVE being around my and my friends' grown children.
I'm over New Year's Eve.
NEVER go to a movie at North Park right after Christmas unless you have a limousine and a driver.
My father is a real person.
My brother is a younger my father.
My oldest sister has been transformed.
My twin sisters should be in a movie.
Old, and I do mean chronologically, family friends are delightful.
I LOVE being in my house alone.
Amelia has to have been sent from heaven.
I'm probably going to end up with Hermit Crabs that should be going to Austin with my youngest.
My dogs are great people to talk to--they don't talk back.
I still love my almost step-kids madly--but not as much as I love my fabulous, gorgeous, brilliant, funny, daughters.
My son-in-law is fabulous.
I make dynamite black-eyed peas and cornbread.
I'm with the bears--we should hibernate til spring, which I could do very easily.
Meryl Streep is a goddess.
I'm newly in love with Alec Baldwin and re-in love with Robert Downy, Jr..

So, all in all, I think this holiday season was a hit. It's back to organized life on Monday, but surely all that I have learned over the last 2 1/2 weeks will keep me in good stead as I struggle to get back in the harness.

I turn 59 Wednesday (Epiphany for those of you who are Christian), and my own Epiphany for this season is that fun lurks everywhere--you just have to be open to it.

Happy New Year. May you have your own Epiphanies throughout this new decade.

My Christmas Gift to Me

2009-12-26T10:17:00.002-06:00

I have been on vacation since December 19. It's really been wonderful. Promise House was a whirlwind of activity during November and December, as usual, and us "old folks" were exhausted by the time all the parties were over.
So, as a gift to myself this Christmas, here is what I've done:

I took Promise House, all the runaway and homeless teens, all the problems with grantors, any personnel issues, building leaks, electrical problems, graffitti on the outside of the building, and anything else that has anything to do with my job, and put them all very neatly into a box. I then wrapped the box in shiny paper, put a beautiful bow on it, and put it on the top shelf of my closet....not to be opened until Monday, January 4, 2010.

So, if you see me over the holidays, don't ask me anything about PH or try to start a conversation about what I do for a living. If you do, I will look at you blankly and immediately change the subject--cause I'm REALLY good at compartmentalizing; and until Jan. 4, PH is in the compartment of "non-existent".

By doing this, I will be raring to go in January and will be ready to take on the world again.

Thanks for indulging me. Let me know if I can do anything for you.

Holiday Thanks

2009-12-14T08:47:00.004-06:00

I have sooooo many people and organizations to thank for their incredible generosity of time and dollars to make this holiday season special for our teens. So here goes:

David Ross and his wife and huge dog for totally entertaining our teens on Thanksgiving Day
Mike Scott and his wife, Ashley, and their friends for hosting a holiday party tomorrow for our shelter teens
The Promise House Professionals for hosting a holiday party last Saturday and bringing gifts for 21 young transitional living women and their children
Joyce Mazero and her daughter, Dom, for their contribution of winter coats and hosting a movie and popcorn night for the shelter teens
Mountain View College for their upcoming annual holiday dinner and gift exchange with the girls and babies of Wesley Inn
Jesuit High School for their food drive for our street outreach program
Debi Moses for organizing the board of directors to host a holiday party for our shelter teens
Angela Choquette for hosting a holiday party for her friends and donating proceeds from a trunk show to PH
Kessler Park United Methodist Church for hosting a holiday party for our Wesley Inn girls
Junior League of Dallas for hosting a slumber party for the Wesley Inn girls
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Plano Youth Group for hosting a holiday party for the shelter teens
Carver Heights Church for donating blankets and toiletries for the girls at Wesley Inn
Women of Sacrifice and Obedience for conducting clothing and food drives for PH
First Presbyterian, Forney for blankets
The Perfect Light for dressing up Wesley Inn with outdoor lights
Greenhill School for collecting bath items and toiletries for Wesley Inn and our street outreach program
Anytime Fitness, Oak Cliff for collecting clothing
Mattel for donating toys for our babies and toddlers
Amica Insurance for collecting items for our STAR wish list clients
Dallas Chapter of Charms for hosting a holiday party for Wesley Inn
Akita Group for donating clothing and food
Dick Patrick Studios for food drive
Fiserv for donating blankets for our street outreach program
Dots Fashion for donating accessories from their store
Delta Sigma Theta - TWU for hosting a holiday party for the shelter teens
CC5 for their donation of Target and Walmart gift cards for Wesley Inn mothers
Supreme Lending Mortgage for raffling a big screen TV and donating proceeds to PH
The Promise House Development team for picking a STAR family to provide Christmas for

Whew! And I'm sure I have not gotten everyone. New donations and contributions are coming in daily. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has opened their heart and their wallets to give ALL of the teens and their family members at Promise House an outstanding 2009 holiday.

WE LOVE YOU!

There is a Place

2009-12-07T11:05:00.004-06:00

I was thinking about one of my favorite pieces, "There Is A Place", from the recent Resounding Harmony concert. Here are some of the lyrics:

There is a place
Where you can always go,
Come with me.
Where it’s alright to let your feelings show,
Come with me.
What a pleasant journey,
Isn’t very far.
We can go together,
Stay right where you are.
And now it’s time to start.
It’s right here in your heart.

There is a place
Where you can be yourself,
Come with me.
And it’s a place
Where you can free yourself,
Come with me.
And you know it’s waiting,
Not so far away.
Need no reservations,
We could go today.
Now it’s time to start.
It’s right here in your heart.

There is a place where every sorrow ends
Come with me.
Where every hope and every truth begins.
What a pleasant journey,
We can go together,
Stay right where you are
Now it’s time to start.
It’s right here in your heart.

When I first read the lyrics, I thought they were too smalzy. But as we rehearsed, and I continued to hear the music and listen to the lyrics, I fell in love with it. And I also realized that Promise House is that Place for many, many teens who have lost all hope, who hide their feelings behind steel walls, who have never been able to tell someone the truth of their lives.

I especially love the part of the song that says, “We can go together. Stay right where you are”. How many times have we told street teens calling us late at night, “Stay right where you are. We are coming to get you.”

What a beacon of light we are to those teens. Promise House is a place they can always go--with no reservations. We are a place where it’s alright to show their feelings. Where they can be themselves and start to free themselves. A place where their truth can begin.

And we are always waiting, not so far away.

Yes Sir, Yes Ma'am.

2009-12-04T13:34:00.004-06:00

I had the privilege of hanging out with one of our transitional living guys for a while today. He needed a ride home, and I was available to take him. On the way there, he received two phone calls, both pertaining to a job he had applied for . Here is how it went: "Yes sir, this is _________. Yes sir, that is really good news. Yes sir, I will be there Monday morning. Yes sir, thank you, sir." Next call: "Yes, this is ______________. Oh, hello. Yes, I would love some good news. Yes ma'am, that is awesome news. Yes ma'am. Ok, ma'am. Yes ma'am, I'm going to be there Monday morning. Thank you so much ma'am for calling. It was nice to meet you over the phone, ma'am."

So here's a lesson for all you people out there who think teens are incorrigible, rude, thoughtless, self-centered, etc. Here is a young man who has every right to be bitter, angry, belligerent, and rude; but instead, against all odds, is polite, well-mannered, grateful, positive, and a joy to be around. Lesson: stop stereotyping teens.

By the way, he starts at Mountain View Community College in January.

What a gift it is for me to be able to be around such miraculous young people.

One Promising Teen At A Time

2009-12-02T10:53:00.004-06:00

So here is a happy story. A 17 year old girl who was in the custody of the state came into Promise House about a month ago. She was getting ready to turn 18, which meant that she would be out of care and on her own; and, unfortunately, all of our transitional living slots were full.

Consequently, our shelter staff sprang into action to make sure she would NOT be on her own when she turned 18. Here is what they did before her birthday:

Helped her talk to her aunt to see if she could stay with her temporarily
Helped her take her GED test
Assisted her in completing applications to community colleges
Got her enrolled in Tyler Community College
Got financial aid lined up for her through the college
Helped her apply for the Promise House Blake Davis Memorial Scholarship for higher education
Gave her school supplies, clothes, and hygiene products to take with her
Got her signed up for mainstream services (Medicaid, SSI, etc.)
Threw her a birthday party with a big cake
Gave her a big hug and wished her luck when she left.
Told her to call if and when she needed help.

She starts school in January. This is how we change lives at Promise House. One promising teen at a time.

Puzzles

2009-11-24T11:52:00.004-06:00

I recently met a man who creates puzzles. It got me thinking. Puzzles, puzzles, puzzles. They are all around us. I'm constantly trying to figure things out, answer the why, understand how the puzzle works. So I thought I'd let you be privy to some things I find puzzling (in no particular order):

How the richest nation in the world can have 24% of its children living in poverty
How Texas can be ok being the 2nd highest state in the union for families at risk of hunger
How advocates of abstinence only education can actually think it works
How this country can allow 41,000,000 people to be without health insurance
Why 6,000 teens run away every year in Dallas
How we can spend a billion dollars on a new football stadium and let thousands of our neighbors remain hungry and homeless
Why the Dallas Morning News puts the Cowboys on the front page
How to get you to recognize, advocate for, and help homeless and runaway teens
How to change your perspective about teens
Why a 17 year old with a child would get pregnant again (I think I know how)
Why some kids make it out of their horrible situations and some don't
How one PH teen can do great in the program and another totally bomb out
How a listening ear can change a young person's life

These are just a few of the puzzles I ruminate over. There are probably as many more that I could add as there are minutes in a day. But, I don't want your eyes to glaze over.

If you have any answers, let me know.

Texas is second-worst in hunger risk, U.S. says | News for Dallas, Texas | Dallas Morning News | Texas Regional News

2009-11-18T09:08:00.002-06:00

Texas is second-worst in hunger risk, U.S. says News for Dallas, Texas Dallas Morning News Texas Regional News

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So, I hadn't been blogging very much and was feeling kinda guilty about it. But man, oh man, am I hot today. I found the above article on page 6 of the Metro section of the Dallas Morning News. Now some of you know that I have been griping about the newsworthiness of putting the outcome of Cowboys' games on the front page. My question was, "Surely there are more important stories than that!"

Well, here is one. As a Texan, I am appalled and embarrassed that number one, this article was stuffed back in the metro section, and number two that it seems to continue to be ok with our citizens and legislature that Texas cares very little about its most vulnerable citizens. We are SECOND WORST in the United States for hunger risk. That means that we have the second highest number of individuals, families, and children who are at risk of being hungry TODAY.

GEEZ, how can we sleep at night???

On EVERY indicator of social services and safety net services offered to Texas citizens, we are either DEAD LAST or very near the bottom of the ranking of all of the United States. Pitiful.

This article should be plastered all over the front page of the paper. And, along with that, there should many, many columnists, editors, and whoever else has a voice decrying the fact that we are so pathetic in our care of the people who need it the most.

HOW IS IT that we can spends literally billions of dollars on things like new football stadiums, arenas, shopping malls, etc., while our neighbors go hungry?

I challenge the Dallas Morning News to take the lead in making these kinds of stories front page news. I challenge you, the Editorial Board, to consider people going hungry a little more important than who won the Cowboys game.

WAKE UP TEXAS! Do we really want to continue to wear the badge of one of the least caring states in these United States?

5 teens charged in fatal beating of Wylie man | News for Dallas, Texas | Dallas Morning News | Latest News

2009-11-09T14:23:00.002-06:00

Stories like this are heart-breaking to me. Not only do they reinforce already bad feelings towards teens, but they remind us that we can't save all of the ones who need help so desperately. What ever would possess these guys????

5 teens charged in fatal beating of Wylie man News for Dallas, Texas Dallas Morning News Latest News

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www.advocatemag.com Oak Cliff Magazine - LAUNCH: Q&A With Judy Wright

2009-11-06T10:10:00.000-06:00

Great article interviewing my fabulous V.P. of External Affairs about Promise House:

http://www.advocatemag.com/oak-cliff/magazine/QA_With_Judy_Wright.html?c=y

Hunger

2009-11-02T09:35:00.001-06:00

Many of you know that I sing with Resounding Harmony, a philanthropic chorus conducted by Dr. Timothy Seeling. We are working on our fall concert (which is Sunday, November 22 at the Myerson—which should be re-named Heaven—at 8:00 p.m.—I have tickets if you want to go!). This concert is benefitting the North Texas Food Bank; and one of the pieces was commissioned and written specifically for this concert. The title is “Hunger” and tells the story of a boy who is forced to grow up very fast and care for his siblings while his mother works three jobs trying to keep food on the table (sounds just like a lot of our kids!).

Well, last night at rehearsal, when it came time to practice this piece, one of the male chorus members went up to the mic and told his story of being hungry as a child, having to fend for himself and his siblings while his parent disappeared for days at a time. Needless to say, it was quite moving, especially since this young man has become quite an accomplished musician and is doing very well in his life.

The reason I bring this up is this: 99% of our teens have gone hungry at some point in their lives. They are the boy in the song, they are his sister, they are his brother. They could be my fellow chorus member. If you’ve never been around PH during the holiday season and watched HOW MUCH food our teens consume, you have really missed something. They can’t believe they can have as much as they want, whenever they want it.

As Tim said last night: For those of us who have been privileged enough to be able to decide WHAT to eat, not IF we are going to eat, it is difficult to wrap our heads around a 10-year old boy trying to save his sister from being hungry. But we see it every day at PH.

And thank goodness, we are able to provide these kids with all the food they need and want whenever they want it—fittingly, in partnership with the North Texas Food Bank.

Too Soon Grown

2009-10-22T12:01:00.002-05:00

I just watched a young woman walk from our building to the parking lot. She had a baby carrier that looked bigger than she is, a huge diaper bag slung over her shoulder and a second child, who appeared to be about two years old, walking with her. I could tell she was struggling to carry the baby and keep hold of the 2-year old.

I don't know if she is a resident with our transitional living program or if she is someone who came seeking help. What I do know is that she is definitely under 20 years of age, with a baby and a 2-year old in tow. I just can't even imagine. I see it every day, and yet I never get used to seeing young girls with babies and toddlers.....their adolescent years replaced by all too adult responsibility and burden.

When I ask the girls how being a teenage mother has changed their lives, they respond that they have had to grow up fast, that having a baby has made them more responsible, more caring. But when I ask them if they have regrets, each one cites getting pregnant as their biggest regret. They are quick to add that they wouldn't give up their child for anything, but that getting pregnant irrevocably changed everything--for a very long time.

I won't quote all the negative stats about teen pregnancy--most of the girls who come to Promise House defy them anyway and do very well. But that is with ALOT of help, support, education, mentoring, child care, and anything else they need to become good mothers. Without this help, young mothers have huge challenges ahead of them.

Hopefully, the young mother I saw just now will defy the odds and the stats. Hopefully, she will get the help she needs from us and become an incredible mother to her children. And hopefully, she won't give up the dreams she had before she got pregnant.

Wet Wednesday

2009-10-21T13:56:00.003-05:00

Wet Wednesday. Man, I'm sick of this rain, even if we do need it.

You know, every time it rains or gets really cold or really hot or snows or ices, I can't help but think of the kids and teens that are on the street. It's not too bad right now, cause it's not cold. But in a month or two a Wet Wednesday is also going to be a very cold Wet Wednesday. And these young people are going to have to contend with the cold and the wet and finding some place to sleep for the night.

I went out with our Street Outreach team in January one year. Unbelievably cold and windy. I was totally miserable and could only imagine the misery of kids who were dealing with the weather every day and night. They sleep in cars, on church steps, with people they don't know, in places not fit for human habitation. The stories would curl your hair.

Some people love rain, cold weather, snow, ice. I was preconditioned against any wet or really cold weather, since my father couldn't work during bad weather. Add to that, me knowing that there are kids out there in it that need help and aren't getting it, and the cards are totally stacked against rain, etc.

So, on this Wet Wednesday, say a prayer for all those wet kids trying to make their way on the street. It is a brutal existence.

A Good Day

2009-10-20T15:13:00.004-05:00

One of Promise House's former residents friended me on Facebook this week. How cool is that? Seems that he successfully graduated from high school and is now in college! I was sort of holding my breath when I asked him how he is doing, cause sometimes it's a crapshoot with young people--but when he replied, "Great!", I breathed a silent sigh of relief and felt such maternal pride it was as if I had been the one who was responsible for his success! Well, we all know that's not the case, but that is how excited I get when I hear from our kids who have left, especially if they are doing so well.

Moments such as these keep me plugging away for quite some time. We root and pull so hard for all our kids and many times never get to know how the story turns out. So to hear a story that is turning out well is that much more special.

All in all, I'd say a good day.

Thinking

2009-10-15T12:34:00.003-05:00

I've been at home this week doing a whole lot of nothing. Well, that's not entirely true. I've been reading, napping, eating, reading, napping, watching movies, etc. I've also had alot of time to just sit and think, which is one of my all-time favorite things to do.

So what am I thinking about? I'm thinking about the health care debacle and wishing congresspersons had to go without insurance for a while to experience what many of the families at Promise House experience every day. I'm thinking about the "troops" abroad in Iraq and Afganistan and how easy it is to depersonalize young men and women whose parents and loved ones are waiting with bated breath every day for them to get home safely. I'm also thinking that these young men and women are the same age as many of the older teens at Promise House--19, 21, 22, 23, 24--SO YOUNG.

I'm thinking that I am grateful to have a job, and if any of the higher ups in the financial world who say the recession is ending could talk to just the people I know who are unemployed, they might think something different. If they came to PH any day and listened in on the receptionist fielding requests for food, rent assistance, jobs, clothes, housing, they might change their tune.

I'm thinking about some of the kids who have come through Promise House--their challenges, their trauma, their victories, their triumphs. No matter how much I may gripe about my job, I can never get enough of seeing our kids in action. And I'm thinking about all of my staff who make my life easier and who make the lives of our teens easier.

Sitting and thinking helps me get things in order, put things in perspective, process current experiences, create new ideas. It helps me appreciate all the good things both in my lpersonal ife and in the life of PH and gives me time to better see the challenges in both arenas that I need to address. It helps me realize that the challenges I face are really miniscule in the face of the challenges every one of our teens face when they come to PH.

So today, I'm sitting here thinking. But next week I'll be moving fast. Let's hope the good thinking sticks.

Two for Three

2009-10-08T13:46:00.003-05:00

Promise House was recently notified by the Department of Health and Human Services that we are funded for another three years for our Basic Center (for the Shelter) and Street Outreach grants. Our transitional living grant that we have through DHHS is a five year grant and is not up for competition for several years. We are currently in the middle of getting our HUD (US Dept. of Housing and Development) renewal grant finished, and then we get a break for a while.

As crazy as the government makes me sometimes, Promise House could not function without its funding. Government grants are bigger dollar amounts and last longer than foundation, corporate, or individual contributions; and at the federal level anyway, they are fairly easy to manage. These grants will always be part of our diversified funding streams (unless the government nixes them), along with foundations, corporations, faith-based groups, and individuals.

So thanks, DHHS, for the vote of confidence and the funds. With your help, we will keep on truckin'.

PH Conundrum

2009-09-30T14:17:00.005-05:00

I have a conundrum with which I need help. Promise House was founded as an emergency shelter for runaway teens. We have continued to operate the shelter for the last 25 years while adding other programs critically needed for these teens, such as transitional living, community-based prevention programs, a maternity group home for homeless young mothers and their children, and scattered-site apartments for older homeless mothers and their children.

We have always viewed the shelter as the core of Promise House, and the program from which everything else grew. You would think, that as the core program, it would stay full; particularly with the statistic that over 6,000 teens run away from home every year in Dallas County. BUT, since its inception, there have been periods of time when the shelter has not been full. It was built as a 20-bed facility, and even now when we are using only 16 beds due to lack of funding, there are periods when it is not full. The question is: WHY?

The programs that stay full with waiting lists are our transitional living programs, particularly the programs for homeless young mothers and their children. We currently have a maternity group home, 15 apartments and two houses in the community for these programs; and we could easily double the size of bed space and stay full.

Here is the conundrum: do we keep supporting the shelter, knowing that kids are out there--but not knowing how to get them in--or do we transform that space into transitional living beds for the programs that are burgeoning? Could we raise as much money for TLP as we do for the Shelter?

We are embarking on a "marketing blitz" for the Shelter this fall to let people all over Dallas County know it is available. I'll be interested to see if it makes a difference. I still think emergency shelter for youth is a critically needed service for our community, and we need to get to the bottom of why kids aren't accessing it as much as they could.

Anyway, ideas, advice, feedback, are welcome. Sometimes new eyes bring great new solutions. And since I know anyone who reads this is brilliant, I'm confident you will come through with great stuff.

Thanks

Empathy Stops Here

2009-09-21T09:55:00.004-05:00

From the time I was a little girl, I wanted to be a mother. For one thing, I knew parenting could be done differently from the way I was parented. And somehow, I just knew that I would be great at it. I don't know if that turned out to be true, but I have loved every second--even when the seconds weren't that great.

Someone up there knew I needed girls.....there are so many things to love about little girls, not to mention being able to play dress-up again! Every stage brings new and delightful evolutions. Being able to witness their growth from little girls to beautiful, smart, creative, and yes, smart-mouthed young women has been the peak experience of my life. Whatever other accomplishments I have, they pale compared to witnessing the miracle that they are.

I have often said that my girls aren't mine. They came through me, and I was temporarily entrusted to bring them safely into adulthood. But both of them are soooo much more highly evolved than I could have ever hoped to be at their ages---they belong to the universe. I was just lucky enough to be chosen by them to walk through life with.

So, what is all this touchy-feely talk leading to? This: I will never have empathy for parents who are entrusted with the care and nurture of their children, but reject them; abuse them; neglect them; are too self-involved to hear them; are apathetic toward them.

We deal with the kids who are the brunt of this every day at PH. Kids who have been removed from their homes; kicked out of their homes; left alone in their homes; abused, neglected, ignored, used, thrown away. The ramifications are mind-boggling. Kids who can't connect; who can't trust anyone; who hate the world; who hate themselves; yet still long for their parents. Unbelievably, still long for their parents.....still long for their parents....still long for their parents.

I can't relate to these parents, don't want to relate, ever. I hope you won't either.

We're Number One!!

2009-09-11T13:54:00.003-05:00

A new Number One headline in the Dallas Morning News today for Texas. So now we are not only Number One in repeat teen pregnancies, but we are also Number One in the rate of uninsured persons. Wow! Let's give each other a High Five! We're Number One, We're Number One!!!

Oh, and on the other end of the spectrum, Texas repeatedly ranks 47th or 48th in the dollars spent on mental health services for our most vulnerable citizens. If we were playing golf, we'd surely win for lowest score! But we are not. These are peoples' lives we are playing with.

What is wrong with our legislators that they can look at this data year after year and do little to nothing to improve the health and well-being of our citizens?

I'm embarrassed by these headlines. I'm embarrassed that the people of this state don't care enough about these issues to rise up and demand change. I'm embarrassed what these headlines do to Texas' reputation.

With these headlines, it becomes harder and harder to justify to my out-of-state friends why I love my state and why I continue to live here.

Am I the only one??

Kids Live Through Obama Speech

2009-09-09T11:15:00.003-05:00

Well, I see all the school children lived through the Obama speech. Whew! That was a close one! Maybe he isn't the Anti-Christ after all.....but who knows.....he may be able to perform mind control tricks on Congress tonight to make all the Republicans and Blue Dog Dems love his healthcare plan. So, if you see eyes beginning to glaze over or turn yellow, you'll know we're in real trouble.

The kids at Booker T. Washington Arts Magnet seemed to fare pretty well watching the speech. Some even called it "inspiring". Go figure. And Laura Bush and Newt Gingrich were evidently embarrassed enough by their party's antics to admonish Republicans for throwing such a fit over the President addressing kids in his own country.

Now, I may be out of the loop on what sounds political, but I didn't hear anything that sounded like that to me. Sounded more like what my parents preached my entire life--stay in school; don't let obstacles stop you; you owe alot to your country; always try to improve yourself; it's nobody's job to make you succeed except yours. Where is the politics in that??

It's what we preach to Promise House teens. Make something of yourself, regardless of your circumstances. You can be upset, sad, angry, hurt, fearful, or depressed about your family situation or about why you are at Promise House, but you are not your circumstances; and you can overcome ANYTHING. Learn to make good choices. Stay in school, or learn a good trade. Become a productive, independent, adult. Give something back to your community and your country. Geez, was Obama listening in on some of our groups, or what?

So, if his speech was political, then so are we. You know, Gloria Steinem always said the personal is political, and we certainly get personal with our teens. Many times, it's the first time anyone has ever been interested in them, much less encouraged and cajoled them to make something of themselves. What better political statement can be made than breaking the cycle of poverty, teen pregnancy, violence toward women and children, and educational achievement??

So, Obama can make speeches like the one he made yesterday any time he wants (as far as I'm concerned). And you can bet that the teens at PH, along with staff will be watching.

"How Can I Keep From Singing?"

2009-09-02T16:12:00.005-05:00

I just started singing with a mixed chorus called Resounding Harmony, directed by Dr. Tim Seelig, who used to direct the Turtle Creek Chorale and the The Women's Chorus of Dallas. I sang with the Women's Chorus for almost ten years, so being able to sing again, particularly with a mixed group is very exciting.

Singing is a spiritual experience for me. It has always been one of the few activities in which I totally lose myself. Nothing else exists except the music, the conductor, and me. It is one of the joys that makes life worth living.

I have had the great fortune to sing some incredible pieces under the direction of Tim, but the one that I will always remember as the peak spiritual experience of my life was when we were recording John Rutter's "Requiem", for a CD. We were in the Myerson, which is itself a spiritual experience, and were performing the last movement, "Lux Aeterna", or "Light Forever".

Now, a Requiem, for those of you who don't know, is a body of music honoring the dead. There are many great "Requiems", Mozart's being my second favorite. But the important thing is that a Requiem is meant to console the living and lift the dead to a higher plane, or heaven, according to your beliefs.

My mother died when I was 29 and pregnant with my first child. We were not close, and I had alot of "unfinished business", as therapists would call it, with her.

It was during the recording of that last beautiful movement, Lux Aeterna, that I finally put my mother to rest. I'm not sure what happened or why, but the combination of that beautiful space and that beautiful music raised me to a level I had not before experienced, and I knew that she had been released from whatever pain she was still carrying. It was indescribable--I wanted to move into the Myerson--I wanted to never leave....

We recorded for three days, and it felt like such an incredibly warm and safe cocoon, I literally grieved when we had to leave.

Why do I bring this up and what does it have to do with PH? I bring it up, because I think it is a crime that arts programs are the first to get cut when budgets get tight....arts programs that give volatile and hurting teens venues through which to express their deepest feelings--whether it is visual arts, dance, music, or theatre.

When PH has been fortunate to offer any kind of arts to our kids, the transformation is palpable. They LOVE it. And yet, we can only do it sporadically due to lack of funding.

It makes me very sad to know that most of our teens will never have the opportunity to feel the transformation in their lives that music has caused in my life. They will not soar with the great and beautiful pieces that comfort, rouse, inspire, and move people so deeply.

The arts make life worth living.....and I want our teens to live and to have experiences that make them know that their lives are worth living...singing is just one.

Hats Off to Homeless Teens

2009-08-24T13:34:00.003-05:00

School started today across the metroplex. DISD buses were running carrying thousands of kids to their first day of the new school year.

Here's something I bet you don't know about kids in DISD. Over 4,000 of them are homeless, with about 1,300 of those being between the ages of 13 and 18. They live in shelters, in cars, under bridges, doubled or tripled up with family or friends, in cheap motels, as "sofa surfers" (moving from place to place). Many of the older kids live without parents or guardians, fending for themselves as best as they can.

The miracle is that they go to school at all. The barriers for them are gigantic before they even hit the front door of the school: transportation, child care, uniforms or clothes, shoes, school supplies, the list is endless. They arrive hungry, many having not slept the night before, mentally fragile, abused, disconnected. And they are supposed to be educated in that condition. Fat chance!

We had a young woman at Promise House last year who lived in parks in a Dallas suburb for over a year, while continuing to attend her home school. We had another young man who lived in his car, attended his home school, was involved in athletics, and came to us only when he ran out of options for help.

How do these teens do it? Why do they do it?

What we have heard over the years is that for many homeless and runaway teens, school is their anchor, the one place they can count on for routine, food, shelter during the day, and adults who care about them. They can get help with supplies and necessities, and they can hope for a way out of their situation through education.

That is pretty darn impressive.

I've said often that there are homeless and runaway teens in your very neighborhood, maybe on your own block; and they are certainly in your schools. Dallas, Richardson, Irving, Arlington, DeSoto, Duncanville, Lancaster, you name the city or school district they are there.....and it is a travesty.

The fastest growing homeless populations currently are women with children and unaccompanied teens. It's time for the government and funders who pay for support services to catch up with the trends and widen the safety net from chronically homeless adults to include women, children, families, and unaccompanied teens.

Or, as I say again and again, we will never end homelessness in Dallas or anywhere, unless we address the young people who are potentially the next generation of chronically homeless adults.

My hat is off to the homeless and runaway teens who are trying to stay in school. I hope you make it. I hope we help.

Fiscal Year End--Thank Goodness!!

2009-08-14T10:29:00.004-05:00

Promise House's fiscal year is coming to an end August 31. It has been a tough year for us, no doubt about it. We had to make some extremely hard decisions in order to cut expenses, including the reduction of salaries by 10%. I want to again thank each and every one of my staff members for the sacrifices you have made this year to help get us through.

I am thrilled to report that we will end the year WITHOUT a deficit (unless some act of God happens) and maybe a small surplus. The outlook for next year is still not great, and to that end, we have adjusted the 2009 – 2010 Budget to reflect that. However, the Executive Team’s TOP priority in 2009 – 2010 is to begin restoring salaries, if possible.

The most incredible and awesome thing about this past year is that it looks like we will have served almost 1,000 more clients than last fiscal year, with less money, and with staff taking a salary cut. That is truly a mirror for what is going on in the economy and how many teens and families are in trouble because of it.

Everyone involved with PH played a significant role in getting us through this past year. I hope you will take at least a moment to compliment yourself and your colleagues for your Herculean efforts; and for the exemplary service you provided to our clients, in spite of these rough times.

You are truly the BEST, and I am honored and humbled to work with you.

Amen For Friends

2009-08-06T08:32:00.005-05:00

I had dinner last night with Peg and Marty, two long-time friends that I hadn't seen in 20 years. Wow! How can 20 years speed by like that??? Three hours later, we decided we needed to do this quarterly, as we could have sat there another 10 hours, probably, updating each other.

Marriages, divorces, deaths, grandbabies (not me, of course--I'm too young-hah!), grown children, accomplishments, challenges, gossip, updates on mutual friends, reminisces about our younger years together.....and miraculously, none of us had aged a bit!!

It truly is hard to believe that we are the ages that we are, that we have lived so much of life. I still feel so much like a teenager so much of the time--unsure, awkward, self-centered, self-involved, ageless, self-conscious. I can't fathom grandkids (I'm just launching my youngest child!), and sometimes jump back in shock when I look in the mirror--who is that older woman??

I'm not sure if that means I'm developmentally arrested or something, but at least it comes in handy with the Promise House teens. I GET them. I know who they are, how they are feeling, what their fears are, how they cover them up, what their fights are about.

What I don't know is the trauma so many of them have suffered--shuffled through the foster care system, abused at the hands of parents or step-parents, kicked out of their homes for one thing or another, trying to make it on their own.

I know the effects of that trauma, but I can never say to any of them that I understand what they have been through. I can only sit and listen, create a holding environment in which they feel safe enough to walk back through it all. And hopefully, heal a little.

To me, one of the worst effects of their trauma and transience is the loss of history and long-term connections. I've talked about this alot, and it is the one thing that makes me want to take them all home and create a history and a family connection for them.

I feel extremely fortunate to have long-term connections such as my friends Peg and Marty; my next-door and across the street neighbors of 20 years; my siblings; my graduate school buddies. They are my history and I am theirs. Even if I don't see them for another 20 years, I know if I needed any of them, I could call and they would be there in an instant.

The lack of these connections for our kids makes working with them very poignant. What keeps me going is that hopefully, they see us as that long-term connection and a major part of their history; a friend they can call on anytime--even 20 years from now--if they need help; that we are their anchor in the turbulent waters of their lives.

Like Peg and Marty are to me, we are to them.

Amen for friends.

Criminal, Schriminal!

2009-08-03T08:27:00.002-05:00

I have been very grumpy lately. The cause?? Criminal background checks.

Someone on high from somewhere has dropped the hammer on every federal and state agency with whom we work and mandated that background checks must be done. Well, that’s not news to us—we’ve always done them. The problem is….EVERY agency wants a DIFFERENT background check. We currently do FOUR (count them, 4!) different background checks on every employee to satisfy ourselves, TDFPS, and whoever else is in the mix.

The latest grump-maker is Dallas County, with whom we have an agreement every year to accept referrals from their truancy courts. WELL, it seems that they don’t like our background checks and want yet ANOTHER one for those employees who would be working with their teens. THEY PAY US NOTHING FOR WORKING WITH THESE KIDS. And worst than that, the young woman with whom we have been dealing is one who can only repeat like a robot what the requirements are—that are due TODAY, by the way.

Thank goodness I know people in high places (that is a joke) and called Ron Stretcher, who is over all the truancy courts. We now have a reprieve until he can figure an easier way for us to do these checks.

Now, to date, here are the people who have been involved in trying to solve this issue: Keri, STAR program manager; Regina Levine, Parents with Promise manager; Alex Appiah, V.P. Programs; Judy Marshall, V.P. Internal Affairs, and little ole me!

And they had been trying to solve this issue for two weeks!!!

The other villain in this story is the company that the TDFPS STAR program uses to do their background checks. We submitted 15 employees back in June to be checked, and as of Wed., had not heard back any results—in spite of several phone calls and emails. So, we couldn’t even prove to the County that these folks have been cleared—until I emailed the Division Head of STAR and demanded that this be fixed.

We were talking in Leadership Retreat yesterday about things that rob our passion. Well, let me tell you, THIS IS IT!!!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??? Why can’t they get their stuff together and use ONE background check for everyone? I guess that would be WAY too simple.

Thank you for listening to me vent. It was a VERY testy week, and I have become the shrew whose phone calls and emails the state and county are trying to valiantly avoid. BUT THEY WILL NEVER GET RID OF ME! And we will prevail (somehow!).

I hope I have a better week this week!

Sleepless in Oak Cliff??

2009-07-23T13:50:00.005-05:00

Things that keep me up at night: Well, actually, NOTHING keeps me up at night, but if I WERE going to be Sleepless in Oak Cliff, here is what would keep me up, in no particular order:

Our case managers make home visits--sometimes in pretty rough parts of town.
We have new-borns and infants in our care and young mothers who have no idea how to raise them.
We have pregnant teens who come to us having had NO prenatal care.
We spend a good amount of time transporting kids in five vans--all over the place.
Next week, 30 kids and 6 staff are taking a chartered bus to Colorado for a week's stay.
Any one of our shelter teens could go OFF at any time--their CPS worker didn't call, their parent didn't come visit, another kid's hair is parted on the wrong side, someone touched them ("He touched me!" "Did not!" "Did too!", "Did not!", etc.)
There are over 1,000 teens every night in Dallas who are either on the street or "sofa surfing" (moving from place to place).
Like any parent, we wait up for the older transitional living teens to come home from God knows where (they are supposed to be working or in school, but if you have kids, you know how that goes sometimes).
We have 15 homeless young mothers and their children living in apartments in the community, pretty much on their own.

And these are just the kid issues! How many liability issues can YOU count??

Luckily, one of the reasons I don't stay up at night, is the incredible competence and dedication of Promise House staff. They see their job as a mission. They do things like: sit beside a young woman in the hospital who is in labor, talk down a really upset shelter teen, rock babies, go buy clothes for a teen who has none, scour the streets looking for homeless teens, go on week-long trips with kids (they deserve a halo!), stay late to get a grant out, work weekends and holidays to make an event perfect, deal with irate parents, spend hours or days helping a teen find a relative to go home to, plan birthday parties for teens who have never had one, come to PH in the middle of the night when lightening has struck, and the list goes on and on.

So, you can understand now why I sleep very well at night. And you can also understand what I mean when I say that whatever a kid needs to grow up well, that is what we do.

And we do it better than anyone else.

Trashed Tuesday

2009-07-21T13:55:00.004-05:00

Today is Tuesday.

So far, I've had to cancel two meetings, reschedule another one (after I got everything ready for them), witness and try to help in a physical altercation between a mom and her daughter in the lobby (it was a bad one), figure out how to make coffee in this new space-age coffee maker (it took me an hour, and it wasn't even for me!), and attempt to look like I maintained some sanity.

And that was just this morning!

Most of you are probably thinking, what a wimp! But my point is this: today is my second day back from vacation; and the second day back from vacation (for me, anyway) is ALWAYS a total disaster.

WHY IS THAT??

Why can't I transition smoothly and calmly back into work? I even came in on Sunday for an hour or two to catch up on email and mail, so I would have an easier transition! Well, that didn't work.

If any of you out there understand what I am saying, I would appreciate a shout-out.

I would feel alot better if I knew I wasn't the only one who feels like they've been hit by a Mac truck on their second day back from vacation.

I am REALLY longing for the pool right about now.

Go Figure

2009-07-15T08:59:00.004-05:00

So, if you can figure this out, you are smarter than I.

Promise House has a great program called STAR (Services to At-Risk Youth) that provides in-home and community-based case management and counseling services to prevent teens from running away from home.

STAR is a state-wide program funded through the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services, and is in every county in Texas. Like I said, it is a GREAT program.

TDFPS contracts with us to provide the above services in Dallas County and pays us about $825,000 per year. We are to serve 1074 individual teens, along with their family members. That comes out to about $700 per kid. Not too bad.

So, I heard that the agency that had previously served Collin and Rockwall Counties was not renewing their contract. Naturally, I was interested. When I inquired with the STAR folks in Austin, they sent me this info: the contract for Collin and Rockwall counties called for the agency to serve 1174 individual teens, plus family members. The amount of the contract was $323,000.

Do you see what I see???

Collin and Rockwall counties combined have a little over 800,000 people. Dallas county, of course, is much bigger than that. Yet, more teens for almost 1/3 of the $$ we get have to be served in those counties. Somebody do the math!

I think I may know now why they didn't renew!

So, when I again talked with the folks in Austin they said that those #s were negotiated at the beginning of the contract (sounds like someone needed a better negotiater!), and the $ amount was fixed.

Well, needless to say, Promise House is not going to enter into a contract that says we can only spend $104 per kid ($323,000 divided by 1174). I told Austin that at that $ amount we could possibly serve 600 teens, or if they wanted us to serve 1174, we would need at least $650,000.

We'll see what happens.

Ah, state government....don't ya just love 'em?

"Empty Nest Syndrome"--New DSM IV Classification for Women?

2009-07-12T15:43:00.003-05:00

O.K., so this doesn't have anything to do with Promise House, but I had this thought late last night. As I am helping my youngest get ready to go to UT in the fall, everyone I know is asking me, "What will you DO when she leaves?" "What are you going to do with ALL that time on your hands?" "Won't you be lonely??"

It almost feels like I'm being lumped into this "syndrome" that could be part of the DSM IV (which is still very sexist):
"symptoms include depression, anxiety, and sadness at last child's departure from the home. Patient is unable to cope with ALL that time on her hands and becomes lonely and despondent. Affects women, primarily."

So here is what hit me last night. Do people ask men the same questions?? I have NEVER heard anyone ask those questions to a father. I may just not get around much, but I would bet that mothers are asked those questions at least twice as often as fathers.

Why??

The first assumption is that, as a mother, your child is your entire life, even if you have a career. Not so, with a man. No one EVER expects his child to be his whole life. In that same vane, have you ever heard men talk about work / life balance?? Rarely.

The second assumption is that a mother can't find anything besides children to fill up ALL that LONELY time. When fathers are included in the questions, they are framed around the premise that he is going to have time for ALOT more fun! More golf, more hunting, more, more, more. Poor mom, though, is going to be sitting on the couch depressed and anxious without her precious baby.

Give me a break!!

I love my children more than life itself. I have spent the last 29 years raising them; and loving EVERY minute. But they have never been my WHOLE life. I built a career, went to graduate school, participated in two singing groups, joined several book clubs, took voice lessons, etc., etc., all of which made my time and relationships with my children all that much better.

I find it insulting that people assume that women are nothing without their children--that assumption is never made about men.

So, if you want to ask me those questions, you have to find a father whose last child is leaving home and ask him the SAME questions!!

But......here are my answers: "I will do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it." "After literally running for the last 29 years, I will totally bask in 'all that time on my hands' '". "No, I won't be lonely. How can I be when both daughters have texting, email, facebook, twitter, etc., etc.? I love solitude and I need it. I have alot of "non-solitude" to make up for. So, no, I won't be lonely."

Yes, it will be different. But I have loved every stage in my girls' lives, and this will be no different.

It will be poignant, it may be a little sad for a bit. But, it will be an incredible journey, just as every step of our lives together has been.

25 Years, 25 Reasons

2009-07-08T08:58:00.002-05:00

25 years. 60,000 lives. One promise--hope for a better future. This is Promise House. For the past 25 years we have opened our doors 24 hours a day, 365 days a year to runaway, homeless, and at-risk teens.

Over 6,000 teens run away from home every year in Dallas. And on any given night, over 1,000 teens are on the street, "sofa surfing" (moving from place to place), or involuntarily out of their homes. Kicked out, abandoned, down and out, they come to Promise House for hope and healing. We give many of these teens not a second chance, but their ONLY chance for a better life.

I've been with Promise House 11 of those 25 years. I've met extraordinary young people who, inspite of horrific trauma, have perservered, maintained, healed, succeeded. And most extraordinary of all is the fact they can still smile, can still laugh, play, and be typical teens--if given the chance.

So, in our 25th year, here are 25 reasons to contribute to the continued success of Promise House and the thousands of teens who look to us every year as their safety net, their anchor:

We need your help.
It is a worthy cause.
It could be your teen.
They need your help.
It will make you feel good.
You were once a teen.
We get results.
You'll be contributing to a warm bed.
You'll be contributing to 3 meals a day, every day.
You'll be contributing to medical and dental care.
You'll be contributing to shoes, socks, underwear, jeans, shirts, p.j.s.
You'll be helping homeless young mothers like Sarah become outstanding parents.
You'll be contributing to babies' and toddlers' well-being.
You will help keep at-risk teens at home and off the street.
We need to pay our passionate and dedicated staff.
We need to keep the lights on.
We need to be available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
You will feel happy.
You will feel proud.
You will feel useful.
We will feel happy.
Our teens will be happy.
You will save a life.
You will give hope.
If it was your child, you would want all the help you could get.

Please help. To contribute, go to www.promisehouse.org.

$9 million for Super Bowl / $0 million for Homeless Teens

2009-07-06T10:47:00.006-05:00

So, big news in the Metro section of the Dallas Morning News today: "$9 million raised for Super Bowl; more on tap". But, poor babies, due to the bad economy, they may end up shy of the $15 million they are looking for. O.K., so here I go again.......

Does anyone have any idea what Promise House could do with just ONE of those millions????? And WHY is it that the rich folks are so eager to support huge stadiums, huge football games, huge entertainment venues, huge hotels, but not huge problems like teens who live in cars, under bridges, on the street, on top of buildings??? Teens who have suffered unspeakable abuses and have chosen the streets as refuge??? Teens who will be the next generation of chronically homeless adults, cause NO ONE who can really ante up and put some serious money toward solving the problem is paying attention to them??

I used to say it made my head hurt. But now, it makes my heart hurt. Promise House struggles every year to meet the gap in funding between government dollars and the actual costs of providing critically needed services to these teens: emergency shelter, long-term housing, street outreach, crisis counseling. Not to mention basic needs of food, clothing, a bed to sleep in, toothpaste, socks, underwear, etc., etc. I often say that whatever it takes to raise a kid is what Promise House does.

But sometimes it seems that Dallas would rather raise a convention hotel, or a stadium, or fancy new condos that are now sitting empty, than raise these teens. But guess what? We will NEVER end homelessness in Dallas until these teens get the attention and help they need.

The last thing I always say is: "If it was your child on the street, you would want all the help you could get."

That is all we are asking--all the help we can get.

So, how about just one of those millions??

"Do You Remember When....?"

2009-06-30T14:47:00.004-05:00

So, I love playing the game "Do You Remember When....?" with my daughters.

For instance, one of my favorites is to ask Leslie, "Do you remember when Sara tried to strangle you on the porch?" "OMG, Mom, do you HAVE to???" (she really loves hearing it, though).
"Of course I do," I say.

I then start retelling the story of the time I was sitting peacefully in the living room when Leslie (age 8 or 9) comes screaming and crying through the front door.

"What on earth???" I question her.
"Sara tried to STRANGLE me!!"
"Oh, come on Leslie, STRANGLE you??"
"YES! I'M SERIOUS!"
"I'm sure she didn't mean to REALLY strangle you, did she?"
"OH YES SHE DID!"

So, I call Sara into the house.

"Sara, Leslie said that you tried to strangle her. Is this true?"
"Yep."
"YOU REALLY TRIED TO STRANGLE HER???"
"Yes."
"What on earth for???"
"She made me mad."
"But you put your hands around her throat and actually tried to strangle her??"
"I already told you, yes. How many times are you going to ask me?"

Another favorite is one I tell my oldest daughter, Kat.

"So, do you remember when, any time you would do something great, you used to love for me to sing the 'I'm Proud of You' song from Mr. Rogers? "I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I hope that you are proud of you, too!"
"Oh, God, Mom. That was ages ago!"
"Then why, at age 29, do you still want me to sing it to you when you've done something great???"
"I don't know," she mumbles sheepishly. "I guess I still like it?"
"Want me to sing it to you now?"
"Would you?"

Or this one. Kat had just gotten her drivers permit and was driving to school with me in the front seat. She had done a great job. So, she turns into the school parking lot, totally confident of the fabulous job she has done, and starts waving at all her friends......and forgot all about the fact that she was driving. She consequently side-swiped a brand new Lincoln Town Car.

The guy in the car JUMPS out of the car, and starts YELLING: "What's the matter with you!! Are you blind??? This is a brand new car!! You've ruined it!!"

Well, that ticked me off, so I got out of our car, walked over to him and asked, "Why are you in this parking lot?"
"Why do you think I'm in this parking lot? I have a kid in this school!"
"And does your kid have a driver's license??"
"Yes, so what?"
"Well, it could just as easily have been YOUR kid who side-swiped me as my kid side-swiping you. So chill out, or take a powder. I have insurance."

All of us have so many of these stories with our kids. And they NEVER tire of hearing them. These stories anchor them, give them their foundation of belongness to family, validate that they are seen, loved, important, remembered. They teach them that they matter--that they have made an impact on the world, on their parents and families.

SO MANY of the teens at Promise House have NO ONE to tell them "Do you remember?" stories. They've either been shuttled around the foster care system for years, or their parents were too abusive or drug addicted to care about family stories, or they've been on the streets with no parents. Their "Do you remember?" stories are stories they want to forget--stories of abuse, of transience, of incarceration, of lonliness, hurt, heartache.

People say you can't miss what you never had, but I don't believe that. These kids know what they are missing, what they have missed. And no matter how old they are, they long for family and connection.....for someone to tell them THEIR stories.

I think that's why so many stay in touch with us. We are their story tellers--we remember them--we love them--and they matter.

Russell

2009-06-22T10:02:00.002-05:00

As I drove up to PH this morning, I saw a tall, lanky kid sitting on the picnic table by our parking lot. No one else was around, so I knew he wasn't with the shelter. I walked over to him and realized that he looked really familiar. "What's up?" I asked. "Nothing, just waiting til y'all open". Sonja, my street outreach manager walked up about that time. "We're open," she said. "You look really familiar," I said. "Yea," he said. "I'm Russell. I was in TLP (transitional living)." "Oh yea, I remember you," I said. "Where are you now and what are you doing?". "Well, I'm trying to work and am going to AI (Art Institute) to learn to become a chef." "Very cool," I said. "What are you doing here?" "Well, I need to talk to Darrell (his former case manager) and Patrick (our receptionist)." "Patrick??" "Yea." I didn't ask anymore questions--Sonja could sort it out.

I've said so many times that we are an anchor for our kids, that we become their parents, and that like all kids, they leave and then they come back when they need us. Russell is a perfect illustration.

So, he met with Darrell, talked with Patrick. I have no idea what was settled or discussed, but what I do know is that he knew we would be here to help him or simply to talk to him, pat him on the back and send him back out into the world.

The Russells are what make my job worth all the headaches. And he didn't even bring his laundry to wash!!

Crusher Bill--A Fathers Day Tribute

2009-06-21T08:20:00.003-05:00

Today is Fathers Day, and my brother, Ross, and I are spending it with Crusher Bill (my father's nick-name--his business was crushed limestone). He also just turned 87. What a life he has lived. I've written about him before, about his service in WWII as a Navy fighter pilot--getting shot down in the Pacific and being rescued by a submarine--, about his outrageous stories, his never-ending energy, his ability to live life full-out. He's a member of the Great Generation, lived through the Great Depression, built his wealth from the ground up, supported six kids, and now breeds and runs race horses (he was at the track yesterday to see four of his horses run!).

I continue to be shocked at his slight stature when I see him, because he has always been larger than life to me. There is a part of me that still believes he may beat the odds and be immortal. I just cannot imagine life without him.

He and I have often been at cross purposes, him being very critical of some of my life choices, me being highly critical of the way he treated me. There have been years when I didn't speak to him, there have been years when he "disowned"me for one thing or another. Thank goodness, that is water under the bridge now.

He is a staunch conservative, I'm a wild-eyed (in his words) liberal. The one thing that has brought us together is my work at Promise House. He is very proud of the work we do and is proud of me for heading it up.

He is the kind of parent who tells everyone he knows how proud he is of you, but he never says it to you. That used to really make me hot and hurt my feelings, but that's just who he is--he was never privvy to the "positive parenting" model of child-rearing.

The truly remarkable thing about my father is his total lack of martyrdom or sense of feeling burdened about life. And he's had plenty to feel burdened by--his older brother flew the coop to Brazil at age 19 and left him to deal with my very hard to deal with grandmother, his father died when he was 14-- he was then raised by a worse than Dickensonian step-father, left college to go to war, came back, got married and had six kids in six years, went bankrupt and had to move to Texas for work, got fired from that job for his inability to follow rules (a true entrepreneur), and finally built his own lime-stone crushing business.

He was hard on all of us, but especially hard on my oldest brother. He was uncompromising, rigid, abusive at times, loud, and obnoxious. But he was also fun, creative, hilarious, a softy if you talked to him just the right way, and loved music, film, live theatre, and fun. He was also the one who taught me that "no one is going to toot your horn for you but you", and that "10% of the population run the world, and the other 90% wonder what happened--don't be part of the 90%!"

He is also the reason I finished my doctorate--"Damn, I'll probably be dead before you finish that damn thing", and is the voice in my head (good or bad) that keeps me moving forward.

My stepmother, Pat, died suddenly last summer and very unexpectedly, and that has thrown him for a loop. He is quite a bit older than she was and the last thing either of them expected was that she would die first. He has finally aged this year, I'm sure from the grief and strain of her loss. I asked him the other day how he was and he said, "I've got about three years to live and about 10 years of work to finish--you do the math!" So like him.

The only up-side to her death is that he has allowed all of us to get much closer to him. And that is a joy. Kids never get tired of hearing their parents' stories, and I'm no different. I don't care if I've heard them a thousand times, I still love hearing him tell them.

So, Crusher Bill, happy Fathers Day. I gotta say, you did it your way, and we all are the better for it. I love you.

City of Dallas and Texas Chainsaw Massacre

2009-06-18T10:31:00.004-05:00

So, it's all over the news how the City of Dallas is going to have to make big cuts in order to balance the budget. Laying off over 700 employees, cutting core services, etc., etc. BUT we can build a new convention center hotel???? And make improvements to some city golf course???

What is the deal??

WHY is it that services to the most marginalized citizens are ALWAYS the first to be cut? And WHY doesn't anyone at the local, state, or federal level GET IT that paying for prevention services is SOOOO much cheaper than paying for treatment, incarceration, mental hospitals, etc. Prevention is ALWAYS on the chopping block--at every level. Instead, we put lots of money into prisons, the Texas Youth Commission (we all know how well THAT works), stadiums (monuments to society's and meglomaniacs' gluttony); and cut like crazy programs for kids, teens, and senior citizens. I'm sure they will understand the NEED for a convention center hotel over their need to EAT or have a HOUSE.

When are we going to be willing to take care of our own? Texas is unabashedly the WORST state in this regard, because we HAVE the money to help kids, to help seniors, to keep libraries open.....we just don't want to spend it there! Governor Perry is VERY proud of the fact that taxes are not raised (ever!) and consistently brags about "small government". Meanwhile, thousands of children and families have NO insurance, seniors get no Meals on Wheels,
families that work two or three jobs just to make ends meet have to leave their kids at home after school and in the summer, cause child care is either non-existent or too expensive. Makes me proud to be a Texan (NOT)!

I'm so tired of arguing about this. I wish Mary Suhm or Governor Perry had to live the life of Promise House families for just one week. Use public transportation to get anywhere, argue with case workers to get food stamps, stand in line forever to get anything done, use Parkland Hospital's emergency room as their doctor (and wait 18 hours to be seen)--or worse, live in a car or an emergency shelter or under a bridge. I think they might change their minds about some of these cuts or spending priorities.

So, back to the City of Dallas. The Dallas Police Department's First Offender Program is on the chopping block. That means that close to 1,000 additional teens per year will now be in the juvenile justice system, with criminal records, for a first offense--whereas, if they went through the First Offender Program, they would stay out of the system, and on successful completion of the program, have their records expunged. GO FIGURE!!

I'm so disappointed in the City of Dallas and in the State of Texas. I love both dearly, and it is really heart-wrenching to me to see them act so irresponsibly toward its most vulnerable citizens. I really don't know how Ms. Suhm and Governor Perry sleep at night.

Do You Get It?

2009-06-16T14:01:00.003-05:00

I've been somewhat in the dumps lately. I can't decide if it is pre empty-nest syndrome, having to balance the PH budget for next year, arguing with state grantors for two months, or just wanting to spend all day every day at the swimming pool.

But, I had lunch with a delightful woman today who boosted my spirits. I was sharing information with her about Promise House and the help we need from the community; and she really got it. Now, I've been around long enough to know when someone doesn't get it at all, or somewhat gets it, or really gets it. And she REALLY got it. It was a joy to share my passion about our teens with her and see her passion spark as I talked.

Where are the rest of you??? I know there are many of you out there who, if given the chance, would really GET Promise House and what we are about and who we serve and the kind of help we need from the community (from you).

WE NEED YOU!! OUR TEENS NEED YOU!! YOU NEED US!!

Working with Promise House and our teens will change your life. There aren't many opportunities to really change someone's life for the better, but here is your chance.

Please help. We need your time, we need your money (yes, I'm actually begging), we need your passion. Go to www.promisehouse.org and check us out.

Our teens are worth your investment.

Celebration Time!

2009-06-10T17:33:00.004-05:00

IT'S TIME TO CELEBRATE!!

Six Promise House teens accomplished major milestones this Spring. Brittney, Anita, Ryan, and Anthony all graduated from high school with flying colors! Brittney graduated from Arbor Education Training, Anita from Lincoln High School, Ryan from Hillcrest, and Andrew from Kimball. On top of that, Andrew received a $5,000 scholarship per year from the Professional Golfers' Association! Congratulations to these incredible young people!

That's not all. Julie, a former Wesley Inn resident, graduated from Everest College in May; and Sarah, a current resident of Wesley Inn, just completed her first semester at El Centro with Straight "A's".

So, what is so special about these accomplishments? Only that each of these kids came to Promise House from the street. And more than that, while they were on the street, they were trying to stay in school--living in cars, in parks, sofa surfing, running from abuse, trying to survive--and in school. That is pretty miraculous.

We believe strongly at PH that education is a way out of poverty and homelessness. These kids truly embody WHY we believe what we believe. They have broken the cycle, they have stepped into life, they have demanded through their accomplishments that they be respected.

You can never know the extent of their tragedy, their sorrow, the unimaginable trauma they have experienced. But we know. And they know. And they also know that we will do anything for them except allow them to use their trauma as a barrier to their success. The trauma was real. The barrier is not. That is something we know before they know.

Brittney, Anita, Ryan, Anthony, Julie, and Sarah faced down their barriers and succeeded. Hallelujah!

I'm not sure, in their circumstances, I could have done the same.

Hattye

2009-05-31T18:06:00.002-05:00

Today is my grandmother Hattye's, birthday. She would have been 110 years old. Born in 1899 in Pine Bluff, Arkansas, she grew up with one sister, Bessie (Aunt Bessie to us), married Jesse Ross McCormack in 1919 or 1920 and moved to Malvern. She and Ross had two daughters, Jane (my mother) and Ann (my aunt). Ross ran a lumber mill that my oldest sister, also Ann, loved to visit with him.

We stayed with Hattye every summer growing up. Our cousins (who we called foreigners, cause they were from Omaha, Nebraska and talked funny) and us would meet for two or three weeks at Hattye's house in Malvern. My mother, Aunt Ann, and Hattye would spend most of their time on the screen porch, smoking, working crossword puzzles, and just enjoying being. We would roam the neighborhood, walk downtown, go to the movie, or congregate on the porch. For at least a week of that time, we would all go to Lake Catherine and stay in a big old house with an upstairs sleeping porch. That's when the Dad's came with the boat.

But this is about Hattye, not the lake. She was THE BEST grandmother anyone could ever want. She was a tremendous cook and taught me how to make ham salad, chicken salad, turkey salad, southern potato salad, fried chicken with no burn spots (iron skillet and low heat), cocoons, divinity, cranberry-orange relish, ambrosia, brownies, home-made egg nog (with bourbon), and a million other things. She fixed us things like tea with lemonade, egg-salad sandwiches, ham baked in a paper bag, fresh tomatoes, pears and cottage cheese, canned peaches, etc., etc.

She always made you feel like you her favorite (a real trick with 10 grandchildren). When you'd call her on the phone, her response was always, "Well, Hi, Daaahhlin! I've missed hearing from you so much!" When we'd get ready to leave and go back home, her, "It's going to be so quiet around here, I just won't know what to do with myself" was both a testament of her love, and a heart-stabbing guilt trip.

She was the fun grandmother--loved our friends, our music, our dances, gave great presents, and always had mints or gum in her purse that we could raid. When she was at our house, there was never a day when a ton of our friends were not over visiting with her. She came every Xmas, and around Thanksgiving, everyone would start asking us, "When's Hattye coming??"

My sister Beth and I or my brother Ross and I often received the fantastic job of going to get her in Malvern and bringing her to Sherman. Now at that time, we (the kids) were driving a 59 brown Chevy Impala (The Brown Bomb). That thing would go 100 mpg in a heart-beat. So we would roar up to Malvern, stay at Hattye's a day or two and bring her back (much slower). And she loved it. She could catch up on all the music, gossip from Sherman, and goings on of all of us. It was great fun.

You just knew that she loved being a grandmother.

I was going to segue into the harsh realities that many of PH's grandmothers face, but I'll do that another time. Today, I want to be joyful.

So, Hattye, Happy Birthday! I miss you every day, especially around Christmas, cause I just am not going to bake all the wonderful stuff you used to. But I do still make cranberry-orange relish for my father--he loves it, and I will pass your recipes to my daughters, who actually like to cook.

I have so many incredible images of you, but the one that is most omnipresent is of your hands, somewhat gnarled from arthritis, mixing one of your fabulous salads--hands deep in the bowl to ensure it got mixed just right--wedding rings slipping around on your left finger, your index finger bringing up a great big blob for me to taste. "What does it need, Honey?"

Not a thing. It had you.

Can Hearts Really Break?

2009-05-26T19:02:00.008-05:00

Can hearts really be broken?

It seems that if a heart is broken, it doesn't work anymore. So, I tend to think that, unless you've had a heart attack or a heart transplant, that your heart hurts, but is not broken. I've seen many, many kids with bruised, battered, and hurt hearts come into Promise House. Their hearts still work, but not very well. They pump and everything, but they can't hold much joy or sadness because they're just not very strong. Hopefully, while they are with us, their hearts will mend a bit and become able to hold alot more feelings.

Sometimes when we get a rough kid in, we know that connecting with him or her is going to hurt their heart. Because for these kids, kindness triggers lots of hurt and pain that they try to protect by being tough. So we have to go slow, so their heart has time to adjust to feeling good.

How can a heart hold great joy along with great sadness all at the same time?

Like this weekend--incredible, undefinable joy at seeing my daughter graduate from high school and at the same time, deeper than deep sadness over the loss of a long-time friendship. Or, many years ago, my mother dying while I was pregnant with my oldest daughter--the unabashed joy I felt when giving birth existing right along with my terrible grief at not having my mother with me. How can a heart hold that much? Does the joy help it not be so hurt, or does the sadness minimize the joy? I don't think so. It is awesome to me that both states co-exist in the same heart and somehow enhance the other.

How many hurts can a heart take before it breaks? Does sadness, grief, anger, loss, cause physical heart problems? Who knows. But I know that my heart can hurt with joy just as much as it hurts with sadness and grief. What is that about? Are they the same in some way? Is that what they mean by poignant---joy and sadness mixed up?

If so, this weekend was a poignant time. My heart hurt---from joy and sadness---but it's not broken. It still works very well, pumping right along. And I am ever grateful that it is big enough and strong enough to hold seemingly polar opposite states at the same time.

Would that we could give our teens that gift.

Memorial Day

2009-05-21T14:10:00.003-05:00

Memorial Day. Honoring those who have died in wars. My father was a fighter pilot in the Navy in WWII in the South Pacific. He didn't die...in fact, he was shot down by enemy fire and miraculously picked up by a submarine. How lucky can you get??? I've never thought much about Memorial Day until Iraq. Seeing the kids who have died over there has been so terribly sad.

When I think about it, my father was a kid when he went to war--age 19. I can't imagine. He doesn't like to talk about the War, but I do remember once when I asked him how he survived the fear, he said, "You would look around you at the other guys in the transport plane and know that half wouldn't come back--but you NEVER put yourself in that thought." Wow.

At Promise House, we've had a few young veterans in our transitional living program. And we've had several who joined the Armed Forces upon leaving our program. We've had a staff member's son in Iraq, and we now have a staff member in Iraq. So far, we've had no casualties. It gets closer and closer to home.

I can't help thinking of other "war" casualties closer to home. Kids who die at the hands of abusive adults, women who are beaten to death by spouse or boyfriend, teens who are sold into prostitution, teens who die on the streets from drug overdoses. I'd like to have an army to fight those wars....

But this Monday, we honor those who died in battle on our behalf. Whether we agree with war or not, think we should be engaged in wars or not, the fact that there are men and women willing to protect us from peril is pretty awesome.

I am also awed by the men and women who fight for kids--sometimes a seemingly hopeless battle. I am grateful for them, particularly when there is no end in sight. It takes alot of fortitude to keep fighting under those circumstances.

Running the Gauntlet for Money

2009-05-19T15:38:00.003-05:00

Why does it have to be so hard to get money to serve our clients?

This latest stimulus money, although wonderful to be able to access, is like giving your first-born child. How many people will you serve (reasonable), how many hours of case management (bordering on not reasonable), and break down case management hours into levels of case management given (totally ridiculous). How will you prioritize who gets funds (fairly reasonable). Describe unmet needs, target population, poverty rates, coordination of mainstream services, your history, services currently offered, address of building, square feet of building (???), types of services currently offered, total # of persons served annually, target group currently served, case management services currently ofered, staff positions providing direct services, plan for prioritizing services, unmet need data, needs and gaps in services, method to determine client eligibility, plan to develop policy and procedure manual and timeline for doing so, current system of evaluation, proposed evaluation of this project----all in three (3!), double-spaced, 1" margins, 11 font (smallest) pages (totally unreasonable) with headings and sub-headings (which take up space)! It's better than Saturday Night Live.

Somehow, I doubt President Obama has seen these RFPs (Requests for Proposals). And, my eternal bane, we get only 2.5% of the grant money to administer the grant.

Despite my groanings and moanings, we will once again run the gauntlet, with no guarantee of funding, and hope for the best.

Our young families need the help, and we cannot let them down.

Friday Fancy

2009-05-15T14:35:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I think I should make my blog fancier. You know, all the pictures, links, bells and whistles that other blogs have. I have no idea how to do any of that. But then I got to thinking. Why do I love reading so much? Because you have to use your mind's eye to visualize characters, places, motives. You have to imagine what a castle looks like or how the Secret Garden looks. That's why a great book can never really be a great movie. Movies just don't cut it like your imagination does.

These days, we don't have to think much, or use our imagination. Everything is so RIGHT IN OUR FACE. Pictures, videos, text, Twitter, Facebook, 24-hour news (ugh!). You don't have to wonder how someone looks or conjure up the motives and passions of characters in a story. It's all there ALL the time.

So, maybe it's ok with me that you actually have to read and think and conjure up images and imagine if you're going to read this blog.

So today I'd like you to imagine. I'd like you to read something instead of watching something. I'd like you to sit and ponder the fate of the world instead of listening to 24-hour CNN with banners running on both the top and the bottom, cause Lord knows having someone talking isn't enough!

See if you can go an evening without texting, without checking your email, Facebook, or whatever else you're hooked up to, or hooked on. And read a book--not on a Kindle--but a real paper book. Let yourself get lost.

You might be surprised at what you find!

My Friend Mitch

2009-05-13T13:15:00.004-05:00

I'm thinking about my friend Mitch. He lives in Austin and has been in this business of saving kids alot longer than I have. Way back in the 70's, when he was a real hippy, he went to work for a small emergency shelter called "Middle Earth". And over 30 years later, he's still at it, having served as a direct-care worker, manager, executive director, and now COO of the agency that was created when Middle Earth merged with five other agencies in Austin.

He was involved in the early years of the creation of the National Network for Youth, the Southwest Network of Youth Services, and the Texas Network of Youth Services. And probably most importantly, he has served as the auctioneer at the annual TNOYS conference for as long as I've known him. He wears his history lightly, seeming to never age and to never stop loving his work.

I'm thinking about Mitch because of something he said in his acceptance speech when he was awarded the "Lifetime Achievement Award" from the National Network for Youth a couple of years ago. He said he doesn't believe in burnout. But he does believe in "rust-out"--that is, when we let ourselves stop learning, stop being curious, stop wanting to hear the stories of our teens, get boring, start thinking of our work as a burden, or worse, just a job.

I'm thinking about this, because right now I am really tired and somewhat overwhelmed with the work ahead of me this month. And because I have suffered with "burnout" or "compassion fatigue" or "rust-out" periodically throughout my career. And then when I hear Mitch, after over 30 years, talk excitedly about plans for his agency, I am pretty humbled.

I'm really glad there are people like Mitch in our field. And people like Doris and Sonjia and Peggy at Promise House, whose many years of service have not diminished their commitment to teens and who still love teens and all their wacky ways.

I want to be like them when I grow up.

These Old Houses

2009-05-08T09:46:00.003-05:00

So, I'm having to have all the plumbing in my house re-done. When I moved in 20 years ago, I failed to notice that it had that crummy Quest (plastic) plumbing. I also failed to notice that a class-action law suit had been filed two years before I moved in against them for their leaking plumbing.

So, for 20 years, I've been plugging the dyke, one leak at a time, cause insurance won't cover replacement. Finally, though, after three major leaks this year, my plumber said, "So, are you going to wait til the ceiling falls in to fix this stuff?"

Then, I go through my self-recrimination ritual of, "I never should have bought this house--I shouldn't even be in a house--I hate maintenance, yard work, etc., whatever possessed me in the first place??? I've got to get out of here!!"

Then I look around my house and remember how much I love old houses. The stories they hold, the families they knew, the lives and deaths they witness. When we were about to close on this house, I was sitting in my daughter's room on her new bed imagining all the history that came before us--were there children, were people happy? And then I imagined all the history we would bring to the house. And that we did. Weddings, births, divorce, coming of age ceremonies, tears, laughter, the animal graveyard (Duncan, my golden running buddy; Amy, my angel cat; Zac, the flat-faced Persian that Leslie wrote funny poetry about; the bird Zac ate, gerbils, etc.). We have LIVED in that house.

I don't know how I will be able to leave this house. At one point I really wanted to pass it on to my daughters, like families used to do. That doesn't happen anymore. Staying in a house as long as I have is almost aberrant now.

So, what does this have to do with Promise House? Well, we have an Old House--the original PH, which is now Wesley Inn, our group home for homeless young mothers and their children. It is a money pit, just like my house. It is drafty, creaky, needs constant repair and maintenance, etc., etc. The expedient thing to do would be to tear it down and build a modern structure.

But that is our HOME. And it is homey, and cozy, and has character, and has history, and has stories to tell. How can we demolish that?? It has a soul and a heart--it was the heart of Promise House for many years.

I can't do it. It hurts just to think about it.

One More Lament

2009-05-05T09:20:00.002-05:00

So the mayors of the largest cities in Texas have gotten together to get $50,000,000 from the state to deal with homelessness--to be more exact, chronic homelessness. The Dallas Morning News is behind it, as stated in the leading editorial this morning.

Where is the $50m coming from? Who knows, but trust me, some prevention $$ somewhere will be cut to make it happen. The $3m that Dallas hopes to get will go primarily to The Bridge, the homeless assistance center, which has a $7million annual budget, which already gets $3.5million from the City of Dallas, which is also now going to get ALL of the County Emergency Shelter Grants funds (which used to be divided between 6 or 7 agencies that serve different homeless populations), which is also getting substantial funding from large foundations, which also does NOT serve familes or unaccompanied teens, which also serves only 10% of the homeless population, but which gets the lion's share of city, county, and now state funds allocated to the homeless.

Promise House receives $40,000 from the city through the Emergency Shelter Grant fund, none from the County (now that the Bridge gets it all--we used to get about $25,000 to pay utilities for our group home for homeless teen mothers), and none from the state. We serve over 7,000 teens and family members annually through prevention, intervention, and outreach services.

But the sqeaky wheel gets the grease, the loudest baby gets the most food, the important people get the ear of the king. And I mean the Bridge is a BIG baby that is in constant need of ALOT of food to keep it running and has many important people supporting it. Meanwhile, the rest of us who serve the majority of the homeless population (women with children, teens, families, battered women), are forgotten.

I am NOT saying we don't need the Bridge. What I AM saying is that we need attention paid to the entire homeless population, not just the chronically homeless. And we need to be honest about the impact of the Bridge on the funding that is available for the rest of us. If you have a never-ending $7million mouth to feed added to the already existing mouths to feed, and the $7million mouth is louder and more important than the others, someone will go hungry! And it won't be the Bridge!

The irony is this: as I continuously lament, we will never end chronic homelessness in Dallas or anywhere else until we provide intensive help to the thousands of young people aging out of foster care, the juvenile system, or who have been separated from their homes through no fault of their own. THEY ARE THE NEXT GENERATION OF CHRONICALLY HOMELESS ADULTS. It makes me want to pull every hair on my head out THAT NO ONE IN HIGH PLACES GETS THAT!!!

Somebody in a high place PLEASE get that, and PLEASE get that it takes money to help these kids.

I am getting pretty hoarse.

Family Stories

2009-05-04T13:00:00.003-05:00

I had dinner last night with my 87 year-old father. Unlike many 87 year-olds, my father has more energy than all of his kids combined. He is a horse breeder in Louisiana, has race horses, and still drives all over Louisiana and Texas. He is also a consumate story-teller. Funny, loud, never met a stranger, yarn spinner.

I wonder if kids ever stop being curious about their parents and loving to hear their stories. As with every other time I see my father, some family story gets told or retold, embellished or critiqued, catalogued once again in the family lore. Last night was the story of my dad and his business partner getting fired from the company at which they both worked--which led them to start a very successful business together. But at the time, they had 10 kids between them, and his partner's wife was the only one working. How they made it out of that mess is never revealed, but make it out they did. And,of course, the story was much better coming from him.

As I write this, I think of all the kids who have no family stories, or who have stories of abuse, neglect, abandonment. I think of how difficult it is without positive family stories for them to anchor to a healthy identity, to feel their place in the world, to feel the support of generations past. Kids who get bounced from one foster placement to another or from one shelter to another, kids who end up on the street, kids who don't know who their parents are.

For alot of our teens at Promise House, we are their anchor, their family story. I've often said that whatever it takes to raise a kid is what we do. And part of raising a kid is giving them a story--a good story of who they are, what they are capable of, and who supports them.

I am so indebted to my father for all the incredible stories he has shared with me. Because of him, I know who I am, I know my place in the world, and I know what I am capable of.

If we can give that gift to our teens, I think we will have been pretty good parents.

Friday Funk

2009-05-01T13:11:00.003-05:00

Friday. Listening to Bob Dylan. Ruminating on the week--it has been a tough one. I've had too many soul-sucking activities and duties, and I am pretty exhausted. Arguing with the state (always such fun), having to tell staff to cancel our big Cinco de Mayo event, keeping up with the influenza alerts, trying to make sense of the State Rapid Rehousing RFP, grants, grants, and more grants. Too little contact with our teens.

It's hard to keep arguing and fighting--I sometimes think that government people sit around and think of ways to make it totally impossible for us to deliver services. "Let's see. What can we do to Promise House this week to ensure they not only don't get their payment, but that they have to jump through 25 hoops for us." It gets very discouraging.

The other discouraging thing is that no one wants to fund operations. None of the stimulus package dollars can be used to help off-set any of our expenses in delivering the programs. So, in delivering the service, we have already lost money, even before we get it! Further, there are very few foundations or corporations that will fund operations. Most want to fund something new, or restrict their gift to something specific. So, we can have lots of new programs, but no electricity, water, or administrative staff!

Most of the time I can compartmentalize alot of the "garbage" stuff I have to deal with, but this week, it's been all week, and I'm beat.

So, I'm glad it's Friday. I'm going to go home and hide and pretend that all is right with the world. Then on Monday, I'll start again. And I'll persist. And we will keep saving kids.

Is This the One??

2009-04-30T10:03:00.003-05:00

Swine flu, influenza, pandemic. Wash your hands, cover your nose and mouth, don't gather in large groups. Schools shut down, events cancelled, people worried. What do we do if an employee gets sick? What do we do if one of our teens gets sick? Plans must be made and followed. The flow of life interrupted, the flow of work impeded, anxiety levels raised.

Level 5 on the WHO scale. Could this be the ONE? I certainly hope not--geez, with all our technical and medical advances, you would think we could stop this thing!

Is this being overblown? Is there something we are not being told? Is it germ warfare? I doubt the last two, and as for the first one, always better safe than sorry.

So we will do the best we can, follow protocol, get advice and guidance from our licensing people and Dallas County Health Department, and do what is before us this day.

Wash your hands, cover your nose and mouth when you cough or sneeze, then wash your hands again.

And try to live your life.

Pecan Trees and Teens

2009-04-28T07:59:00.003-05:00

My pecan tree finally leafed out. That's when I know spring is really here. Always the last to "bloom", casting a huge mess of whatevers all over my deck and my dogs right before the leaves show. And then, voila, overnight, it's in full leaf.

Seems to be a good metaphor for life. We wait and wait for something good to happen and many times have to clean up a big mess before we get to the good stuff. And then, voila, overnight there it is. What happens when you don't want to clean up the mess? Well, as someone said (me), it follows you around in a U-Haul trailer so that wherever you are, there's your mess.

Teenagers don't like to clean up messes. They like to make them. They think if they just walk away, the mess will disappear, or someone else will clean it up, because it was someone else's fault that the mess was there in the first place. Makes perfect sense to them.

Our job is to help them clean up, to help them see the consequences if they don't clean up. Most of the teens at PH have big messes that they are just now trying to clean up, after dodging them for years. Some have been on the street, some have been in jail, some have been in abusive relationships, some have been the abusers. But for each of them, our goal is for them to look the mess square in the face and do whatever it takes to fix it. That is not always easy, as teens are famous for blaming someone else for their troubles.

If we are successful, one day (seemingly overnight), they get it and the whole tree leafs out. They finish school, get a job, learn how to be a great parent, refuse to be in an abusive relationship, take responsibility for their lives--and the mess is history.

I think that is worth waiting for.

Rain, Rain

2009-04-27T08:59:00.003-05:00

Man, what a mess of a morning. Thunder, lightening, rain, rain, rain. My dogs having a conniption fit, lost power three times trying to get ready. Had to be at an Honors breakfast for my daughter at 7:30 a.m., and of course, she wasn't ready. And dogs underfoot, freaking out every time it lightninged or thundered. Trying to put makeup on in the dark--hope to the Lord I have my clothes on right-side out.

I know I should be grateful for the rain--we need it. But I really hate it. When I was a kid, rain meant my father couldn't work, and he was pretty grouchy about that. Rain makes ease of movement difficult. It makes drivers who on a normal day are marginal, idiots. It makes cute puppy paws monstrous mud clods. It makes my kitchen floor that I have to continuously clean anyway because of the dogs, one big mud slide. It makes my 100 year-old house shift in ways I never dreamed possible--it's always a surprise which door will open and which one won't. And if I lose power, it makes my garage door opener a lead weight, which I have to open manually, which is just one more inconvenience.......Blah, blah, blah.

Sounds pretty trivial, I know. But sometimes you just have to vent.

I watch people dealing with the rain as they wait for buses, walk to where they have to be, herd children to school on foot, carry groceries home with no umbrella, search for a dry place to wait it out. Then I feel really bad about being so gripy about rain. Life is a real struggle for them every day, not just when it rains. When I think of our young mothers having to get up at 6:00 a.m., get their kids ready, get them to daycare, and then ride public transportation to their job or school--in the rain and thunder and lightening--that will tend to shut me up.

I really have nothing to gripe about. But you know, sometimes you just have to vent.....

Rain, rain go away. Come again some other day---when I can hide under my covers and wait it out!

Happy Birthday Promise House

2009-04-24T08:38:00.003-05:00

Promise House began its 25th year of existence this month.

In 1984 I was in Commerce, TX working on my doctorate in family therapy at what is now Texas A&M Commerce. I had a 4 year-old daughter who got dragged to classes, group therapy, parties, and radical feminist lectures--it was hard to find babysitters in that town. Feminist family therapy had just come into its own, and I was a true believer. Marianne Walters, Gloria Steinem, Olga Silverstein, and Betty Carter were my "sheroes". Journey, Don Henley, the Eagles, Brian Adams, Abba, and Bob Dylan were staples of every party. The Kerrville Folk Festival was a "must attend" every May. My daughter, Kat, was a "mini-hippy", singing along with all the folk music. Peter, Paul, and Mary were the headliners that year. Steel Magnolias was the heart-breaker movie of the year. Definitely some of the most exciting years of my life. Learning, teaching, practicing, philosophising, "blazing frontiers".

I had no idea what "youth services" was, and would not have wanted to know, anyway. I was laser focused on becoming a famous feminist family therapist, joining the ranks of my sheroes.

Meanwhile, a small group of people from Lovers Lane United Methodist Church in Dallas decided they needed a mission. They wanted to focus on an underserved population in an underserved area of Dallas. They picked runaway teens in Oak Cliff, found an old blue house and bought it, figured out how to write a federal grant (a miracle), and birthed Promise House, a 16-bed emergency shelter for runaway teens.

Over the last 25 years, Promise House has served almost 60,000 teens and family members. It has grown from that small shelter to a multi-service agency providing 10 large programs for runaway, homeless, and at-risk teens. In 1997, on a wing and a prayer, a brand new building was complete, and the original "house" became Wesley Inn, our group home for homeless pregnant and parenting teens.

My hat is perpetually off to Betty and George Hyde, founding members of the board, who are still very involved in the agency. Their vision has sustained us over these many years. Lynn Stallings, another early disciple, should get the "Quiet Superman" award for his unwavering support and his building and "fix-it" expertise.

So, between 1984 and now, what was I doing? Well, finishing my doctorate, moving to Dallas, setting up private practice, getting married, having a baby, teaching and supervising therapists, getting divorced. How did I get to Promise House? Who knows, really--fate, circumstances, life, destiny.

I've now been at PH for 11 years--this month. I've been President for eight of those years. I will be forever grateful and imprinted upon Greg Hesse and Patty O'Neil for their support and guidance during those first tough years.

So what happened to me becoming a famous family therapist? I fell in love with teenagers, especially the ones noone likes. As we say at PH alot, "They get under your skin". For years, when things were difficult in the job, I would keep private practice on the back burner as my "out". But I can't leave these kids, this incredible staff, board of directors, and supporters. The cause is worthy, the battle necessary. And you know how I love a good fight.

So, happy birthday PH. You should have 60,000 candles on your cake.