Fourteen Years

So, besides being tax day, April 15 is my anniversary with Promise House.

Fourteen (14) years, 11 of which I have served as President. I started in April of 1998. Leslie was 8 years old, Kat was 18. I used to pick Les up from school and bring her to PH for the afternoon. We barely had computers, had no email, no computer games, iPads, or iPhones, so she amused herself drawing and messing up my office.

1998 was Kat's senior year at Arts Magnet. We were busy finishing college apps and waiting nervously for acceptance letters. She had done Senior Showcase, and probably Prom by that time. Her graduation was one of the coolest I've ever attended----a little over a month after my first day at PH.

Fourteen years. I cannot get my head around it. WHERE has the time gone?

Funny, I don't gauge my time at PH so much by the milestones there, but by personal milestones, primarily of my girls. And my mind stays boggled at what 14 years has brought.

Leslie went through elementary, middle, and high school, graduating with top honors from Bishop Dunne and is now 21 and a junior at The University of Texas at Austin, majoring in photojournalism.

Kat graduated from Arts, then Austin College, moved to Austin, met Dan, fell in love, got married, and promptly moved to London for graduate school in theatre. She is now back in Austin with her own non-profit theatre company serving incarcerated women.

And me? Well, I stayed the course, cheering them on (and, yes, sometimes living vicariously through them), keeping the home fires burning, visiting them in weird places, keeping the animals alive (mostly), and becoming the "older generation" in our neighborhood.

But what ABOUT Promise House? My other child, as some would say. What has 14 years brought? Well, email for one thing, and great computers, iPhones, and up-to-date technology. They have brought new programs, ended others, borne mighty struggles for survival, and witnessed unprecedented highs. They have brought awards, disappointments, great joys, and great sorrows. The years have ushered in fabulous new employees and ushered others out. Most importantly, they have, year after year, placed hundreds of desperate teens and families at our door.

As I've watch my girls grow and change, I've watched PH do the same. As the teens we serve have changed, so have our programs. As the depth of their problems and sorrows has increased, we have changed and grown to help them. And, no doubt, we will continue to do so for many years to come.

And me? Well, I'm staying the course, cheering us on, hoping to be of service, struggling at times with the enormity of our responsibility, trying to keep hope alive for these kids.....

And we shall see what the 15th year brings. For Leslie, for Kat, for PH......for me.

Facing the Void

So, I am cleaning out my house. Closet by closet, every drawer, every cabinet, cubby hole, nook and cranny. Luckily, I have the help of 2 friends who have an “organizing” business. I am by no means a “collector”, but I am amazed at the amount of STUFF that has accumulated over 25 years in that house.

As excited as I am about lightening my load, I feel myself strangely unmoored in the process. Getting rid of vestiges of the past is surprisingly unsettling and more difficult than I had imagined. Everything I see or touch has connections to me, my children, ex-husbands, dogs, cats—most of whom are ghosts long gone. The pantry where Leslie and Sara played, the now useless Walt Disney VHS Movies, the children’s books that I read to my girls, school uniforms, class pictures, soccer socks, dress-up clothes, the doll house in the attic…….each of these relics tugs at my heart and begs to be saved from destruction. What will happen when they are gone? Will that piece of my life disappear, will I lose the memories without the physical touchstones they provide? What will fill the void?

And speaking of voids, I can’t help but think of our teens during this process. Many show up with only a trash bag of belongings. No past relics to remind them of who they are, no photos, no connection to their former lives. I can’t imagine how unmoored they must feel, how disconnected. Luckily for them, we can be the touchstone they need to build good memories, to build a positive past, present, and future, and to come home to.

I’m surprised at my reaction to cleaning out my house, but keeping the most important relics will help me get through it. I hope that is what we help our teens do…..ferret out and keep the most important relics from their pasts to guide their present and future—whether they be physical items, memories, hopes, or dreams. If we accomplish that, we will surely have filled that void of disconnectedness that all of our teens struggle with.

Have a great week!

What is Your Elevator Speech

What is your elevator speech?

Promise House has struggled with this for years.


How do we say what we do in a compelling, meaningful, impactful 30 second blip? I know we can't be the only agency struggling with this; particularly those of us who offer a myriad of services not only to teens, but to adults and families.


So, when someone asks me, "What is Promise House?", my first thought is, "Oh, god, here I go again......how can I do this without their eyes glazing over???"


Options:
"We drag kids off the street and save them".....a bit drastic.
"We shelter homeless, runaway, and at-risk teens"..........BORING.
"We embrace homeless, runaway, and at-risk teens, giving them individualized skills, encouragement, and hope to live a better life".......too long and a bit touchy-feely, even if it is our mission statement!
"We serve kids in crisis".......too short and doesn't tell the whole story.
"We offer a myriad of services for runaway, homeless, and at-risk teens"........again, true but boring.


You get my drift?

How do we get to the heart of what we do? How do we describe in 30 seconds the transformation we see EVERY day with kids who come to us with literally nothing and leave with an education, a job, money, an apartment, and most importantly, self confidence and hope for the future?

How do we say in an elevator ride that the young homeless parents who come to us become GREAT parents, breaking the cycle of poverty, homelessness, repeat pregnancies, and child abuse?

What are 25 words or less than can describe the energy, the creativity, the passion, and the beauty that are embodied in the teens with whom we work?

How do we change people's perceptions about teens in general, and in particular the teens we serve, in two sentences?

I'm stumped. Ideas are welcome.

What is YOUR elevator speech?

Same Old

So, here's a funny. Over the weekend, I was called at 12:30 a.m. Sunday morning to help the overnight shelter staff find the fire alarm key to disarm the alarm that had been pulled by a 9-year-old resident. The firefighters were going to break down the door of the office where the key was, so I decided to high-tail it up there.

I got to the shelter, unlocked the office, found the fire alarm key, gave it to the firefighters, laughed with them a bit about the false alarm (what IS it about firefighters that is SO engaging?), and then asked about the youngster who had pulled the alarm.

Upon learning his name, I wandered over to him and asked how he was doing. Crying, he said, "Not good." Me: "Why?" Him: "Cause I was trying to escape to find my mamaw." Me: "Did you pull the alarm?" Him: "No." Hmmmmm.......

Then he looks at me for the first time with tears running down his face and says, "You my mamaw!" Me: "You mean I look like her?" Him: "Yeah. Same old."

SAME OLD???? SAME OLD???? Now, I have to admit, I did NOT look my best after rolling out of bed to get here, but really? OLD???

Actually, I thought it was HILARIOUS. Only out of the mouths of kids would something like that come.

When I saw him the next day, he wasn't in a much better mood, but he did remember me. I was tempted to ask him if he thought I still looked "old", but decided not to risk it!

Gotta love 'em.

The Ask

My father used to say about his mother, who was a Republican National Committeewoman for years in Arkansas (and who tirelessly worked to get women out to vote), that you never wanted to start a conversation with her, because she would corner you and start asking for money for the Republican Party. I have a feeling my friends and family may be feeling the same way about me!

In my role as President of PH, I certainly have my hand out a lot. And here I am again, touting the golf tournament and auction, asking each of you to dig deep in support of our teens. Asking never gets easier for me. I get the “willies” just like anyone else when it comes to asking folks I know for money. BUT, and it is a very big but, the cause for which I am asking is SO critical and SO important to the future, not only of the teens we serve, but of our community, our state, our nation, that it overrides the fear.

So I am asking. I’m asking my board members, my staff, my friends, my colleagues, my neighbors. I’m asking that you sponsor the tournament. I’m asking that you give us names of potential sponsors. I’m asking that you bid on the auction. I’m asking that you secure auction items for us to add to the auction. I’m asking, and I’m offering you the opportunity to save a teen’s life, to give him hope for a bright future, to help her become a productive and independent citizen of our community.

I’m asking and I’m going to keep on asking. I’ll try not to corner you, however.

Have a great weekend. It’s supposed to be beautiful!

Inspiration Amidst Trial and Tribulation

Amidst all the tribulations of budget cuts, program cuts, outrageous bills being passed, and general dismal news, there are still great and inspirational things happening every day in the non-profit world, facilitated by incredible people. Promise House was recently on the receiving end of one such event.

There is a group in Dallas called The Real Estate Council (TREC), whose members are not only realtors, but other folks that support the industry i.e. attorneys, architects, electrical contractors, etc. Within the group is an Associate Leadership Class, made up of young, promising men and women in the profession. Every year, this class takes on a BIG capital project for a non-profit, and THIS year, Promise House was their beneficiary.

What they did was totally amazing. Our proposal to them was to build a 2,000 square foot storage facility in which to house donations for all of our programs. Well, when they got to Promise House and saw that ½ of the upstairs in our main building was still not finished out, they decided the storage building was not enough, and that they wanted to finish out half of that space as well, for us to use for our teens.

SOOOO, not only did they build our 2,000 square foot storage facility (and build side-walks, plant grass and flowers, and clean up the play area), they TOTALLY created and finished out two rooms upstairs, one for a “store” for our clients and the other (very large) for a multipurpose room for our teens. They erected walls, sheet-rocked and painted, put in HVAC, lighting, carpet, and whatever else was needed to get us green-tagged by the city. Their contribution to PH ended up being well over $100,000.

AND at the dedication ceremony last week, THEY thanked US for being able to do the project for PH! How cool is that??

We have always loved our volunteers, and this project is a very big reason why. Promise House could not do what we do without the help of passionate, committed, creative, and talented volunteers.

I know each of you has similar inspirational stories to tell. I would love to hear them!

The Story Seekers

While I was in Austin last week, I had the privilege of seeing my daughter, Kat’s, new play, The Story Seekers. She wrote the play specifically to fit the grounds of the Elizabet Ney Museum in Hyde Park. What a fabulous scene! The museum itself looks like a castle, and it is set on fantastical grounds with foot bridges, creeks, tree swings, and winding paths—PERFECT for the fantasy she wrote.

The story involves a princess, a Story Teller, and lost children. The princess, Bet, is about to be killed by a mean General who has taken over the kingdom and dictated that NO stories will ever be told again. The kingdom must live only in the present and future—no history allowed! The Story Teller saves her by taking her to a magical place where there are only children. The trick, however, is that he takes their life stories and changes them as he pleases; and only HE can tell stories in this land. The longer they stay with him, the more they forget their stories, until they no longer even know who they were, where they came from, or what their names were.

Of course, two of the children (along with Bet) outsmart the Story Teller, take their stories back, send him running, and restore Bet to her kingdom (very short synopsis of the outcome).

I was so struck watching this fantastical play at the powerful metaphor of stories. I’ve said so many times how difficult it is for the teens at Promise House to maintain their history, to know and remember their stories; and how important we are in anchoring them to a GOOD and HOPEFUL story. I know this is why so many stay in touch with us. We ARE their story. We ARE their history. We ARE the beginning of their GOOD story.

So many of our kids have had their stories stolen, changed, convoluted, erased, forgotten, or damaged by years in the system, moving from place to place, being abused, being lied to, being forgotten. Thank god we can reconnect them, or connect them back to themselves. Hallelujah for stories and for the power to influence them in positive ways.

Aside from the fact that I think Kat is a genius and incredibly talented (where DID she get that??), I am so grateful to have been able to see this fun, magical, and powerful play. It re-confirmed for me how important our work at Promise House is and how fortunate we are to be in the presence of such great young people, my daughter included.

What is YOUR story? How do you keep it alive?

A Different Side of the Super Bowl

As all of you know, the Super Bowl is coming to Dallas. Well here’s a side to it that you never hear about….at least publically. My V.P. of Programs, Alex, was contacted this week by the Child Exploitation Unit of the Dallas Police Department for Promise House to be a shelter for under-age prostitutes that get picked up during the Super Bowl. I’ve been haunted thinking about this discussion and the numbers of prostitutes that will be brought in for the Super Bowl. Is this Las Vegas or something? Geez, I simply cannot get my head around this kind of blatant, slimy, behavior engaged in by so many people. The even more horrific thought is the number of under-age prostitutes, both girls and boys, who will brought in to be used and abused.

Promise House is no stranger to helping prostitutes, both under-age and young adults. Thankfully, not in the numbers that are projected to be dealt with during the Super Bowl, but still, the issues are the same. So many get caught up in it simply trying to survive, trying to get something to eat, have someplace to stay. Teens (both boys and girls) 18 and under on the street will be approached by a “pimp” within 48 hours of “arriving” on the street. Lost, hungry, and confused, they get lured in and the downward spiral begins. They are objectified, bought, sold, used and abused in horrific ways.

Thankfully, the Dallas Police Department is beginning to understand the fact that under-age prostitutes are victims, not criminals. Letot Center, the shelter run by the Juvenile Justice Department here in town, is doing some great work with these kids. Instead of being arrested, these kids are now brought to Letot for special programming and help. This is what we will be doing during the Super Bowl. We have no idea how many will come to Promise House, but I’ll let you know how it goes.

These kids are someone’s children. They had hopes and dreams. They didn’t say when they were little, “Gee, I think I want to be on the street and become a prostitute when I grow up.” They certainly didn’t say, “I’m looking forward to being bought and sold and used and abused when I grow up.” They’ve had their childhoods and youth snatched from them in the most traumatic way. Hopefully, while they are with us, we can give them back a little of that youth and some of their hopes and dreams. At the very least, we can offer them a warm bed, good food, clean clothes, a shower, and a listening ear…..all with no strings attached.

Wish us luck.

2011 New Years Resolutions for our Government

Happy New Year, Everyone!

During the holidays, I came up with a small list of resolutions our government should make in 2011 regarding the plight of homeless and runaway teens in our country:

Housing – The US Department of Housing and Urban Development and the Department of Health and Human Services (ACYF/FYSB) should get together to offer funding for housing and support services for our teens. HUD should re-open funds for transitional housing, which is critical for the success of our teens—they are NOT chronically homeless and most do not have a severe enough disability to be eligible for permanent supportive housing—and DHHS, through the Family Youth Services Bureau should offer funds for support services directly linked to the housing funds. These services would include case management, food, clothing, furnishings, medical and dental, family planning, and everything else we all currently provide for these kids. So, come on HUD and DHHS, what do you say???

Top Billing – Homeless and runaway teens and young adults should be DHHS’ and HUD’s top priority. They should resolve that in order to truly end homelessness in this country, these kids will be a priority focus this coming year and for at least the next 10 years.

Congressional Resolve – Both houses of Congress should resolve to end their neglect of these kids, as demonstrated by the paltry funding that continues to be dedicated to them, by resolving to dramatically increase funding to the Runaway/Homeless Youth Act, to transitional housing funds through HUD, and to other programs that serve these teens.

I’m sure there are many more I could up with, but these will do for a start. My BIG question to the Universe, Congress, and anyone else who will listen is, “When will we get that helping young people get off the streets is SOOOOO much cheaper and SOOOO much more effective than waiting until they are 45, addicted to everything on earth, in horrible health, with terrible mental health conditions?? It is SUCH a no-brainer for me,

Unfortunately, I know that I am preaching to the choir here. You all know the story. You see it every day. Somehow, we need to find the time and the voice to make sure that our government knows the story, that they see it EVERY day, and that they DO NOT ignore this most important story.

So, perhaps our New Year’s resolution should be to be the VERY loud, SQEAKY wheel that gets the grease!

Happy LOUD, SQUEAKY New Year!!!

The Best Christmas Tree Ever

I’ve been partying so heartily this month that I completely forgot about blogging. But last Wednesday as we were decorating the Promise House Christmas Tree, I once again became awe-struck by the ability of our teens to be……just kids; and was inspired to tell you.

As we pulled out the decorations, decided how to do the lights, discussed which ornaments to put where, and ate pounds of popcorn, all the trauma, sadness, instability, abuse, fear, and uncertainty of their lives took a very backseat to the fun of the hour. We had babies, toddlers, tweens, teens, young adults, and us old staffers laughing, talking, decorating, and eating together as the tree blossomed into probably our best Christmas Tree Ever!

Even the shy ones got in on the act. With a little coaxing, a very timid 15-year old girl, who hates crowds, accepted the ornaments I brought her and found just the right spot on the tree for them. The older teens were helping the young kids reach to new heights (literally) while the toddlers wobbled around playing with and dropping the shatter-proof (thank goodness) ornaments.

When completed, the tree shone like magic and the kids, stuffed with popcorn and good cheer, shone right along with it. A good time was had by all.

I’ve often said that one of our most important roles in the lives of our kids is to be an anchor in their many-times stormy lives. Although we facilitate family visits, parties, overnight stays, and gift giving during the holidays with our teens and their families, there are always those kids who have no family, whose families fail to show or who disappoint, or kids who can’t be with their family for a variety of reasons. Consequently, it is experiences like the one we shared last Wednesday that serve as the anchor for them; that help them remember they are cared about, even loved. Hopefully, some day when these kids are grown and decorating their own Christmas trees with their families, they will fondly remember a long-ago day of tree decorating at Promise House…..and the sanctuary provided for them on that day.

That is the best Christmas gift for which we could ever hope!

Flavors of the Feast

Tomorrow, as I make cornbread dressing and cranberry-orange relish for Thanksgiving (my brother is doing the turkey, thank god!), my thoughts will drift to Thanksgivings long past. Voices and images from those times will appear, some randomly, some triggered by a task, an aroma, a taste, some newly escaped from the cobwebs of my brain: the pre-dinner ritual of polishing silver, washing crystal and china, setting the table just so; my grandmother, Hattye, grinding cranberries and oranges with her ancient grinder (man, I wish I had that grinder!), my mother baking and then drying bread for dressing, the chop, chop, chopping of onion and celery, the constant tasting of everything, and the ambrosia.....food for the gods. Each of these memories flavor this year's delectables, are talked about again and again, and with the talking, are passed on to my daughters for future Thanksgiving dinners.

I wonder if we even know how profound the traditions we create as families are. How crucial they are to our children's lives, to their growth, to their sense of belonging. And how devastating it is when there are none to which a child can anchor himself or herself. I can't imagine not being able to draw from the incredibly rich traditions and stories of my family, not having that history to add girth and foundation to my history, having no backdrop for my life.

And yet, there are thousands upon thousands of kids who come to us every year totally unmoored from family, from their history, from anything positive to draw upon. And as their temporary sanctuaries, it is our job to BE that anchor, that history, that positive; to create memories and traditions that will live on in them, that will give them stories they want to tell their children, traditions they want to emulate.

Thanksgiving is a very big tradition at Promise House.....every year.....and this year will be no different. There will be tons of food, fun, and memories-in-the-making; so that on some future day, when one of our teens is fixing his or her family's Thanksgiving dinner, voices and images of a happy, long-past Thanksgiving at Promise House will appear and will flavor their feast.

Two Girls, Two Worlds, One Desitnation

So, my darling daughter, Leslie, goes back to Austin to begin her sophomore year at UT on August 18. It’s been a bit of a bumpy summer for both of us, but all will end well. Lorena, Promise House's star Valedictorian of Carter High School, who has lived with us in our Transitional Living program since January, is also going to Austin in August to begin her freshman year at UT.

These two girls could not have come from any more different worlds; Leslie, somewhat spoiled (actually spoiled rotten!), pampered, dearly loved, bright, with many great things handed to her in life; Lorena, abused, passed from relative to relative, fighting for every good thing she has accomplished. And yet…..they are both teenagers, they are both brilliant, courageous young women…..their hopes, dreams, ambitions, fears, anxieties, are very similar. They both have to get “stuff” ready for their dorm room and apartment. They both had to get registered, will have to get books, will have to manage their schedules, their social lives, their money. They both will be navigating unfamiliar territory (Leslie is changing majors).

As different as the worlds from which they come are, they will be in the same world at UT—the great equalizer. Leslie will have me to call with emergencies, sorrows, joys, accomplishments, challenges, problems. Who will Lorena call? She will call US. She knows she can call Regina, her Program Manager or Sherlyn, her case manager or me or anyone here at Promise House anytime with any question, problem, accomplishment, great news, etc.

For holidays, Leslie will come to her home. Where will Lorena go? She will come to her home…..with Promise House. We have reserved a room for her in one of the TLP houses, so that she will always have a place to come home to while she is in college. And, she will help mentor the younger girls in the house while she is home. Pretty darn cool, huh? Chokes me up a bit.

I don’t know if Lorena has gone shopping for her dorm stuff, yet, but I know Regina and Sherlyn will get that done with her. I’ve told them that if they need my help getting Lorena down to Austin to let me know. Leslie and I will be going anyway, and I’m sure we can cram some more stuff in one of our cars.

I’m tellin’ you…….I just love my job.

Sometimes It's Really Hard to Say Goodbye

Ashley had been with us in the shelter for about three months. She left today, and we are all sad, hopeful, and anxiously awaiting news of how she does with her mom.

Ashley came to us from a foster placement, because her foster parent could not handle both Ashley and her baby. So, Ashley stayed with us and the baby in foster care (I’m not sure why they would not place her and the baby with us), but luckily, Ashley got to see her baby regularly.

She made great strides while with us. She graduated from High School, became a leader among her peers, got a job with the Texas Network of Youth Services interviewing homeless teens for a research study, worked hard in counseling, got stabilized on the correct meds, and we all fell in love with her.

Since she is in the custody of Child Protective Services, it is their decision as to her next placement. We tried to get them to place her and her baby with us at Wesley Inn, but evidently, she still has life skills she needs to acquire before they will reunite her and her baby. At any rate, if she does well with her mom in the next several months, CPS has said she can have the baby back. Of course, we’ve told her to call us at any time if she needs us, and Alex met with her and gave her all sorts of fatherly advice (take your meds, don’t get in trouble, call us if you need us, etc.).

So say a prayer, send a good thought, or do whatever you do to hope for good things for this child. Cause that’s what she is, and she has become our child over the last three months. And….it’s very hard to let her go…..and sometimes it's just really hard to say goodbye.

We're Crowing!!

Promise House has lots to crow about lately. Like proud parents, we are bursting at the seams with pride over the success of our graduates! Huge congratulations go out to the following teens for their commitment, tenacity, courage, and brilliance in overcoming countless obstacles and challenges to reach their goals:

Lorena - Valedictorian of Carter High School - Attending UT Austin in the fall with FULL scholarship!!

Courtney - Graduated from Duncanville High School and will attend community college in the fall.

Mustaque - Graduated from Grand Prairie High School. He would have been Salutatorian of his class except for the disruption to his classes while he was on the street. He will attend the University of Illinois on FULL scholarship!!

Shanqwuisia - Completed her GED

Ashley - Graduated from High School

Joseph - Graduated from DeSoto High School

Shanita - Graduated from Dental Assistant School

Congratulations go out, also, to the Promise House staff who work directly with these teens every day. It is because of your belief in their promise that each of these teens was able to succeed. I hope you know what a powerful presence in their lives you are.

I've said so many times how much we love these kids. Teens get such a bad rap on so many levels. Yet, here is living proof of the unstoppable spirit and strength of even the most challenged.

We expect great things from each of our teens. And if they stay with us, work the program, do the deal, they succeed beyond their wildest imaginings.

I've often said that we have future astronauts, artists, architects, teachers, actors, and even a U.S. President or two at Promise House. Well, I think Lorena may just end up in the White House as the first female U.S. President. Wouldn't that be something (but no pressure, Lorena!).

Whatever these kids choose for their futures, they will succeed. And most importantly, I know they will lend a helping hand to kids coming up behind them bearing similar burdens, facing similar challenges.

THAT is TRUE success.

The Building is on Fire!

Grim news for kids aging out of Foster Care. A recent study (Youth Today's most recent issue) of 600 midwestern foster care alumni who were tracked beginning at age 17, and who are now 23, showed the following results:

1. 94% did not have even a two-year college diploma.
2. Over 1/2 were unemployed.
3. Eight in ten males had been arrested at least once.
4. 2/3 of the young women had at least one child.
5. 44% of males were responsible for parenting a child.
6. 1/4 had been homeless at least one time.
7. Over 1/2 had serious, untreated mental health issues.

Geez....where do I begin? We have been hearing similar statistics in the youth services field for years, so the results of this study are no surprise to me. What continues to surprise me, however, is how totally unresponsive government and the private sector continue to be regarding the plight of these kids. It truly baffles my mind on a daily basis how we think we can really end homelessness without attending to these kids. How many different ways do you have to say, "FIRE!" before people finally start to leave the building?! These kids are burning right before our very eyes, and we just continue to sit around and pretend they don't exist. Will SOMEONE please explain that to me????

My last blog post had a long list of "what needs to happen to solve this problem", so I won't go into that again. What I will say again is that these are kids who were supposed to be taken care of by the state, who were removed from their homes through no fault of their own, who were bounced around their entire lives, who were caught in the unbelievable web of bureaucracy that is government, and then who were flung from the web and told to fly......but given no wings with which to do it. It makes my head explode.

How can we as a nation be so uncaring? How can we continue to allow our legislatures to cut critically needed services for these kids, or even worse, ignore the fact that services like transitional living programs are so desperately needed?

Sometime I'd like to do an informal study. I'd like to sit a group of people down and show them various slides of animals, babies, children, teens, and young adults......all of whom needed rescuing from some type of abusive or life-threatening situation. I would bet my house that teens and young adults would be the LEAST chosen group to be saved. We care more about puppies than we do these kids!

Until we face THAT reality, the reality that as a whole, we just don't really like teens, especially those who look weird or scary or angry; or at the least, we just don't think about them at all when we think of groups that need help; until we face that and the fact that even though we may not like them, they still need our help; and the reality that up to 48% of chronically homeless adults have history in the foster care system (if you don't like them as teens, wait til you get to deal with them as chronically substance abusing, mentally ill adults!), I guess we'll just keep pretending the building is not really on fire.,

As for me, I'm leaving the building! I hope some of you will come with me.

Cinco de Mayo and Immigration

Promise House had a rockin' Cinco de Mayo celebration on Tuesday. Over 300 children, teens, and adults enjoyed music, dance, fabulous food, and inspiration from our Citycouncilwoman Delia Jasso and State Representative Roberto Alonzo.

As I sat enjoying the festivities and visiting with guests, I couldn't help but wonder if near this many people would have come to such a celebration in Arizona? After all, we had several police officers stop by to visit, as well as an officer patrolling our parking lot for safety.

How much fear and loathing the Arizona bill has already caused. How much more it will cause as arrests are made, lawsuits filed, protests continue. How much more polarizing politics will become as each side digs in their heels, blames the other for whatever happens, postures for reporters, and debates, debates, debates. Meanwhile, people suffer. People hide. People become suspicious. People worry. People fear other people.

I don't have an answer to the immigration issue. I just know THIS is NOT it. Promise House welcomes teens and families for services with no questions asked......no questions about income, legal or illegal status, ability to pay, or even sometimes where they live. We are so fortunate to have funding that allows us to offer services at no charge to any of our clients; and we just never have asked any of the other questions. Our goal is to embrace whoever needs help.

I worry that even though this is not Arizona, fear may keep people from seeking the help they need. That is so unfortunate. I feel like putting a sign on the door in Spanish saying, "We ask no questions" or something.....to let everyone know they are safe with us.

After all, we are here to mitigate suffering, not cause it. I have seen the ramifications of parents being deported with their children left behind. I have seen the trauma caused by teens transported across the border illegally for trafficking. And I have seen first hand the struggle of some of our clients to become citizens....to do the right thing....and the enormity of the obstacles placed in front of them. We are not a very friendly country to immigrants...period. Even though we ARE a country of immigrants.....go figure.

Honestly, I am ambivalent about the issue. I really see both sides and don't have a solid opinion either way. I just see the suffering and feel the loss and sadness of those who get caught in the web of the issue. That's all.

As I watched all 300 people having such a good time on Tuesday, I was just so grateful that we weren't in Arizona.

Who Protects Teens?

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month.

When we hear "child abuse", we normally associate it with young children. However, there is a large group of kids that is mostly ignored who endure many kinds of abuse from family members, peers, institutions, churches, and communities. Teens continue to be left out of the child abuse discussion; and yet, 95% of the teens who come to Promise House have experienced some form of abuse....recently....not just when they were young. Abuses such as: being hit or slapped by a parent repeatedly; sexual assault by a parent, step-parent, family acquaintance, or peer; being kicked out of their home because they are gay or lesbian, or pregnant, or are old enough to "fend for themselves"; being "pimped out" by parents or other adults; living with drug addicted adults; being used as "drug runners".....the list goes on and on.

Why does concern for kids stop at age 13? Where are the systems to protect these young people? Child Protective Services rarely rates an abuse call about a teen as Priority 1--partly due to the overwhelming number of abuse cases, period. I guess they figure teens have a better chance of saving themselves than does a child. BUT, and this is a BIG but.....that is rarely the case. Very few teens are actually able to escape an abusive situation on their own---think about it---where are they going to go, besides the street??

I've said it many times....just because teens have grown-up bodies.....it doesn't mean they are grown up. They still love getting stuffed animals when they come here; love being read to, getting their hair brushed, doing "make believe" nails and hair, playing silly games. They still cry at night, are still scared of the dark, still have bad dreams. They are kids. Yes, they are big....sometimes REALLY big....but they are kids....in need of protection.

Please remember them in the discussions about child abuse this month. And, please remember, they need our protection EVERY month, not just in Child Abuse Prevention Month.

New Beginnings

Today is March 1, and that means Spring can't be that far away! I learned this morning that Daylight Savings Time starts Sunday, March 14, AND I saw jonquils blooming yesterday. Now, I know that I could never be so lucky as to think we won't have any more crummy weather. But, by the time March gets here, I feel like there is at least light at the end of the tunnel. Sun is shining today, and that is ALWAYS good news.

We associate Spring with new beginnings, new life, hope. My father always has a bunch of new foals in the Spring, hibernating animals venture forth with their new families, rivers swell with melting ice, grass grows, leaves turn green, flowers bloom.....the earth wakes up. What a burst of life!

And speaking of new beginnings and a new life, I just heard from one of our case managers that she is moving to Austin to work with foster kids who are aging out of the care of the Department of Family and Protective Services. She is a former foster youth herself and has an incredibly deep passion to help these aging-out teens know what services are available to them as they transition from the care of the state to being on their own.

Did you know that foster teens are eligible for tuition waivers for college? Or that they are supposed to get a transition allowance? Or that they can stay in care as long as they are in school if they want to? Or, that they can go back into care once they have aged out if they find they aren't making it on their own? Most foster teens have no idea that these services are available to them. There are a myriad of reasons for this, but Courtney, our case manager, knows EVERY service for which they are eligible.

Although her moving to Austin is a real loss for us, she is living her dream and will have such a meaningful impact on the lives of young people in the foster care system. She came to see me today to thank me for the opportunity to work with our teens at Promise House. I think we are the lucky ones. With her heart and passion for this work, she will go far.

What a thrill it is for me to see our young employees progress through their careers. Even though Promise House is many times the first stop on their ladder to success, watching them gain experience, confidence, and expertise here that they will carry with them throughout their careers is well worth it.

Like many of our teens, our young employees may move on from Promise House; but they carry us in their hearts forever. I'm not quite sure why, but it is VERY hard to ever really leave PH.

There are always endings before beginnings. The end of winter brings spring. The end of service at Promise House brings a new opportunity, the opening of a new door. Another young professional will join the Promise House family, and life at PH goes on. And.....spring is almost here!

Alot of Help From Our Friends

People ask me all the time how we do the work we do. Well, actually, we do it with a lot of help from our friends. Through our many collaborations, Promise House provides over $1,000,000 worth of in-kind services to our teens and families every year! If we had to pay for these services, we'd be in big trouble, and our expenses would almost double.

So, what are these services? Well, when you think of everything it takes to raise a child, that is what we provide. Here are just a few:

• Medical Services through the Parkland HOMES Van and Parkland Hospital Services
• Dental services through the First Presbyterian Stewpot's dental program and Parkland's Dental Van
• Food through the North Texas Food Bank
• Child care slots through the Vogel Alcove
• STD education through Planned Parenthood
• Hygiene supplies from individual and corporate contributors
• Shoes through the Wilkinson Center's annual shoe drive via Pay Less Shoes
• Two on-site DISD classrooms with certified DISD teachers
• Baby supplies from Captain Hope's Kids
• Baby showers from various churches

On top of those listed above, Promise House is connected to ALL metroplex colleges and universities. Via our training institute, graduate and post-graduate level psychology, social work, marriage and family, and counseling interns receive free clinical supervision in return for providing counseling to ALL our teens and family members. Talk about win-win!

And, we continue to develop new collaborations. This summer, we will be working with the University of Dallas on a 7-week math/science/astronomy camp, with the last week being a trip to Western States University in Colorado to view the stars through a HUGE telescope--all paid for through a grant written and submitted by the university. How cool is that??

In addition, we are hoping that Junior Players will be awarded a grant they submitted that will provide on-site theatre and drama training for our teens. AND, we recently began discussions with Junior Achievement to take part in their Finance Park financial literacy program this coming year. Finally, we will be working with Dallas Metrocare to provide psychiatric services to our teens this coming year.

These collaborations are so exciting and SO beneficial to our teens. And instead of a little help from our friends, Promise House is incredibly fortunate to be getting ALOT of help from our friends.

Thank you. The part you play in healing our kids is immeasurable.

Rise Up!!

So, it's February, the ground hog saw his shadow, and spring seems very far away. I'm sure it seems especially far away to those teens who are sleeping outside, trying to keep warm. We continue to bring in three or four teens a NIGHT directly from the streets. With the help of our fabulous Street Outreach, Shelter, and Transitional Living teams, they have all been taken care of....so far. If going home was an option, they went home, some with the help of Greyhound's "Home Free" program (free bus ticket for runaways to go home), others were moved into our transitional living program, some were helped to find a job and apartment, and a couple are in our shelter. But we are out of room, and yet, they keep coming. So, they sleep on pull-out couches or cots in our living room.

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY, UNTIL THESE KIDS ARE TAKEN CARE OF, WE WILL NEVER END HOMELESSNESS??? We have 30, count them, 30 girls on our waiting list for an apartment. What do they do while they wait? Double up, sofa surf, stay with someone they shouldn't be staying with, roam the streets.

These are GOOD kids. One young woman in our transitional living program is on track to be VALEDICTORIAN of her high school. And she has done this while dealing with a totally unacceptable living situation. Just think what she could do with support???

Now I know why I haven't posted much in a month. I just didn't want to get angry all over again. Where is the justice for these teens? Where is the help? The Family Youth Services Bureau is the only federal agency that provides funds for transitional living programs for teens; BUT they only fund about 90 a year NATIONALLY. The Department of Housing and Urban Development will not accept any new projects unless they are permanent supportive housing for "chronically" homeless. Well, guess what? These teens haven't been on the street long enough to be chronic---but they WILL be, I promise you, unless they get help.

I'm also tired of being nice about this. Why don't we WAKE UP and see what is around us?? Those of us in this field have been saying for YEARS that the population of teens aging out of foster care is going to cause a second homelessness crisis. Statistic? Forty-two (42%) percent will be homeless at least once within two (2) years.

One glimmer of hope, the Department of Family and Protective Services is developing programs for teens to stay in care up to age 21; or to come back into care if they have aged out and haven't done well. But there is soooo much more that needs to be done,

So, if any of you out there are looking for a cause, are looking to change a life, want to witness miracles; or if you have alot of money just sitting around, and you're wondering what to do with it??? HERE IS YOUR CAUSE.

We were all teens once. We know how tough it is to get through those years,even with help. Our teens are trying to navigate those years under horrendous conditions. As I say over and over again, if it was your kid on the street, you would want all the help you could get.

I'm not asking for your help anymore, though. I'm challenging you to take up this cause for the sake of these kids, our community, our country.

They are the ones who need all the help they can get.....WILL YOU RISE UP?