'Tis the season.....for depression.
Now, I don't want to be a complete downer, but amidst all the holiday hoopla, festivities, decorations, music, gift buying and giving, food, food, and more food, there are many among us struggling mightily with depression.....and feeling even more depressed, because they SHOULD be happy and "in the spirit".
When I was in private practice, my client load increased exponentially during and right after the holidays. These are very difficult times for those of us vulnerable to depression. Aside from the fact that it's the dead of winter, dark and cold, the stress of the holidays, coupled with the expectations of a "happy time" (promoted so heavily by media), wear heavily on many folks.
How do I know this? Because I've struggled with depression most of my life. Luckily, my last bout is long past, and with the help of a great support system, I have been able to keep the gray ghost at bay for years. But the dark days of winter bring it dangerously close at times; and it is at those times when my heart goes out to those in the midst of the battle.
Depression sucks the very life out of you.....and, by the way, everyone around you. It settles over you like a gray mist, leeching all color out of life. It steals your ambition, hope, energy. It makes you think crazy thoughts and do crazy things.
What's worse is, those who have experienced a bout of clinical depression are likely to have at least one recurrance, worse than the first. Serious depression changes your brain chemistry, and each episode makes it harder to repair the damage.
So, my message this holiday season is, GET HELP if you're feeling down or depressed. There is no shame in seeking a cure for this incidious disease. Set your ego aside, take antidepressants, go to therapy, do what your psychiatrist tells you do to. And if you are a friend or relative of someone you suspect is depressed, INTERVENE. Insist that they get help......which is what my dear friend did many years ago that probably saved my life (or someone else's!).
It is definitely the season......to pay attention to those around you.....and to yourself. Be kind, be attentive. You never know whose life you may be saving.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
He's NOT a Pedophile
I’ve been hesitant to add to the rhetoric about the Penn State sex abuse scandal. However, I would be remiss in my duty as President of an agency whose sole mission is to protect the most vulnerable teens in our community, if I did not express my dismay and sorrow at the events that have recently unfolded. I stand with Penn State leadership in firing Paterno and his assistant coach, and my heart goes out to the families of all affected.
I would like to make an important distinction that the press and media continue to get incorrect. The man who perpetrated these acts is NOT a pedophile. He is a sex abuser. There is a BIG difference. Pedophilia is a diagnosable mental illness spelled out in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV, used by the psychiatric field. A pedophile is usually unable to function well in society, is severely developmentally stunted, and sees himself as approximately the same age as his victims.
This definition does NOT apply to the assistant coach, nor to most sex abusers. Most are “solid” citizens, many have families of their own and would be considered upstanding citizens in their communities.
Why do I care about the distinction? Because of the ability to hold the sex abuser accountable for his actions. If he can use the plea of pedophilia, which can show he is mentally ill, he is many times “off the hook” for his actions. Sex abusers are not mentally ill, by all western standards. Although their actions are horrific, they appear to be as normal as anyone else, even under psychiatric scrutiny.
Sex abuse and sexual assault are primarily abuses of power and of opportunity. To those of us who cannot imagine such acts, sex abusers seem sick and demented. What I don’t want, however, is for them to be able to use mental illness as an excuse for their actions. They must be held accountable by the highest letter of the law, without the distraction of a mental illness diagnosis.
It is the least we can do for the victims.
I would like to make an important distinction that the press and media continue to get incorrect. The man who perpetrated these acts is NOT a pedophile. He is a sex abuser. There is a BIG difference. Pedophilia is a diagnosable mental illness spelled out in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV, used by the psychiatric field. A pedophile is usually unable to function well in society, is severely developmentally stunted, and sees himself as approximately the same age as his victims.
This definition does NOT apply to the assistant coach, nor to most sex abusers. Most are “solid” citizens, many have families of their own and would be considered upstanding citizens in their communities.
Why do I care about the distinction? Because of the ability to hold the sex abuser accountable for his actions. If he can use the plea of pedophilia, which can show he is mentally ill, he is many times “off the hook” for his actions. Sex abusers are not mentally ill, by all western standards. Although their actions are horrific, they appear to be as normal as anyone else, even under psychiatric scrutiny.
Sex abuse and sexual assault are primarily abuses of power and of opportunity. To those of us who cannot imagine such acts, sex abusers seem sick and demented. What I don’t want, however, is for them to be able to use mental illness as an excuse for their actions. They must be held accountable by the highest letter of the law, without the distraction of a mental illness diagnosis.
It is the least we can do for the victims.
Friday, October 7, 2011
What is Your Elevator Speech
What is your elevator speech?
Promise House has struggled with this for years.
How do we say what we do in a compelling, meaningful, impactful 30 second blip? I know we can't be the only agency struggling with this; particularly those of us who offer a myriad of services not only to teens, but to adults and families.
So, when someone asks me, "What is Promise House?", my first thought is, "Oh, god, here I go again......how can I do this without their eyes glazing over???"
Options:
"We drag kids off the street and save them".....a bit drastic.
"We shelter homeless, runaway, and at-risk teens"..........BORING.
"We embrace homeless, runaway, and at-risk teens, giving them individualized skills, encouragement, and hope to live a better life".......too long and a bit touchy-feely, even if it is our mission statement!
"We serve kids in crisis".......too short and doesn't tell the whole story.
"We offer a myriad of services for runaway, homeless, and at-risk teens"........again, true but boring.
You get my drift?
How do we get to the heart of what we do? How do we describe in 30 seconds the transformation we see EVERY day with kids who come to us with literally nothing and leave with an education, a job, money, an apartment, and most importantly, self confidence and hope for the future?
How do we say in an elevator ride that the young homeless parents who come to us become GREAT parents, breaking the cycle of poverty, homelessness, repeat pregnancies, and child abuse?
What are 25 words or less than can describe the energy, the creativity, the passion, and the beauty that are embodied in the teens with whom we work?
How do we change people's perceptions about teens in general, and in particular the teens we serve, in two sentences?
I'm stumped. Ideas are welcome.
What is YOUR elevator speech?
Promise House has struggled with this for years.
How do we say what we do in a compelling, meaningful, impactful 30 second blip? I know we can't be the only agency struggling with this; particularly those of us who offer a myriad of services not only to teens, but to adults and families.
So, when someone asks me, "What is Promise House?", my first thought is, "Oh, god, here I go again......how can I do this without their eyes glazing over???"
Options:
"We drag kids off the street and save them".....a bit drastic.
"We shelter homeless, runaway, and at-risk teens"..........BORING.
"We embrace homeless, runaway, and at-risk teens, giving them individualized skills, encouragement, and hope to live a better life".......too long and a bit touchy-feely, even if it is our mission statement!
"We serve kids in crisis".......too short and doesn't tell the whole story.
"We offer a myriad of services for runaway, homeless, and at-risk teens"........again, true but boring.
You get my drift?
How do we get to the heart of what we do? How do we describe in 30 seconds the transformation we see EVERY day with kids who come to us with literally nothing and leave with an education, a job, money, an apartment, and most importantly, self confidence and hope for the future?
How do we say in an elevator ride that the young homeless parents who come to us become GREAT parents, breaking the cycle of poverty, homelessness, repeat pregnancies, and child abuse?
What are 25 words or less than can describe the energy, the creativity, the passion, and the beauty that are embodied in the teens with whom we work?
How do we change people's perceptions about teens in general, and in particular the teens we serve, in two sentences?
I'm stumped. Ideas are welcome.
What is YOUR elevator speech?
Friday, September 23, 2011
The End-All Ain't Gonna End It
So, here is why HUD's end-all to solving the homelessness problem, Permanent Supportive Housing, will NOT end homelessness.
Reason One: The requirements of eligibility for Permanent Supportive Housing i.e., persons with mental or physical disabilities, and chronically homeless individuals and families knocks at least 80% of the homeless population out of the running for housing. The chronically homeless make up only 10 - 15% of the total homeless population, and yet currently receive 90% of services. There is something wrong with this equation!
Reason Two: Permanent Supportive Housing does NOTHING to plug the pipeline into chronic homelessness i.e., homeless teens and young adults, teens aging out of foster care and the juvenile justice system (up to 38% of whom will be homeless at least once in the two years following emancipation). 95% of teens and young adults are NOT chronically homeless (on the street for at least a year or 4 homeless episodes in the past 2 years), and we do not want them labeled as such; BUT they WILL be if they are not assisted now. Additionally, most teens do not qualify as disabled (thank heavens!), and we don't want them labeled as such. The teens at Promise House are in school, working, raising kids, and functioning in the world. But they wouldn't be without our help.
Reason Three: Teens and young adults have very different needs than do chronically homeless adults. They need a phased program that moves from fairly high structure and supervision all the way to independent living, which includes housing and support services. You can't just stick a teen in an apartment, or give a teen a housing voucher or 3 month's rent, say "Go be successful", and expect success.
The only way to truly stop chronic homelessness is to plug the pipeline into it. If you were to ask 20 chronically homeless adults if they were homeless as teens or young adults, at least 15 would say yes.
I don't know why this is such a difficult concept to get. Maybe when the "end homelessness by" deadlines pass and there is still homelessness, folks that make the funding decisions will scratch their heads and wonder why.
Maybe they should ask me.
Reason One: The requirements of eligibility for Permanent Supportive Housing i.e., persons with mental or physical disabilities, and chronically homeless individuals and families knocks at least 80% of the homeless population out of the running for housing. The chronically homeless make up only 10 - 15% of the total homeless population, and yet currently receive 90% of services. There is something wrong with this equation!
Reason Two: Permanent Supportive Housing does NOTHING to plug the pipeline into chronic homelessness i.e., homeless teens and young adults, teens aging out of foster care and the juvenile justice system (up to 38% of whom will be homeless at least once in the two years following emancipation). 95% of teens and young adults are NOT chronically homeless (on the street for at least a year or 4 homeless episodes in the past 2 years), and we do not want them labeled as such; BUT they WILL be if they are not assisted now. Additionally, most teens do not qualify as disabled (thank heavens!), and we don't want them labeled as such. The teens at Promise House are in school, working, raising kids, and functioning in the world. But they wouldn't be without our help.
Reason Three: Teens and young adults have very different needs than do chronically homeless adults. They need a phased program that moves from fairly high structure and supervision all the way to independent living, which includes housing and support services. You can't just stick a teen in an apartment, or give a teen a housing voucher or 3 month's rent, say "Go be successful", and expect success.
The only way to truly stop chronic homelessness is to plug the pipeline into it. If you were to ask 20 chronically homeless adults if they were homeless as teens or young adults, at least 15 would say yes.
I don't know why this is such a difficult concept to get. Maybe when the "end homelessness by" deadlines pass and there is still homelessness, folks that make the funding decisions will scratch their heads and wonder why.
Maybe they should ask me.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Echoes From Our Children
It's awesome and a bit scary to see your children speak out on issues about which they are passionate. I have two daughters, both of whom are extremely articulate, are passionate about many causes, and who sounded off recently about the Texas Legislature cutting funds to Planned Parenthood. My oldest, Kat, wrote a commentary on her website, and my youngest, Leslie, posted an article from the Austin paper, adding a few choice words, which I won't repeat here.
Both girls were raised in diametrically opposed environments---liberal feminist with their mother and conservative conservative with their dads. What this forced them to do was forge their own beliefs from the two, which they did very well. Lucky for me, their beliefs landed much closer to mine than their dads' (LOL!). This is not to say, however, that they track right down the line with my beliefs. Leslie, for instance, was heavily influenced by her church experience and holds very different beliefs from me about all that. Kat, on the other hand, is even more "radical" than I on many issues and is totally unafraid to speak out uncensored about them.
What we are very close in belief about, however, is women's health. Kat has used Planned Parenthood most of her adult life for low-cost well-woman check-ups, birth control, and treatment for female ailments. Having had no insurance since graduating from college, PP was a godsend for her. So, to lose that resource is devastating to her. Although Leslie has never used PP, many of her friends have, for the same stuff that Kat did. What none of them has ever used PP for is abortions.
But I am not here to debate that issue. What I am here to say is how strange it is sometimes to hear echoes of my voice in my daughters' voices......how fearful I am sometimes for them for speaking out.....and how aware I am that they are so much more politically savvy, so much more aware of what's happening in the world, and SO much more willing to speak out about it than I was at their ages, that I often stand in awe of both of them.
It has often been said that our children reflect both the best and worst of us. I think I lucked out with my girls. They seemed to have gotten the best of both their dads and me. And though it is a little scary to see and hear them stand up, speak out, take the heat for their beliefs, when I hear those echoes, it does my heart good to know they GOT what I wanted them to get........their OWN, strong voices.
Both girls were raised in diametrically opposed environments---liberal feminist with their mother and conservative conservative with their dads. What this forced them to do was forge their own beliefs from the two, which they did very well. Lucky for me, their beliefs landed much closer to mine than their dads' (LOL!). This is not to say, however, that they track right down the line with my beliefs. Leslie, for instance, was heavily influenced by her church experience and holds very different beliefs from me about all that. Kat, on the other hand, is even more "radical" than I on many issues and is totally unafraid to speak out uncensored about them.
What we are very close in belief about, however, is women's health. Kat has used Planned Parenthood most of her adult life for low-cost well-woman check-ups, birth control, and treatment for female ailments. Having had no insurance since graduating from college, PP was a godsend for her. So, to lose that resource is devastating to her. Although Leslie has never used PP, many of her friends have, for the same stuff that Kat did. What none of them has ever used PP for is abortions.
But I am not here to debate that issue. What I am here to say is how strange it is sometimes to hear echoes of my voice in my daughters' voices......how fearful I am sometimes for them for speaking out.....and how aware I am that they are so much more politically savvy, so much more aware of what's happening in the world, and SO much more willing to speak out about it than I was at their ages, that I often stand in awe of both of them.
It has often been said that our children reflect both the best and worst of us. I think I lucked out with my girls. They seemed to have gotten the best of both their dads and me. And though it is a little scary to see and hear them stand up, speak out, take the heat for their beliefs, when I hear those echoes, it does my heart good to know they GOT what I wanted them to get........their OWN, strong voices.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
"Repurpose" the Texas Legislature
My friend Larry James wrote about this today, and I just can't help chiming in with him about what a disgrace it is that the Texas Legislature actually "repurposed" funds that were raised by "six million Texas power customers paying a little extra each month to provide utility-bill assistance to those who otherwise couldn't afford to stay cool" (Dallas Morning News Editorial 8-2-11).
WHAT????
As leader of a nonprofit like my friend Larry, I, too, would be in BIG trouble if I "repurposed" restricted funds to fill holes in my budget. Why, then, is it OK for legislators to do it.....particularly when it is MY money they are repurposing!!!
I suggest we cut off all power to every legislator's home and office until they gain even a miniscule amount of compassion for those less fortunate than they.
And, I demand a reckoning and an audit of these funds AND an explanation of exactly how the representatives of ME will restore these funds for such needy folks.
I think if I keep writing about this, my head will explode. Suffice it to say, I am DONE with these hyjinks, both at the state and federal level.
It may be time to march......or "repurpose" the state legislature.
WHAT????
As leader of a nonprofit like my friend Larry, I, too, would be in BIG trouble if I "repurposed" restricted funds to fill holes in my budget. Why, then, is it OK for legislators to do it.....particularly when it is MY money they are repurposing!!!
I suggest we cut off all power to every legislator's home and office until they gain even a miniscule amount of compassion for those less fortunate than they.
And, I demand a reckoning and an audit of these funds AND an explanation of exactly how the representatives of ME will restore these funds for such needy folks.
I think if I keep writing about this, my head will explode. Suffice it to say, I am DONE with these hyjinks, both at the state and federal level.
It may be time to march......or "repurpose" the state legislature.
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